J : Whatevers mine is yours!
H : Yay!!!

I love you baby....

We had so much fun at Mustafa's!! We were there on Saturday night, and then tonight we were back there again...here is a list of what I bought on both sprees :

1. Nike sneakers (Kids' size!! *hehe*)
2. 10 fridge magnets (for NZ peeps)
3. 6 SIA Batik packet tissue holders (for NZ peeps)
4. 2 YALE padlocks (opens with just 1 set of keys)
5. 3 MM padlocks (opens with just 1 set of keys too)
6. small torchlight (super bright)
7. 2 NZ travel adapters (at $1.40 each)
8. 1 set of travel adapters (for any country, comes with a blue pouch)
9. sanitary pads (20's, cottony cover)
10. small travel adapter (for the lamp I bought for the NZ principal hosting us)
11. 1 DVD player (!!) (Brand : Shinco. Never heard of, but the salesman was convincing)

Hooray!! What joy to buy and buy...haha!! I am so delighted with my purchases! The fridge magnets were a real steal. I saw the EXACT same magnets at Lim's (Holland V) and they were going at $3.50. I got mine from trusty Mustafa's at only $2.00!

We had fun today...ventured into the newest Mustafa block and that was where I bought the DVD player. We had teh tarik at our usual coffeeshop before heading home.

I'm behaving as if there is no school tomorrow and I do not need to work. Ooh....just let me pretend for once? I'm going to do some packing for my stuff..the trip's this Friday! Been having bad dreams about it. I hope everything goes on well.

I think I need to put in more feelings into these blogs....I don't know man...

Been reading her blog and I can almost tell her character from it. It's like her blog reflects her character. So I started to wonder if mine reflects my character, and if it does, what does it say? What do others see?

Sometimes I think that I think too much. I can be so easily affected by a stupid dream that it can make me paraniod about things. I think it's because my dreams used to foretell things. A bad dream means something bad is about to happen to something that means alot to me. Up to today, I still feel paranoid about my dreams.

We're leaving on 29 Oct but there are no tickets confirmed yet!

Goodbye Mr Goh...

Mr Goh passed away on Tuesday after fighting cancer since January. We were all so shocked when we found out in school. It felt so unreal. Mr Goh was one of my first friends in this school. When I first came to this school, I usedto sit right next to him and he was one of the first few who were friendly and kind to me. I will never forget him always joking about my tidbit-cupboard. I had this little cupboard/drawer at my table I that was where I stored all my goodies. He always said I was like his daughter - we both enjoy tidbits.

Sigh. Mr Goh's passing made us all think about life. We realise that we should not sell our life to school. Mr Goh only retired in June last year! He had not even begun to enjoy life and then he had to go. He was waiting for his wife to retire and he always talked about going travelling with her. He was such a loving husband and a very very good man. I felt really sad and cried a few times at the funeral. Certainly there is more to life than just work and suffering? There's a lesson here that he is leaving behind for us.

To summarize what else has happened for this week, well, I was on MC for Monday and Tuesday...then we found out about Mr Goh on Wednesday, visited his wake on Wednesday and Thursday, went out with a bunch of my ex-students on Friday night, went to send Mr Goh off on Saturday morning and then met up with the HFC Committee to discuss the camp in the noon and then spent the rest of the weekend with my baby...what a week...

Friday Night : I met up with Ian, GuoAn, Ashrin, Junliang, Sharifah and Lionel. We had pizza at Far East Plaza and then we went to play pool at Lucky Plaza. After that, we went to Chinablack! It was kind of weird at first, to be clubbing with your ex-students, but then I realise that they were all about my cousin's age so it wasn't so bad after all. In fact, I honestly don't feel as if I am THAT much older...hehehe... We had good clean fun...no excessive drinking (we all had just one drink, in fact...was so thirsty when we went home!) , just alot of dancing and grooving to the music. There was a whole 2 hours of RnB and it was great! The funny thing was, Chinese tend to dance to RnB in the exact same style as they would dance to techno music. It was odd! I honestly don't think Chinese have as much groove as the other races...generally speaking of course. Anyway, I shared a cab with 3 other of them as we all lived in Bt Batok...all in all, we had great fun and would probably do this again next time. But I dont' see it as a regular thing...meeting up too often would sort of "kill" the novelty of the gathering...

