I was reading this and tears welled up in my eyes...my heart goes out to those who lost their loved ones in the war against sars.

Printed out the article on Dr Chao from the Straits Times Interactive. Intend to just paste it on my class's noticeboard and then talk to my students about it.

There were a series of thefts in school this morning. Some of my girls came running to me telling me that their handphones and money got stolen while they were having their PE lesson. How ironical as the head prefect had just warned the whole school this morning about safekeeping your valuables. Some of the girls were very upset and were crying. The whole class was affected and they were quite frantic when they came for me. Anyway, we stayed back after school to discuss the matter and to come up with more stringent preventive measures as a class. Sad that it takes something like this to happen before these kids can realise their vulnerability and carelessness. (stupidity too)

I am being asked to do a one hour presentation to six Sec 3 Express classes on the volunteer work that I do and how I have learnt and benefited from it. I have spoken to the entire lower secondary students before and actually, I don't feel too good giving that speech because despite the good intentions behind it, telling people about what I do as a volunteer does seems like self-glorification. Will work it out so that it does not come out that way.

Weilin's grandma is warded at Alexandra Hospital now. She had a stroke. I am worried...

Just had another "sars meeting" today and we were all told to expect things to get worse in terms of dirsuptions to regular school activity. We were told to accept whatever that was happening now in school as "the norm" and that it will be considered mild in comparision to the bigger headache that is coming our way - the twice-a-day measuring of temperatures by ALL students in the school. You know MOE is giving free thermometers to ALL students and teachers and also all SAF personnel right? That basically means almost every household in Singapore will have a thermometer. And Singapore is the only country (capable of ) doing this. According to my principal, the thermometers meant for school are being manufactured right now in Japan. Anyway, the headache comes when we have 1400++ students all measuring temperatures at the same time, and then all going to the toilet to wash their thermometers. No little plastic covers will be supplied as they are costly, so the thermometers will have to be washed with soap after use. So logistically, we're probably going to have a big problem. This also means that about 2 periods a day will be taken by temperature-taking. That means cutting down on curriculum time! How do we complete our syllabus then?

Beats me.

Had the meeting with the rest of the gang just now and we managed to come up with the camp schedule and programmes. Also divided the workload so that we could do little bits on our own. Will be having another recce of the camp location this coming Sunday so that we all have a better idea of the place. I am hoping that the campers will be of higher mobility status, so that it will be easier to plan the activities for them. Not that I am discriminating - but to be practical, a sports camp should be for more mobile kids. There really is hardly anything that a DMD child can do if he is extemely weak already. We can always have an MD camp just for them in future. It's just too diverse to plan a camp that caters to all forms of mobility.

I completed my marking yesterday and I'm so glad that I do not need to do anything for school today. It's such a relief!! The best thing is, I hardly have any monday blues now! And I know why - I have everything planned already, so I need not worry at all! It's a wonderful feeling. I suppose this is the advantage of being confined at home during those feverish days...

Had an unpleasant thing happen to me yesterday. It's about work. I was innocently dragged into something that should not involve me at all in the first place. Anyway, I've spoken to her and everything is fine now. It's just how we tackle and handle these "people on top", I feel. I have kept myself free from office political issues and I intend to keep it that way.

I did a search for people with my surname just for fun and I got to see some very cheesy websites of some. Funny.

We went to a very cosy cafe located at the end of Mhd Sultan yesterday. Nice ambience and good music. Quiet, peaceful and very relaxing. After that we went for a beer at U bar. While walking along MS, I saw people queuing up to get into the pubs. That brought back some memories of the good ol' days of clubbing. Now, I don't really see the point in doing that anymore.

Read about the man whose wife and 2 kids drowned at Kranji a year ago. The verdict was misadventure and he could not accept it. It seems he believed that the flood gates opened to let water from the reserviour flow into the sea and he believed that his wife and 2 children, who were standing on the beach, got swept away by the sudden increase in water level there. Whatever it was, I feel very sorry for him and more so for his 14-year-ikd daughter who was with him when the accident happened.

He put down the deposit for a Honda Fit yesterday! Will probably get the car next week - we're excited!! We were talking about where we would go and all that.

Sometimes this car-thing kind of scares me a little because it brings back some bad memories about my previous relationship. I will try not to think about all that. We talked about last night and I told him about my fears. Anyway, the past is the past.

I have tons of marking to do. Got to finish it by tonight....

I get so tired just reading the news online. It's so scary. It really is.

