what a crock of shit.....

Water
Give me water
Ice cold water
Any water
I'm so thirsty!
Attempt at Poetry - Poem1

The blister that he had been having for the past month or so has finally been diagnosed to be an ulcer. We decided to just go to a clinic today to see an ordinary doctor after being told that appointments with his regular doctors were not available today. So while we were chilling out and having a drink at TTS hospital atrium, he saw the "Walk-in Clinic" and we decided to just step in. Luckily there were no other patients so he saw the doctor pretty soon. The doctor prescribed an antibiotic cream and also a round of antibiotics to be taken over 10 days. The wait at the pharmacy was approximately 20 minutes. When we saw the pharmacist, she asked if he had any drug allergies. Apparently the blur doctor had prescribed a sulfur drug (even after being told that he had sulfur allergies!). The doctor could not be reached to change the medication as he had gone out for lunch. In the end we were advised to just take the medication and inform the doctor of any symptoms of allergy shows. (Symptoms could be rashes, swelling of the face or in serious cases, difficulty in breathing, to which a trip to the A&E was necessary!) We had no choice but to leave (and not wait for Mr Doctor to finish his lunch) as he had his physio appointment at AH and we were almost late.

Upon reaching AH, we realised that the doctor had only given him an MC till Friday. What about Saturday? The doc was (again) already told that he works on Saturday. So crappy!!!!! In the end, we took a cab back to TTS after physio to get the MC changed and also to change the medication. Due to the negligence of the insensitive doctor, we had to shuttle between the 2 hospitals today. Cab fare to and fro was a total of about $15. Costly, considering the fact that it need not be spent in the first place. The money spent is not the main concern. Can you imagine if he had taken the sulfur drug and developed serious symptoms of allergies in the middle of the night? Who's going to be responsible?

We also went to ALC this morning to "saw" off the rubber ends of his right "foot" as it was one size bigger. Mr Ho could not do much to the socket today as he had to wait for the ulcer to heal before he could put on the silicon sock on again. So that means longer waiting time. HweeHian got Mr Chia to see him today at AH and we got into a mini discussion and learnt more about his prosthesis today. I suppose we are in the process of searching and trying out different prosthesis to finally get the best fitting one. Some people take years to finally settle on the best brand and best fit for them. I suppose the cost of fixing one is one of the factors. It's like buying shoes at the boutique, searching and trying on many pairs till you find one that you are satisfied with. But this is different as it takes time to construct and make a prosthesis. It takes many trips down to the hospital to have fittings and to take measurements. It takes another couple of weeks to months to get used to walking with the new leg. Funny how our medical facilities in Singapore are claimed to be of world-class standards and yet such hassles cannot be avoided, such "blur" doctors could still be given the license.

Nevertheless, I'm with you every step of the way.

We booked for our Bali trip! This is where we're staying....

I've got so much to say but I'm not able to express it all now. Later...

It's all in my soul.

Can you feel it?

I'm in the midst of changing the look o this blog. Using raw html. No background knowledge. Just learning experentially.

From Collin Raye's song....

When I tell you that I love you
I love you more than words can say
When you kiss me for no reason
It goes straight to my heart
When I feel your arms around me
I almost fall apart
When I watch you sleeping
All my worries fade away
A little bit of heaven glows on your face

I wish I could save these moments
And put 'em in a jar
I wish I could stop the world from turning
Keep things just the way they are
I wish I could shelter you from everything
Not pure and sweet and good

I'm coming down with the flu. Was feverish, coughing and had a bloked nose the whole day. The worse thing is, I always seem to fall ill when I have so many things to do in school that I cannot afford to go on MC. I will be printing result slips for the entire cohort of 1400 students single-handedly this time. Hey, it's no joke man. It takes about 15 minutes to churn out the result slips for one class and about another 10-15 minutes to print all 40 copies out. I just pray that no one will come running to me asking me to reprint one or two pieces that they have made a typo in the remarks column. I cross my fingers even harder hoping that none of the teachers will make any mistake in the keying in of the marks as that would mean having to level rank the entire level of students and to print the entire level of result slips again...

Just some PMS nightmares. By the way, PMS = Pupil Monitoring System. Not what you think...

Going to sleep now and pray that I wake up feeling better..

my finger tips are so sore....and my arms are really aching from my elbow down....

*ouch*

We went over to Ian's house today to learn how to play a boardgame that we will be playing during the TM camp in June. Then we went to Millenia Walk to view MF's booth at the LaSalle SIA exhibition. There were 2 there. One interior design and one graphic design exhibition. The graphic design one was very inspiring. I'm not sure if I have the talent or the creativity to come up with the ideas, but I definitely love the kind of work that goes into the whole production of the full project. We had a glimpse, an idea of what to expect for his VC course at NAFA. I think its so exciting. Dear, you have my full support for this course...I can imagine us spending time together doing up the details for the projects and things like that...I mean, I would love to be part of it!