Tonight : We saw Exorcist tonight. It was quite scary. I don't think it's as bad as what the critics said. I mean, critics rated The Terminal badly?!?! It says lots about their taste huh? I bought ABBA ; The Definitive Collection. I figured it's something I would want to keep for the rest of my life so it was worth the money. I always enjoyed ABBA's music whenever it came on the radio. Am listening to it now and I can't recognise most of the songs!

Eyes : My right eye is still blur. Right now, my eyes are feeling dead tired from staring at this screen for such a long time. I am ending this here.

Depressed with my Shitload.

I'm real depressed man...was just lying in bed thinking of all the things that I have to do and I just burst out crying! I am so frustrated. I don't know why I have so many things to do that others don't. I don't see why I have to be so responsible. Can I try to be inefficient and irresponsible for once and let some of these things fall? Why do all these things depend on me so much? It's like everything depends on whether or not Ms N has done this part or that part yet. I mean, hello, don't forget that Ms N is also a teacher who has the normal teaching load and MARKING LOAD ok. It's not like I have alot of free time to do all these things?! Stop loading me with work just because you know I am efficient and I will get it done.

I've had it. I'm sick and tired of work. I wonder what will happen if I run away from all of this. Oh come on huey, you don't even have a choice so why bother day dreaming about running away from it all? It's not like there's a choice you know. You know that you will have to move on and DO IT ALL when you get back to work tomorrow. So shuddup and finish your marking now so you can at least have some rest tonight.

Should I use the mc for tomorrow? Doctor gave me 2 days to rest but I am not even sure if I can afford two days of rest?! Isn't this ridiculous?!

I'm so tired of it all. So tired. I don't see any motivation at all. Nothing motivates me. I used to think that what I do will benefit the students. True, this NZ trip will be good for them and they will have fun and have an experience. But who appreciates all the shitload that Ms N has to do so that they have have a good time? Who even KNOWS about the shit that she's standing in right now?

Haha...even if they knew, they can only stand and watch. No one can help me. Absolutely no one. At the end of the day, its still Ms N's Shit and its something she has to go through and to clear up. I can't throw them on another person to handle can I? I can't just stand in that pile of shit and let it creep up my legs can I? I can't just pull myself out and run away and hope that it evaporates into thin air can I?

So you see, I am stuck.

I had a strange dream last night. I dreamt that I was with Tango, Emily, Kwangyi, my aunt and some other people. There was a dining table and they were seated at the table. I was standing across from Tango and it was the day that he was supposed to fly back to Arizona. We were going around saying our goodbyes and then he got up and walked over to my side of the table. Just then, we seemed to be transported back in time to the period when we were all in Arizona making plans for the funeral and all that. Suddenly, Tango was not Tango anymore...he was Han...I did not see his face but I knew that it was han...he came over to me and I gave him a hug..I wanted to say good bye and have a good trip back but I started crying instead because I started to miss him. Right at that moment, I woke up crying, realising that he's gone and I just kept on crying.

*sigh*

Life has been hectic. What's new huh? So many things have happened but I have not had the time to record them here. I'm not ready to spend so much time sitting here just updating every single thing. I guess things will just ahve to pick up from here and I will "update" abou the past few months as and when I can. Righ now, I need to go off and type out all the plans that we have made fro the Dec camp. been procrastinating for too long and I know that I will not have the time during this week to do it. Better to do it tonight.

My exam papers will be in for marking on Tuesday!!!!

I hate admin work. I simply hate it.

It's han's 49th day tomorrow. It's a strange feelng...suddenly reality dawns in on me that it has been 49 days since he left us. Barely 49 days, already 49 days...whichever way you look at it.