I just saw a Chinese man standing outside that flat as I walked past it just now while coming home. He was standing nearer to the railings and was watching the construction of the condo on the opposite side of the road in front. He was waiting for someone or something. There was a trolley at the door and there were 2 boxes wrapped tightly in clear wrapper. They were sealed with thick yellow tape with the words "SECURITY" all over.

One of our neighbours confirmed that an indian man living in that unit was escorted into the ambulance. Some of my neighbours are saying that they will take the lift to the sixth floor and then walk up to their floor instead. (our lift serves only the 1st, 6th and 11th) I think they are a wee bit too paranoid. Not everyone who gets sent to TTSH in an ambulance is confirmed to have sars. I mean, had my fever gone up to 38 last week, I would have been escorted to TTSH in an ambulance too, and it wouldn't mean that I have sars. Still ,it's good to be cautious. Now my neightbours will actually have a little bottle of disinfectant spray with them all the time and they will squirt some on the lift buttons before using them.

Suddenly, I feel very afraid of sars.

Dr Chao died on Tuesday. KC told me that he had low grade fever and was suspected to be having dengue fever. Then on Good Friday (last friday) he seemed to have recovered and messaged one of their friends to say that he was fine. Then on Monday he was warded for high fever and then pushed into the ICU. It happened to quickly for him. The (scary) thing is, they are still investigating to find out if he had contact.

I had a low grade fever for 2 weeks.

Ma just told me that there was an ambulance at the foot of my block and some policemen visited a unit on the 11th floor of my block on Sunday night. We're not sure what happened but for the past few days since Sunday night, policemen have been seen visiting my block and particularly that unit. It's the first unit nearest to the lift and I need to walk past it in order to get to my flat. I suppose its reasonable to suspect that there's someone with fever or symptoms in that unit who was sent to TTSH? However, I don't think there's a need to panic. Had my fever hit 38 that time, I would have had an ambulance downstairs too. That does not mean that I have sars, right?

Still, there's still abit of fear in me now.

School was good today. I actually felt OK at work. Not that stressed. Maybe its the preparation that I have already made. Anyway, am expecting worse things to come. Hmm...kind of sad, isn't it?

I have put on so much weight over the last 2 weeks of staying home!! My clothes are ONE SIZE too small. I can just die. It's so difficult to choose what to wear to work! Imagine having to select clothes from a rack that has all size S when you're an M? What can you buy? Nothing right? Precisely. Urgh. I cannot imagine that I was ever even fatter than I am now. How did I fit into those clothes? Man....I must NOT allow history to repeat.

By the way, my class was really really sweet today. They actually bought a cake for me and celebrated my birthday (though its super belated) for me during recess in the canteen. I tried to tell them to keep a low profile for it but they refused and were practically yelling out the birthday song in English and Chinese. They also insisted on sticking the candles on the cake and crowding those candles in the centre of the cake so my cake looked like it was "on fire". Yeah...that's how old I am...
Well, what's nice was through this, I also got to see another side of some of my students and I realised that some of them have impecable manners and good family upbringing. Many actually waited for me to finish cutting the cake. Once I was done, they took the plastic knife from me and said "Ok Ms N, you sit down and eat your cake, we'll clean up." I thought that was really pleasant. We don't get many such children anymore. Most are too self-centred or pampered so it was really a very good feeling to see some of the these kids exhibiting such good behaviour. I must make it a point to mention it to their parents when I meet them.

Ma said that Weilin's grandma appears to be getting more and more tired lately. She's also getting slower in her daily movement and she's also been eating less. My aunt and uncle are making mental preparations in case anything were to happen.

I feel sorry for Weilin...she's just recently gone over to Australia with Jimmy. Not too sure if she will fly back if anything happens....

I'll be reporting for work tomorrow!!

Finally, after such a long long wait, I am going to school again. Been a long time since I actually feel excited about school. I actually feel like a student now, getting my books and bags ready, preparing my clothes, setting the alarm clock - its all done! Now all I need to do is to wash my face, change the pad to a night-safe one, and sleep!

Btw, I have not been taking my temperature very regularly for the past 2 days. First, its because I'm sick of doing it. Second, I think I get too paranoid when I do it. Third, I feel well, so why do it?

Anyway, the temperature yesterday was pretty good. I measure it a couple of times and they were all below 37. And I was out. I was out the whole day. We went shopping, movies, dinner and the jazz at southbridge. I was perfectly fine.

We had mongolian buffet at Park Mall yesterday. It was about $34.00 each but the spread was bad. I mean, variety was not there and portions were not sufficient too. It looked pathetic. The restaurant claimed that it was "international" buffet - you get chinese, japanese, mongolian, cantonese, etc but really, they just provided abit of everything and they called it "international". At the end of the meal, full as we were, I think we both felt we would not go back for a second time.