MF is so talented. I hope she will be able to prove her talents not through her qualifications but through her portfolio and her works. You see, she cannot get the Dip because she could not pass the English clearance exams. That's all. What she has learnt and what she is capable of is definitely not less than those of a Dip holder.

Life...is it fair? Do things balance out in their own ways?

Was I over-sensitive or was D not too happy that I was around just now? Is it hard for guys to talk when their girlfriends are around? I hope the conversation between the 2 of them was not, in any way, constipated nor worse, due to me....

I would like to blog more but I think the beer made me mighty sleepy....goodnight!

I'll be meeting the kids at 9:50am later to visit Salleh together.

*reflective mood*

Salleh's mother passed away yesterday at 3pm. Zaini called me and told me about it. He was pretty shaken too. It's too sudden.

When my father passed away, I thought I was too young to lose my father. We were instructed not to cry or call out to him as he was passing away. We were, instead, supposed to recite some buddhist chants continuously. I was there but I could not control myself. I had to run out of the room and I really broke down along the corridor. When his body was sent back to my void deck in the middle of the night, the coffin had not arrived yet and he was shrouded in a piece of white cloth and was put lying on a make-shift bench at the void deck. The whole tentage was already there so we had some privacy. I sat there looking at him. I touched his forehead. It was cold and unfamiliar. I was so sad. The pain was immense.....but I had no tears at that time. I just felt this dark emptiness, this deep hollow in me.

The whole funeral was very draining. I was too tired to think so much. Too tired to miss him as yet. Besides tending to the funeral and the relatives and friends who visited, the rest of the time I was sitting next to his coffin. Just sitting there. I remember packing his belongings and putting them into his coffin with him. He wore the suit that he had worn when my parents got married. He looked as if he was sleeping and I kept observing closely to see if he was breathing. It seemed so unreal to see him lying there motionless.

Just before we left for the crematorium, the pall-bearers came and we were instructed to turn around, back facing the coffin, as they put on the lid of the coffin. Then we heard them banging the nails into the coffin to shut the lid tightly. Every bang was like a knife piercing through me. I completely soaked the handkerchief that we were each given. The journey to Mount Vernon was quiet and peaceful. We were too tired and too absorbed in our own thoughts to say anything to each other. My mother was told not to come with us but she insisted on coming along.

When we were ushered into the little viewing room, my hands and feet went cold even though I knew and expected what was going to happen. I had already mentally prepared myself for this moment. I stood there, holding hands with my mum, sister and my brother. I was gripping onto my sister's hand so tighty and my brother had his arm around me. There was this loud rushing sound of the metal rollers as the coffin was pushed into the furnace. They pushed it in so quickly. My knees went weak and I almost collapsed as we all crumbled and wept. My auntie had to help me walk out of the room. It felt like the end. The final goodbye.

Pa, I miss you.

I learnt so many things at the physio session today. I realise that there are so many areas that we have not explored that can enable him to walk better, feel more comfortable, build up more muscle strength and have less pain. I mean, we knew that there was much more that could be done but we were not aware of the ways to reach the correct people who had the expertise who could really pay attention to us, listen and give advice. I think that's the missing link between the correct therapy and those who need it. Someone has to bridge the two, someone who has the authority to make the referrals or someone who has gone through similar therapy. We're glad his MO referred him here. We learnt some different exercises that he could do at home to build up his muscles, tips on what was "wrong" with the way he was walking, tips on how to improve his balance when walking/standing and even massage methods to slowly reduce the sensitivity of the nerves in his leg. It was indeed a fruitful session.

Listening to the questions posed by the physiotherapist and his answers to them also made me realise that there are some things that he went through last year that I am unaware of. Not that I don't want to ask or that I don't want to know, and not that he doesn't want to tell me, but these are just things that would never have crossed my mind to ask him about regarding his operation last year. And on his part there would be no "need" to tell me unless we were actually talking about such things. I mean, I don't even know that we have 2 bones in our calve so I wouldn't think of asking him how the operation was performed on those 2 bones. I learnt quite alot by listening to the conversation between him and the physiotherapist today. I'm not exactly sure how (because I wouldn't know what to ask) , but I would want to find out more about him and the amputation. I mean, I want to know all about my darling. If he is to be my husband, I must know, mustn't I? How else can I understand more about his condition and help him in the physio therapy sessions at home if I don't even know the facts? He's so much a part of of my life now that he's almost like a part of me already.