I was reading Auguste's email to Soi Yee just now and somehow what he said in the email, the content and the tone just made me feel as if I was back in Arizona and we were going through the funeral arrangements. It's all still so fresh in my memory.

Han....I really don't know what this 49 days mean to me tomorrow. I never really took it for real that you are around us within these 49 days. But now that the 49th day means you will leave for good, that your soul will leave forever, I feel sad all over again, as if losing you a second time. I still cannot quite believe that you are gone forever. It's not a reality that has totally set in. I still cry when I think of you and I still cannot bear to think of you for too long, in case I cry. Even thinking of the beautiful memories makes me cry.

Remember when we went out to "chiong" together? I brought you into Chinajump and we've also been to SOS before? You're the only cousin whom I dare to really be myself with, whom I dare to smoke in front of and not be judged or scolded. What we had was so special and I cannot believe that it's something that will be gone forever. Why do you have to leave so soon?

I woke up crying on Saturday night because I had another dream. You were not physically in it but I was thinking of you in my dream. I saw a pilot who was undergoing training and there was another trainer pilot who was there. The trainer was sitting on a platform on the pilot's shoulders and he was supposed to undergo the training to pull the plane upwards when it's falling and when the pressure is very heavy on his shoulders. The pilot was gritting his teeth and it was so difficult to do that. Then the trainer said something like this was exactly what happened to LTA Brandon Loo and that's why he crashed. Just the thought of you in my dream made me cry. The dream was just there for a few spilt seconds. I was semi-concious. I woke up crying and crying.

Sometimes I do not know whether it is a good thing to be so busy at work. My life is jammed packed with things to do and I have little time to think about things, about you. I wish I could spend more time with you in my thoughts but I am really stressed up at work. Maybe it's a good thing because it helps to distract me and I can slowly get over this. I dunno...

I managed to retrieve my friendster account sometime last week and I printed out your testimony for me. I actually pasted it at my workstation in school. You know, I had always wanted to write you a long long testimonial but I procrastinated like crazy. Now, I have no more chance to tell the whole world and tell your good friends what a dear cousin you are to me and how much fun we have together. I remember those messages you posted on my message board, saying things like me looking so "gek sai" in the photo with Bart and I rememebr replying saying that yours was no better and that it was "gek sei". We were talking about you coming back in April and us meeting up by hook or by crook remember?

I really miss you. I don't know if I will ever get over your death and if I will ever stop missing you. My father's left me for almost 7 years already and I still miss him and I still cry when I think of him. Now I have one more person that I will miss...

You've taught me many good lessons about life. I will keep you with me forever. Han....wherever you are now and wherever you may go after tomorrow....don't forget me ok? Please take care...take good care...and I hope we will meet again someday...be it in my dreams, or in our next life, or whatever...

I had a strange dream during the 20 minute nap just now. I dreamt that I was on some hilltop with my aunt and uncle and I think my mum was also there. We were on some sort of verandah over-looking mountains and some land below. There was supposed to be some sort of meeting or speech of buddhist chants or something..can't remember. (it's really fuzzy now) But in my dream, I was walking around the table where we were seated and I was getting ready to speak. But then suddenly I noticed that I could not see the mountains and the land below because it was somewhat blurred. As in, there seemed to be some sort of orangy fog creeping up on us. It came so close it was at the edge of the verandah. I was a little afraid and was really wondering why the rest did not notice that we were about to be engulfed in the fog. Then when I raised the alarm, the fog suddenly dissipated and it backed out slowly till I could see the villages and the land below and finally the mountains.

It was really wierd. We were on the verandah for something that had to do with han...then the fog and everything...it was SO strange...