Temperature measured was 37.4 (!!!) at about 9 pm just now. An hour later, it dropped to 37.1. Now, its 37.1. I'm not contagious - my mum and bro are fine and its been more than 10 days. So, I'm going to school!

I was reading blogs from people in Hongkong and this guy has got a rather extensive personal review of the sars situation there. And through him, I managed to get connected a Singaporean doctor's blog. She works at CGH. Very insightful to read about the sars war from a doctor's perspective and also how she feels about what the media is reporting about medical staff here.

It's Rachel's birthday today and my mum is baking a cheesecake for her. It's a new recipe she's trying from this cookbook she borrowed. It's a chocolate oreo cheesecake. Too bad I won't get to try it this time because Eddie is coming over to collect the cake later. But my brother has gone out to buy fresh cream for my mum so that she can bake 2 more of her regular cheesecakes (just like the new york cheesecake at NYDC or Coffeebean). Yippee!! There's also spaghetti for lunch.... yum

I was trying to use my old bottle of perfume oil from Body Shop on a small basket of old potpourri, then I accidently spilled some of the oil onto my table and it dripped to the floor. Now my whole room smells of fuzzy peach....actually, its not that strong, so its quite nice. That basket is now on top of the shelf.

Fever now at 37.1.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY RACHEL!!!!!!!!

Look!! The cutest little girl (to me)!!

It seems we never really write about how we really feel or think in our blogs anymore. Maybe those thoughts are too private.

You know how songs can take you back in time? I've just downloaded some "oldies" from Kazaa by Sandy Lam and some other chinese singers. Well, what do you expect these songs to be? Yes, fatalistic sappy chinese love songs. But hey, they're nice and they bring me back in time to those good ol' old days at NUS. It's like all a sudden I am transported back in time to campus and I'm walking through it in my mind. I can piece together the building, the different blocks, where the passages and the staircases lead to, where the LTs are, where my locker is and even how the toilets were like.

My locker was in a dingy little spot at the bottom of a flight of staircase and it was almost right outside the female toilet.

There was this particular Econs tutir named Lim Boon Tiong that I particularly liked NOT because he was good looking or what but because he was a good lecturer and a good tutor. In fact, he looked like the classic "uncle" you see on the streets. He taught me Financial Econs, which I failed on first attempt and got a B the next semester when I repeated. It's because of him that I now am very cautious of the seemingly good rates that bankers and insurance agents quote to me, because he taught us how the numbers were used to calculate figures to show impressive but unreliable results, though I've forgotten how to calculate them.

I still keep all my econs notes and books. They're all stored into boxes and put into the storeroom - like a time capsule. All my maths notes and books are there too.

Come to think of it, it wasn't that easy getting that degree in Maths.

There was once I went out of my house at about 11:30pm. I went to the coffeeshop nearby and bought a pack of malboro menthol lights and a take-away tea and I went to sit on one of the benches at the running track downstairs. I sat there, smoked and had my tea until it was past 2am in the morning. I was thinking about my life. About why it was so horrible. About how stupid I had been in the past few years. I sat, I thought, I smoked, I cried. And nobody knew, nobody cared. At least the person whom I had wanted care from at that time did not care.

Oh well, that's the past. Look ahead woman...what do you see?

errr...home confinements....that's what I see now.

:::The creature within:::

Deep in the night
the creature creeps
prowling my whole body
in the heat.

It sleeps at certain times of the day
laying low, resting
causing no trouble - shh, don't wake it up!
Alas it still rises from its nesting

Trapping me in this concrete room
a padded cell of homely comforts
A daily routine of daily chores
my mental strength is tested and shredded

I long to be out there, to be free
before I become totally insane
But the creature creeps and prowls my body
keeping me trapped in its chains.

Set me free.

It's still ON.

I am developing a slight sore throat now. I am feeling miserable. C gave me the number to call for CDC. I might call tomorrow to enquire about conditions like mine.

By the way, J just told me that the female colleague that C's husband ferried in his car is Esther Mok's best friend(!!!) She herself was warded in TTSH for sars and was terribly ill for one week before she was discharged. C herself just told me over msn that she went to TTSH to see her doctor again on Tuesday to get the reports of her Xrays and all her blood tests. She was clear, but the doctor said she probably caught a mild case of sars. This confirms what my own doctor speculated.

When will my fever go away? AT messaged and suggested that I go out for slow walks in the park or when the weather is cool. I like that suggestion. The past few times I went out to the clinic at night, I walked past the field downstairs and I thought it was real nice to be just sitting downstairs or strolling in the cool night. Many neighbours do that. Mostly Chinese nationals though, because Singaporeans are probably glued to the TV at home.