You know, what I feel forhim is indescribable......

The Attack of the BM
I tried so hard to avoid her but she just had her way of "bumping" into me along the corridors to catch hold of me. Arghhhhh!! BM breathing fire down my neck! She tried to get me to meet the publisher/printer tomorrow afternoon. Are you crazy man? It's half day tomorrow for everyone! It's declared! Endorsed by the big boss! We're supposed to be celebrating our good O level results last year! No way am I going to stay back in school just to meet the printer to discuss the lousy gift pack. What can you get on a $2 budget? And just when I thought I had finally gotten rid of her today (by hiding at the corner in front of this pc), she came in and said "There you are!" and yeah, she had more to add to the whole gift pack. *yak yak yak yak yak*

Going off at 1230 man!! yippee!! We're going to NAFA to check out the courses, then to Alexandra Hospital for his physiotherapy and then for meeting later for the Malacca Trip.

*perspire profusely*

That's it!! I found a buyer for my gym membership!! GREAT!!!! I'm so excited. Not only does that mean I get some money back to clear my credit card bills, it also means I stop "wasting my money" at a gym that I don't use anymore. What a relief. *phew* Thank you Ivlong, dag, monkey bird....whatever. hehe....:-)

Oh puh-lease.............

I really don't feel like working today. I've completed all my marking. Now all I have to do is all the admin work in preparation for the activities in June. I just don't have the mood.

The Return of the BM
BM spoke to me today in the exam hall regarding the programme we're preparing now. I cannot describe how I feel about talking to her. She's back after so long. I was asking myself, what is it? What did she do or what did I do that brought about this feeling of....resentment? I really don't know. I just feel like I don't want to talk to her or discuss things with her. She's pushy I guess. But then again, its something that I have to get done. She also likes to push her own ideas through. It's no point coming up with my own ideas for the project because at the end of it all, she will throw my ideas away and we will all have to accept HER idea. She will try her best convince us that her idea is good, but in the end it will still be forced down our throat. So, maybe that's why I really dreaded The Return of the BM.

I woke up late today. Honestly I did not hear the alarm that I set on my phone. Anyway, I did my usual morning routine without even rushing. I was actually pretty cool about it. Reached school at 7:25am. 25 minues after I woke up. Breezed into school as the students were walking back to their classrooms from the carpark. I even smiled at the VP. Who cares? I'm human. Humans oversleep once in a while.

The heat out there is unbearable. Opening the staffroom door from the inside feels like I've opened the oven door to check on my cookies. Sam said it was so cold last night. It was actually windy at his place!? I had to sleep with the fan on full blast. Not going to write down what I wore (or did not wear) to bed. I was so hot. (temperature, I mean)

We may not be going to Bali this June. It will be really rush for me cos I have so many things going on. But hmmm....I think I will need a break, as in a short holiday, so maybe we'll go somewhere nearer and for a shorter time? Hmmm....but cost is one thing too...my cashflow isn't very liquid. Nevertheless, I'll take my break. Here or somewhere else. I will have my break. I must.

I had a wonderful time with him today.

You are who you are. Just be.

Sometimes in life we just get so caught up in being concerned with how others see us and how we are percieved by others. Have you even wondered if others thought about you the way that you really are? Ever wondered if anyone thought something about you that wasn't true?

I fell into that trap today. I was quite surprised that he could sense that I was bothered by something. He was really sweet about it and he listened to my woes and my confused thoughts. I was going around in circles getting more and more confused about how I should think and what I should do. Then he said, "Just be yourself". And that was it. It was like magic. I wasn't confused anymore. I wasn't upset anymore. I knew what I had to do. Just be me.

Turned out, anyway, that I was over-sensitive about the issue actually.

I'm so blessed. I am surrounded by love from everyone around me.

The Singapore Polytechnic Auditorium is excellent! We will have our concert there...

I am either allergic to the antibiotics or the painkiller prescribed. Woke up this morning with very swollen and red eyes. I looked like I cried for the whole night. The silly thing is, I thought I might have been some cream that got into my eyes the night before so I ignored it and I even took the morning dose of the medication. It wasn't until I was in school that I realised that I could be allergic to the medicine. *sigh*

Just changed the medication at the clinics....my eyes are still slightly swollen and red....

Too little input of water and holding on for too long before the release has led me to urinary tract infection yet again....peeing is such a torture at times....

I just mass mailed all my ex band members (ok not all, but whomever I had the contact of) telling them to give me some of their details. I am starting an Alumni Band. Something I promised them and myself that I would do. The kids deserve it. I am also in the midst of organizing for a band concert at the end of the year. There's soooo much to do!!!! I still have the Band enrichment programme to think about, the Band camp to plan, the school performances to worry about, and not forgetting the promotion ceremony....its endless....