I miss him alot. I was on a cab on my way to holland village for coffee just now and somehow I just kept thinking about him. I closed my eyes and I could see the crash site, his apartment, his photographs. I could almost hear the tune that was used for the slideshow that they used for the memorial service (Thye used the theme from Forrest Gump) and the music just made me cry. It's so unreal to have him gone forever. It's just so unreal. I really miss him. I still have his hp number in my phone and sometimes I wish I could just dial that number and speak to him again, wherever he is. He was always the one to call me up whenever he felt like it. He bothered to spend time chatting on the phone and catching up with me. He would call me on my birthday and I would call him too. Whenever I am on ICQ, we would surely chat and catch up, even if it was for the most trivial of things. Even if it were silly family gossips, or me telling him about Rachel and Julian.

Brandon...han...wherever you are...rest in peace. I will never forget you and I pray that we will meet again, maybe in our next life or something...I've always been very proud of you and I will always be. Thank you for being such a wonderful cousin. What we have is really special and I will always cherish it. I miss you so much....*HUGS*

I wanted to top-up my EZlink card so I paid 80 cents to take the feeder bus to the interchange. When I got the card done, I felt so stranded there. My heels were biting onto my feet and I was like in the middle of nowhere...not near enough to the bus-stop that has direct buses to my home, no buses at the interchange that will take me to any busstop near my home, the only feeder bus that I can take just left, taxi-stand at West Mall is equally far away, nothing I want to do at West Mall....I felt so stranded!

Anyway, I went to West Mall, bought a facial cleanser and some nail polish, then went to Breadtalk and bought some buns to have for dinner. Munching on a Firefloss now.

Can anything in school be more important than an appointment to see the gynae for a baby that is due in about a week's time? He did not allow her to go to see her gynae!! He asked her to push her appointment to another date!! All for a stupid meeting about discipline in the NT stream! WTF??

By the way, the Nan Chiau High principal's case is a sad one. I am 100% sure the student is no angel. Sometimes I wonder why we teachers have to go through all the shit for students who do not deserve it.

I scolded them today. They were simply sitting there like 39 big huge rocks. Yes, that was how I felt. They were like rocks. No response. Let me explain what happened :

"Let's go through Paper 2 now. Take out your solutions and the question paper."
*takes out paper
"Ok....any problems with this paper?"
*no answer....everyone looking down at their own work, or staring at me, or scribbling stuff...
"No problems at all? Really?"
*no answer
"Ok let's do this page by page...Page 1...Questions 1 to 4...any problems?"
*no answer
"All ok? No problems at all?"
*no answer
"everyone got it correct?"
*no answer
"How about Question 5 to 8 on the next page...any problems?"
*no answer
"Really so good ah? You can do every question and get all the correct answers?"
*One boy asked for Qn 7C to be discussed.
"OK Question 7C, everyone.....(discuss 7C on the board, completes explaining the question)"
"Any other problems?"
*no answer. Some copying the solution for 7C from the board
"Or you have not even tried the paper yet...I think some have not even tried yet...am I right?"
*no answer. Some shuffling their papers, pretending to look busy. Others sit and stare at me.
"Would you like more time to complete this paper?"
*no answer
"......." (blood beginning to BOIL)

What the f***??? If they CANNOT do the paper, they would not tell me. If they CAN do the paper, they also would not tell me. If they have not done the paper, they would not tell me. If they have completed the paper with no problems at all, they would still not tell me. This class just would not respond at all! And it's not like they are defiant or naughty. They are just quiet. They are a bunch of quiet people who are not-so-quiet when they are on their own. But once they sit down in the classroom and on thier own chair, it's almost like some switch button turns off their voice box. I've met them in the canteen and we sit down and chat and trust me, majority of them are quite chatty when they're not in class. Put them in the classroom and voila!! -- no more voice....

I was so frustrated that I gave them a piece of my mind today. If these people are going to go out to the working world, or to JC or poly for that matter, they will NOT survive. If they don't want to learn to open their golden mouth and get over that stupid Asian-Singaporean "scare pai say" mentality, they will be left behind.

That's all. That was it. I left the class without another word, after the 10 minute lecture that I delivered.

I left because I was so agitated that I was close to tears.

This is Wen wen....isn't she decievingly innocent here?