Everything seemed ok and good this morning. In fact, throughout the time when I was out, I was fine. The temperature was 36.8 at the highest.

But then after the nap I took at his place, at about 6:30pm, it was 37.3. Now its 37.5.

I am given another 2 days mc. My doctor actually called me to find out if I was well. After I described everything to her, she said she wants me to stay home for another 2 days. She said that mu colleage probably caught a mild case of sars and did not get it to fully blow...she had the initial symptoms - chills, fever of 38.8. But her lungs were clear and so she was certified to NOT have sars. But my doctor said she probably was develeping the anti-bodies slowly and so did not get fully hit by it. Now, all patients discharged from TTSH must have a 14 day quarantine. Not just an MC but a quarantine. My doctor says that the fact that I met C twice during her 10 day MC is a possible cause of concern to me probably having a mild strain of sars...very mild strain. And the fact that the fever manages to improve slowly everyday means that my body is fighting it and that the flu is slowly withering itself out in me...so I need to stay home and let it slowly die out itself. Let my body get over it.

Ok...another 2 days. Plus Good Friday, that's a whole week off from school again. My goodness....I am missing so many lessons...I'm trying to reduce the stress level by preparing everything I need at home...

Must spend the next few days fruitfully!

What make this chinese-physician trip LOADS better is that he is accompanying me there! I messaged him my frustrations after my mum's phonecall and then we spoke on the phone. Of course, he chided me for how I was feeling towards my mum...but I guess it's normal to feel frustrated when you're almost nearing the big THREE-ZERO and your mum still nags at you?

He is one half-day leave today! And to accompany me to the clinic, he has taken the rest of the day off too!

I might see Dr. Tay again in the noon if the fever is still erratic. I might need to get excused for the next 2 days as Thursday will be Day 10 since I last had "contact" with my colleague C. If I get my excuse for another 2 days, and Friday is Good Friday, then I have effectively had THREE weeks of holiday! Not that the past week or the next few days will be much of a holiday being cooped up at home, but I get to be away from school for THREE weeks!

Don't know whether to be happy or not. Knowing the amount of work that I am missing and how it's all piling up on my desk at work, I am trying to create a mental picture of how my desk looks when I return. I left it neat and tidy the last time I was in school, but I'm sure it is now covered with memos, papers, post-its, etc. People at my workplace have this habit of just throwing whatever they want to pass to you onto your desk. There is no effort made to place it properly on the centre of the table-top so that you can see it easily. (I have had mini post-its pasted at the right corner of my desk and had I not looked carefully, I would have missed it.) So you can imagine if different people just throw their little notes all over your table....it will be a war-zone when I return...

I was woken up by the ringing of my handphone this morning. It was my mum. She wanted to tell me about this particular chinese physician that my auntie sees regularly and she wanted me to go today. She was NAGGING and NAGGING at me over the phone! What a way to wake up in the morning!!! ARGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So, after she repeated everything she had to say at least twice, I now have a clear mental visual of where this clinic is, I have clear instuctions on how to approach the receptionist at the clinic, the exact name of the correct physician to see AND the gender of the general staff at the clinic. I also know what to expect from the physician in types of healing methods (acupuncture...OW...) and I know what to expect in terms of medication, and even how the medicine will mostly like be prepared and how long I will have to wait for it. I even know the language that the people at the clinic usually converse in (mandarin)! Oh yes...one more thing, I also know what I must bring along with me - enough money and also one bottle of the barley water that is in the fridge now. I am also given instructions to the disposal of the empty bottle when I finish the drink.

Can you believe it? Are all mothers like that? The temperature I had this morning at 7am was 36.8. Then when I took the temperature again after my mum called, it was 36.9.

So things are looking good today....I'm keeping my fingers and toes crossed!!!!!

Temperature now =37.2

One day, I will look back upon these blogs and reflect on this feverish ordeal that I am going through now.

Will that day come soon?.....please???

My mum keeps nagging at me!!!!!!!!!!!!!

We ordered pizza for dinner and ate at home. Made some campbell chicken soup too.

The fever got up to to the max of 37.4 today again. Though only on one measurement at 5:20pm. And that was just slightly after I took by bath. Aren't fevers supposed to go down by a little after baths? I used lukewarm water...not the freezing water striaght from the tap.

My students are messaging me to ask if I am well and whether I am coming back to school tomorrow.

It's 37.1 this morning when I woke up at 11:10am...well, not exactly morning actually...

