Darling had a fever this evening. We visited the doctor and were told that it was unlikely to be caused by the sinus. *phew* The doctor seemed to have contacts with the doctors over at SGH and he could actually make some calls to expedite and bring forward the appointment scheduled on Dec 16! That would be great...

We watched American History X in vcd just now. I believe I watched it a long time ago when I was still rather immature or something. All I can remember was that it was a great movie. After tonight, I think the movie has etched itself deeper in my mind. The racist issues in the movie really hit me and the brutal scenes really gripped me.

Met Alwyn at the market while on the way to withdraw money. Chat for awhile. He has put on so much weight....

Spoke to James for a long time on cars and all today in school. Came home just now and spoke to my brother about the same issues. Just pray hard that nothing goes wrong for him. I think I am resigning myself to having this brother who has this weakness. *sigh*

By the way, we went to Mawai from Nov 2 - 4 for the outdoor camp by Happy Friends Club for all the volunteers. It was great great fun! We played games in the disused pond, went trekking and reached the summit of Gunung Panti, went for a night river cruise to see fireflies, star-gazing and saw so many shooting stars, had a fun campfire, slept in a loghouse that had a roof but no walls....we did so much! It was SO fun!

Darling was the first handicap to reach the summit of Gunung Panti! I am so proud of him. Gunung Panti was actually relatively more difficult to climb than those mountains that I trekked in in Nepal. It was uphill most of the time and at one point, we had to scale a cliff that was 90 degrees to the sea level! In other words, while climbing up that rocky cliff, the next person after you would be directly below you. And we had to use the same path to climb down the mountain. It was exciting, dangerous but very fun too. Imagine the difficulty level for him! He can't really feel with his right "foot" so how is he supposed to know if his "foot" was already resting properly on the rocks before he descends down any further? We could not have done it without the help of our friends. Not to mention having a lack of water supply as we really depleted our water on the way up. We had to settle for brownish water that came from the steam near the summit. The water was certified ok for direct drinking.

The camp commandant took photos of our trip and posted them up in the website. They are here and here.

I listened to him just now and tears just welled up in my eyes. Sometimes in the hustle and bustle of life, I tend to "forget" that he faces certain things everyday that he has to live with for the rest of his life. Some of these things are beyond any of our comprehension or imagination. I tried to imagine what it was like as he told me just now and it was pretty vividly explained and etched in my mind and I just felt so emotional about it. I wish there was some way in which I could take away all that daily inconveniences and hassle he faces and also put some of those little luxuries that we take for granted back to his life for him.

One simple luxury : standing under the shower with your eyes closed. Ever done that? Try doing that by standing on one foot. How does that feel?

I am drained by my brother. I do not know if what I am doing right now is the right thing to do. By telling him all the consequences of his decisions and asking him to make a choice from there, at the same time knowing very well what his choice will be, I am also telling myself the consequences that I have to face should things turn out bad. What if he gets into an accident? What if he the other party he signed the papers with decides to make things difficult for him? What if he refuses to let go of that car in 2 months' time?

To certain extent, I think he will deserve every bad consequence if any of them were to happen. But I do not know if I will or if I should feel bad because I had the power to put a stop to it right from the beginning. Or do I? I was just talking to mum just now and I realised, as I was telling her, that he could have gotten that car behind our backs if he wanted to. So that would mean that I do not really have the power to stop him, wouldn't it?

I wonder what it would take for him to learn his lesson. When will he ever learn to make wise decisions and to listen to advice? So many people from so many different backgrounds have given him sound advice on what he should do and he has been presented with so many examples of others who have gone through this path and crawled out wounded. Yet he must still insist on taking that path. He is SO typical of the type of person who simple must go through it to know it and just by listening and seeing is not good enough.

Two months. We will wait for 2 months and we shall see how things go. I do not know what will happen in 2 months' time. Of course I hope that he will make it big and earn the money to return to mother. I just cross my fingers that he will learn from this.

It's been such a long long time since I came in here. Got reminded by Jen that I have not update since 10/10. woopsss...

So much has happened in this one month! So many things happened in school. It's a wonder how I survived. Ok, maybe I will blog the significant events down one day, but right now, I need to go shower and then get to school. I have been busy with the coming Happy Friends' Club Camp (its next weekend!!) and my band concert. Will be going to school to zap the campfire songbook and also to print out the volunteer handbook. The volunteer training will be at Pam's house later from 2pm to 6pm and after that the 5 organizers, Jeff, Pam, Jason , HF and myself will be going down to Sembawang Park to recce the place one more time.

Mum flew to Myanmar yesterday morning. She will be back next Friday.

I highlighted my hair!!! It's in streaks of red. And one (relatively) large chunk of my fringe is also reddish. WOW. I LOVE IT!!!!!!!!!!