But somehow, if it's for the band, I'm happy working for it. *SMILE*

Her new hairstyle rocks
She's got a wonderful smile
She is really cute and bubbly
This gal can dance really well!

Did not manage to get to know everyone at MW2 that night but nevertheless I thoroughly enjoyed myself seeing all you happy people. Learnt that she is also a teacher but did not get to speak to her though..... The music was too loud and we were too busy pumping to the music and drinking away. Hehe....Thanks Jude for organizing the whole thing.

Noticed that he seemed to be leaning alot on his right side when he walks. He definitely limps less eversince he got the new prosthetic. It's really cool and much more convenient for him. He doesn't even need the walking stick now that this new prosthetic gives him so much energy returns. It's cool.

I did not get any marking done today. Nevertheless, today was well-spent.

Met up for the MDAS Trip to Malacca today at BK. Discussion is almost complete. Just that I have to go get the materials and stuff that we need for the games and activities that we're going to play on the bus and during the dinner. June will be busy. I still have the other camp to think about and to prepare. *panic?!*

Sometimes I wonder if I could just do such things for a living. I mean, my mind becomes so alive when discussing and thinking of ideas for acitivities and games for the camps and trips. But then again, I'm a volunteer now. Doing it for a living will probably bring a whole new perspective into the whole thing...will it? Anyway, I don't see myself ever quitting the HFC. It's so much a part of me now...

We caught Spiderman at wm just now. It was good. The usual super-hero flick that you would expect, good wins evil, good guy gets the girl's love in the end...but still, very entertaining. I wish I could fly around like him. I love the way he body crouches and then surges forward when he's swinging around. It's so dynamic! So energetic, so fluid. It looks so fun!! Reminds me of the times I used to swing across the monkey bars in primary school. Joey and I would take just two laps across the whole stretch of the bar and we would sometimes stop halfway, hang on one arm and behave and scream like a monkey....it's no wonder why we wer called the Monkey Girls' School...(?)

We talked about the setting up of the Amputee Care Team today. Seems like there needs to be extensive discussion into the formal setting up of the entire committee and club, and there are alot of loose ends to tie up here and there. Well, he volunteered to help do up a website for the team and I think it's a brilliant idea. He will do a great job. I believe in him. We had so much to say to each other that we even had to pause at my corridor to finish whatever we we were talking about and we had to push the rest of the chat and adjourn it till we see each other again tomorrow. Such chatterboxes we are....so talkative...hehehe... :-)

oh no....I feel a sore throat coming up.

Not been having enough sleep lately. I guess when you're busy working, 24 hours a day just doesn't seem enough. I wish there could be more hours to the "evening" and 2 or 3 more hours before "late night" happens. Know what I mean? Then at least I will have more time for my "leisure hours". Then if that has always been the case since Time began, then our bodies would be able to adjust to the tempo and the biological clock will be able to withstand longer hours and have an equal amount of shut-eye hours. Then everything will balance out. There will be more alert people around, people will have enough rest, less grouchy beings, more recreation hours....hmmm....

fat hope.

funny one!

It's been 5 incredible months....

Tomorrow I will have 320 exam scripts coming in for me to grade. 320 essay. And I have one week (till next Thursday) to complete them because come next Thursday, I will have 160 more scripts coming in for grading. I just dread this time of the year....

How did you celebrate your labour day? We went out last night. He was so cute - he called me in the evening and asked I thought it was ok that he went out. You see, the blister on his leg is still bleeding and he was supposed to be grounded till Thursday. Anyway, it had gotten better already so we went to SLS together as he needed to buy a new hard disk for his peecee to replace the faulty one. We had dinner at Newton where he satisfied his craving for the otah there and I satisfied mine for the "la-la". We wanted to go to Jazz@Southbridge but it was too early. So we ended up taking the MRT all the way to Changi Airport! Went for a walk there, then we took the MRT back towards town. I was getting uncontrollably sleepy so we decided to go home. Halfway through the journey, I had a craving for the porridge at Chinatown, so we got off at Outram and went for porridge. It gave me more energy and then after that, we went to Jazz@Southbridge! What an exciting night....!!

Turned out, his hard disk was not faulty. So he has 2 now....

It's been 3 days since I last turned on my computer at home and I don't feel any withdrawal symptoms at all. I think I might just be able to live wihtout one?

Got this profound sentence from a student's essay. Not sure she got it from somewhere else, but its powerful... :
"Happiness is when you give up what you want and enjoy what you already have"