I repacked all my CDs yesterday to create more space. Stacked up those that I hardly listen to in one corner and left my favourites on the 3 cd racks. About a total of 150 in all? I also extracted those songs that I like from some of the old cds and I have them as mp3s in my peecee. Listening to Viva Forever now. I think this will always be one of my fav songs. So dreamy...

Ok I am feeling a little bit more hay-pee today.

:::Current Fever Index:::
time (see below) 37.2

I'm not surprised....

Don't tell me this will all be over soon because I have waited for close to a week. The hope and belief in that statement diminishes with each day that the fever goes on. I honestly don't think it will be over.

:::Today's Fever Index:::
0930 37.1
1030 37.3
1340 37.1
1530 37.3
1830 37.3
2020 37.4
2115 37.4
2240 37.3

I just realised something.

Depression is one of the symptoms of sars.

Now I can understand why the patients will be depressed! It's the isolation, the fear of the unknown tomorrow, that's making them depressed! Wah Kao!!!!

I can't even express myself in one complete blog because this stupid thing can only take a maximum number of paragraphs or something.

Everyone's life seems to have stopped because of me. Well, normal weekend activity has become a standstill because of this stupid fever. My mum can't go anywhere because all my relatives are scared of her. My sis can't come over because of me. I can't even get too close to my own boyfriend because of this. And because of this, we're not leading the normal lifestyle we used to have. Not that I don't like change, but this is ridiculous.

Hey, suddenly I feel like if I really have the stupid illness, then maybe it should really erupt so that I can get myself some medical attention at TTSH and then stay at CDC for a couple of days, take a couple of tests, and then get well and be discharged and then get back my passport to a normal life. But then again, that could mean having to spend the next 15-20 days in further isolation.

This is SO horrible. I'm not just angry. I'm feeling miserable. I don't like to live everyday having to stick a thermometer into my mouth every hour and then write down my body temperature. I don't like to live everyday in hope that the fever will go down and then be disappointed at the end of the day. I don't like to go to bed at night wondering if I will have to call TTSH in the middle of the night. I don't like to go to bed at night wondering if the fever will be gone when I wake up.

I just want back my life. My normal life.

I am feeling so fed-up and frustrated now. I think it's partly due to this stupid fever, stupid confinement and maybe PMS. Whatever it is, I just feel so.....I cannot even explain it in words! My eyebrows are crossed knit tightly together, I am slamming the keyboard furiously with every finger and even more furiously at the backspace button because I keep making mistakes when I type when I'm upset. This stupid fever is not going away. I was telling Jay just now that I do not think that I will ever recover from it. In fact, I am so used to it like its almost an everyday thing in my life. Like I was born with a fever. I mean, I have drunk so many litres of different herbal teas, so many litres of water, ate so many fruits, had the fan blowing directly at me whenever I am seated in front of this screen, opened the windows to let in the "fresh", construction-site air, taken 2 baths a day....and this stupid fever just WOULD NOT GO DOWN. It's not that I want to go to school and start work or what, but this kind of living is NOT NORMAL. I feel like a criminal in my own house. Its the same routine everyday for the past few days. Wake up, wash up, make coffee, butter bread, turn on computer, read emails, read online news, finish breakfast, take shower, sit at desk, prepare lessons, set worksheets, cook lunch, eat lunch, continue work, shower again, have dinner, watch abit of TV, continue work again, then sleep.

WHAT THE F*CK

:::the view from inside:::

I miss my dad. I dreamt of him a few nights ago. It was a really mixed up dream where I was travelling from one place to another, in one time zone to another, with different people. In the part where my dad was in, we were all on a major family holiday somewhere. My uncles and aunties were there too. I was eating a box of Japanese gummy candies and I met up with everyone at the lift landing. As there were so many of us, we really occupied the landing and it was so packed with us. I remember looking up and down the corridor and seeing a dimly lit Japanese-like restaurant.

I walked up to my dad and offered him a blue-coloured candy. I cannot remember whether he ate it or not. I also cannot remember what he said to me. But I remember that he was standing on my left and he put his arm over my shoulder. I put my left arm across his waist and we just held each other close. The feeling was so familiar...his round stomach, the feel of his shirt fabric against my cheek and fingers, the difference in our height...it was all so familiar.

That's all that I can remember about the dream It just kind of stopped there, I think. Still, it was a beautiful dream.

Fever at 37.4 now.

I suddenly thought about what we used to do at home when we were just children or teens. I had little freedom when I was a teen. Weekends were spent at home and holidays too. Then I remembered one of the times when my relatives would come over to my place for a gathering. They were relatives from my Dad's side of the family and there were many of them. I remember we took out our slide projector and my dad gave everyone a slideshow of pictures he took of us and the rest of the family. There were many different sets. One was taken during my parents's wedding and my uncles had so much to comment about their hairstyles and all that then! The others were family outings to Istana, botanic gardens, Penang, Lake Toba, etc.

It was good family time. To sit in the dark living room with everyone, drinking tea, having supper (cakes and puffs, usually), with all eyes fixed on the wall where the slides were projected. We would laugh so loudly and so heartedly whenever someone cracks a joke or makes a funny comment about the pictures. There was hardly enough space to seat everyone so we would grab a chair and share it, or squeeze on the sofa or just stand at the back. The the children would always want to sit on the floor in front so that they could raise their fingers up and create shadows for others to see.

I suddenly had the urge to view the slides again. The projector still works but its put deep inside the storeroom and my brother has packed it so tightly with his things that there's absolutely no way to retrieve the projector without risking my house looking like a war-zone. Nevertheless, I will take them out one day and go through them one by one. It'll sure bring back some good memories.

We watched Inner Senses and X-Men on VCD at my place today. My fever today is better. It's been between 36.6 and 37.3, hitting below 37 most of the time. I am beginning to wonder if my thermometer is faulty. I really feel perfectly fine!!

I am getting tired of staying at home. I have been home since Tuesday. What kind of "holiday" is this? My friends go out for movies and art exhibitions. I'm stuck at home setting homework, worksheets and exam papers to take up my time. And I have to think twice before deciding to go out. Even my mum has been asked by my aunties not to visit the temple with them to pray to my late grandpa. She has to be "quarantined" at home with me. In fact, she was so bored she baked an orange cake today.

School starts on Monday and I think I should be well enough to go. I am actually feeling the Monday blues now. I dread school, though I miss it. I think it's work that I dread. Despite the fact that I have prepared so many materials to handle the next 9 weeks, I still feel the pressure. Fact remains that the workload will never be lightened. It's just how well I spread it out.

I want to buy a new thermometer. Get a 2nd opinion on my temperature. I am sick of having a stupid temperature and feeling perfectly well at the same time! I feel so trapped.

I saw the doctor again this evening because my fever has not gone down at all. She has no remedy, but gave me instructions on what I should do if I need to go to TTSH. I asked her if I should go to TTSH if my fever shoots to 38 degree or more at night. She said yes, but when there, I am to maintain a 1m distance away from other patients. I would be given a mask to wear. Basically, I must not touch anything that's wet, and I ought to wrap my finger in tissue before pressing the lift buttons.

I have a mysterious fever that would not subside. I really don't know what it is. Dr Tay wants me to monitor it closely in case its something that's cooking up inside and may "boil" when the time is right. She said the patients at TTSH probably had slight fevers too before things started boiling. Can't say for sure what it is that I have, but I just have to play safe because we can't say for sure how sars is spread and how it works.

Temperature before I went to the clinic = 37.4
Temperature at the clinic = 37.0
Termperature now = 37.5

sigh...

Global warming....could global warming have caused me to have a "fever"? Maybe I could be one of those "super-sensitive" individuals who can sense global temperature with our bodies? Then maybe some scientists and geophysicists from USA will contact me and fly me over for assistance for their tests? Then maybe we could come up with a major plan to save the earth from global warming?

Termperature now = 37.3

I am getting used to having a temperature.

I wonder why it's not subsiding. Even after I took panadol, the fever is still there. At the most, it dropped to about 37.0 but never any less. Otherwise, I feel perfectly fine.

Just recieved a message from the VP that all class managers (my school has creatively renamed form teachers as class managers) must call our students on Sunday to ask about their health. They are mailing our class list and the instructions to us. I bet my colleagues will have alot to complain about...but I think it's our safest bet against having to come face to face with a sick student on Monday when school reopens.

What a way to spend these "holidays" huh? I've been at home since Tuesday. Have done quite abit of work though. I have planned my lessons, done my worksheets and set all test papers for the rest of the term for E Maths. Now I need to do the same for A Maths and then set the E Maths exam paper. I think its overdue....oops...but I really have no mood to set the exam papers!

Might see the doctor again tonight if my fever does not go away. Maybe get an injection?!? argh...I hate that thought....

Termperature at 5:35am this morning = 37.3
Termperature when I woke up at 9:30am = 37.4

Am taking my temperature now again. Just had breakfast and took my medication. Throat is real bad today...almost cannot swallow. I took a huge 2-litre container of water into my room and I am to finish it by noon. Must flush my body with fluids!

There's a meeting in school tomorrow at 9am for the SARS taskforce in my school. When I went to school on Monday, I was roped in by the principal. He said that Channel News Asia would be coming to our school next monday to film our school's situation and how we handle the SARS issue - the checking of the students and all that. In fact, the 1st 2 periods of school on Monday will be devoted to SARS control. CNA might also pull some teachers/students aside to interview them. So the principal's intention is to let me handle CNA. As he would be busy taking care of the proceedings on Monday morning, I was to be with the CNA team and assist them in whatever they need in terms of filming and interviewing. Not too sure if I will be interviewed though....but hey, catch BBSS on CNA on monday!

Anyway, I will write him an email explaining my feverish condition now...if I cannot make it for the meeting tormorrow, I wonder if I will still be the CNA "correspondent"...

Termperature now = 37.4

Termperature at 8:20pm = 37.4
Took panadols at 8:20pm after measuring temperature.
Temperature now is 37.5.

I just went to see the doctor. Had a bad headache, sore throat and fever. Also told doctor that I met C twice (once yesterday for breakfast and once last week) and that she was warded in TTSH for observations the previous week.

Now I am on 3 days MC. Just to be sure that everything, especially the fever, is under control. I need to stay in my room most of the time too and keep a 1 metre distance away from my family members. Need to monitor the fever and see if it goes down too. If it does, it mustn't be because of the panadol.

Temperature before seeing doctor = 37.6
Temperature at clinic (after taking 2 panadols) = 37.0
Temperature while blogging now = 37.3

Otherwise, I feel perfectly fine...headache is gone, though throat still hurts...

BTW, HAPPY BIRTHDAY JENNY!! I don't know if I will ever get used to feeling my real age...it seems I'm stuck at 24-25. Hmm...

Julian...so cute.....so cute....so cute.....

Mustafa Centre really has EVERYTHING under one roof. And the prices are also cheaper! I bought a watch for myself and a bottle of Nina Ricci perfume for Ma.

We had Jap food tonight. The K...nabe restaurant in the Starhub building. Its the one that serves the soup in a "bowl" made from paper and it comes with a little stove and the soup is boiling over the solid fuel at the bottom of the stove. The vegetables were pretty tasty and the beef would have been tasteless if not for the sauce that comes along with it. All in all, it was pretty reasonable food in rather Japanese-like settings. It got quite annoying after while to have the waiters and waitresses yelling the Japanese greeting to every customer that walks in. They sure make the whole place sound noiser than it really is!

We will be going to Pasir Ris park tomorrow for the recce of the campsite for this June's camp. I just had an idea : since TeachMe has rented the place from Friday to Monday and the camp's on Sat and Sun, we could actually look into the possibility of conducting the volunteer training session on Friday night? Or if this is not a good idea because it tires the volunteers out too much, then we would look into bringing out logistics needs over to the campsite on Friday evening and getting the campsite ready that night? Only a few of us who are more free can do that?

Hmm...worth thinking about...

By the way, I bought another 3 of Leslie's movies today....."Inner Senses, Okinawa Rendevous and The Kid"....

I left condolences messages in the forum set up by the LeslieCheung Internet Fan Club (LCIFC).

Staff meeting tomorrow at 9am. Given No.1's strong opinions on late-comers (we were only TWO &^$%# minutes late that day?!?! *&@#^&@&*), I had better not be late! Furthermore, I need to wake up real early to sit on the potty and wait for results to be sent to the clinic before the meeting. With all these preparations to make before I leave the house, and knowing what a terribly slow-poke I am when getting ready to go out, I suppose I will have to wake up at....6:30am?!?

Man...that's early...that's SO early...I have become so settled into the holiday mode. I am praying that MOE will keep schools closed for another week. I need the time next week to prepare my exam papers and all that stuff. Was supposed to have done them this week but then I have been sitting on it. Hey, seriously there were better things to do than set exam papers! (like prepare for the arrival of my beautiful bed)

Looking forward to my first night's rest on my new new bed...it's so cosy!!! yippee....

My new bed is here and I am happily settled into its comfy softness...

Rushed my stuff to the clinic just now but was late. The medical lab dispatch had already left. I was given a new container and told to throw the other one away. Must try harder tomorrow and get it over to the clinic before I go back to school for staff meeting at 9am.

Bought another 2 of Leslie's movies. A Chinese Ghost Story 1 and 2. Just $12.80 only!

Got to get down to work. Set Maths exam papers. Going to Pasir Ris for the camp recce on Saturday morning so I suppose Saturday will be spent out and probably spent there(?)

Hope the school break extends for another week. Then I can really get some work done. Have not been able to do much this week...

The Ikea man woke me up this morning....they're on their way here and will be here between 11:30am to 12pm!! Woohoo!!!!

I have moved the mattress away and have done the last bits of cleaning up...I am READY to receive my new bed....

Tonight, I will sleep on the floor for the last time. Tomorrow the bed that I bought from Ikea will arrive in the afternoon and from tomorrow onwards, I will have a new bed!

I have also rearranged the furniture in my room to accomodate the new shelf that I bought from Ikea too. I like new arrangements...break the monotony...

I did it. I went to HMV this morning after the meeting with SSCD to buy Leslie's CDs. I was quite surprised that the collection was mediocre. I had expected HMV to have a relatively good stock of CDs from all artistes. Sad to say, I was utterly disappointed.

Nevertheless, I managed to buy one CD, Printemps, cos the others were really expensive. Furthermore, I was hoping to get this older ones and not the latest ones. I also bought 2 movies that were by him. "Ashes of Time" and "Days of Being Wild", both of which are movies by the famous Wong Kar Wai. I like Wong Kar Wai's movies. I was so happy that I managed to get the second one. I was actually looking for it and it was the LAST copy! I snatched it up and gripped onto it so tightly when I found it!

I also found out from the HMV staff that "Chungking Express" did not pass the censorship here in Singapore so I suppose I will never watch that movie? Happy Together is also banned, I suppose. It would have been a great one because I like both Leslie and Tony.

Been checking the net constantly to get updates on his demise. I performed net searches in vain to reach the HK tabloids. All I could get was the short and sweet reports of his death from ChannelNewsAsia. Even MingPao News (HK paper) had little reports of his death. I think the best one was from The New Paper....trust this tabloid! As I read the reports, I felt so sad again because they confirmed my personal initial speculation that he was very miserable and he had already reached his emotional limits.

This noon, I was also listening to live HK radio and was tuned into the radio station 2 where they devoted entirely to Leslie. They played his songs all through and they also played some old radio interviews that they did with him. It was hard to imagine that the voice I was listening belonged to a man who had already passed away.

Listening to Printemps now. It's good....*sigh* Leslie...

This blog was written in the early hours of 2 April 2003. I had problems posting it as it was (as stated) “too long”. Anyway, have decided to break it into 2 parts then….
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Leslie Cheung committed suicide on 1 April. He fell 26 storeys to his death.

I was shocked when I found out. Right now, I am listening to his songs. I have a collection of CDs and MP3s and I'm just listening to them. Did a search on the web just now to try to find out more about his death. I keyed in "leslie cheung suicide" and I got a result of a list of the movies that he did and I realised that he actually acted in many many movies that dealt with suicide in them. He himself acted in a few films where the character he played killed himself over love. "Farewell to My Concubine" and "Rouge" to name a few.

I like his slow songs. As I listen to them now, the lyrics are so sad. Together with the tune and his voice, I was so overwhelmed that tears welled in my eyes. It sounds crazy and I know I always laugh at teeny-bopper gals who cry when they see their idols and all that. I cannot explain why I feel so sad. Maybe Leslie is a character that has accompanied me eversince I was 10. I have seen and loved so many of his films (I caught "Farewell To My Concubine" twice in the cinema and many more times at home - I bought the VCD) and I only started to listen to his songs when I was in NUS. And I only like the slow ballads.

I wonder what went on in his mind when he decided to kill himself. What was it that troubled him so much that he wanted to take his life?

I am not an ardent fan of Leslie Cheung. I do not cut out his pictures nor collect his posters. I do not follow his "activity" closely. In fact, I don't even know that he had long "rebonded" hair. I did not even know that openly declared his sexuality. But I definitely listen to his songs (the older ones, though) and I can recognise his unique voice when I hear it. And I enjoy whatever movies that I have watched that have him in them. To me, he is a very talented man.

I feel very sorry and very sad for him. For someone whom many would expect to lead a happy life because he has all the material comforts and even the looks and all that. His life should be cushy and comfy. Which is why I am shocked that he committed suicide.....he must have been very sad and very troubled. Worse, he had no one he felt he could talk to...I mean, for a suicidal person, I'm sure the people around him would have somehow been able to see tell-tale signs of depression or something...for a person to take his own life in the privacy of a hotel room would probably mean, to me, that he was really pushed to the end....to the limits of his emotional capability.

I suddenly feel the impulse to go out and purchase his CDs and keep them as a collection. It's as if I want to keep them to remind myself of him and to always be able to listen to his songs whenever I wish.

I suppose personally, Leslie is a legend. Rest in peace, Leslie....