Wenwen bit me!! I did not realise that I was actually bleeding rather profusely until I settled her securely in a container. All the fingers on my right hand were bloody and there were spots of blood all over the floor. Then I noticed that I was actually trembling - I don't know why. The wound was quite deep. I have 7 different "bite-holes" in both my hands.

She was trying to escape when I caught her and was holding her rather tightly cos I did not want her to scoot off under the cupboard. She was eithr very frightened or very angry because she really bit me hard. There was this bite where she refused to let go and I was actually trying to pull her off my left hand!

Now the middle finger on my right hand is slightly swollen around the area where she sank her teeth into me. Even as I am typing this now, my right hand feels kind of painful.

Honestly, I am quite scared of her now. This fear extends to hamham a little too and I have to constantly tell myself that hamham is very good-natured and very well-behaved. Hamham has never ever bitten me, much less to show any form of aggression towards me or towards Mimi or Wenwen. He's such a gentleman! THis Wenwen certainly has a very bad temper!

Ouch.

Funny how you have the ultimate downloading software to get all the stuff you want, but then you just can't think of what to download.

My weekend's been good so far because I have not thought about work at all. Been having a very good mental getaway from it all. I wish I was studying or something. SL is doing her masters at NUS now and things look pretty stressful for her but its school life. No worries about work, no heavy responsiblities, no politics. A student's life is defintely better. (that is, if you got the money)

Maybe I will do my masters one day. Maybe we will fly away to another place to continue our studies and have our babies there.

Why is money so important? Would we be able to lead a fulfilling life with less money - in Singapore? Would it be possible to not stress out our kids in their schoolwork and let them enjoy their childhood - in Singapore?

I'm trying very very hard to clear my room and to have a minimalistic life, but it's really not easy. I threw lots away but I still have lots.

Had lots to blog but have no mood right now. In fact, I have alot of things to do to prepare for tomorrow morning, so what am I doing here?

My room is in a mess and I need to pack. I don't have enough space! Saw in "Monster" this rental of storeroom space where you can put all your barang barang and lock up. I wish we had such services here.

Dammit...not enough time....

What do you see?

It's been such a long time since I last blogged. Almost like this diary thing is dead.

J is getting married tomorrow. I can't bring myself to congratulate her. I can only say "all the best". I pray that she will be happy and I hope things will work out for her. Personally, I think nothing can be compared to the physical intimacy that she has to psycho herself to accept. I don't think that I will ever be able to do that.

Things have come to a point where we all don't talk too much about it anymore. We used to talk alot about it and we used to try to help her get out of the whole thing. There was still chance that she would do something about it herself, to reac hout for her own happiness and to break away from these chains. We gave her a million and one opinions, suggestions and what not. But ultimately the decision still lies with her. She chose to please her mother and to betray herself. She chose not to hurt or embarrass him and to trade her whole life for it. What more can we say? I have so many things to talk to her about. To warn her about. But I think it's too late to talk now. I'm torn between helping a friend and breaking up her marraige.

I want to scold her. I want to say "You brought this upon yourself", "You had choices which you refused to see nor use" etc etc. But it's too late and its pointless now.

All the best Jay. I love you alot and the last thing I want is to see you hurt and unhappy. I can't bring myself to like your husband because of what is is forcing you into, but that's beside the point and that has nothing to do with you. I will be here should you need my help in anything at all. You still have us to run to if things don't work out. I just hope you don't bottle it all inside and hide it from us for fear of us saying "I told you so". I will never say that to you because it's just not constructive anymore.

Take care Jay.

We did the BBQ thingey for Valentine's Day! He was especially happy with the new Castrol easy chair that he got free from servicing his car. This chair can hold your cigarettes in one pocket of the arm rest, and your drink in the pocket of the other! What an ultimate ideal creation for the lazy beach bum.

We did not buy any Valentine's Day gift for each other. Or at least, I did not buy anything for him...he surprised me with a bouquet of pink roses that he ordered from YY. Went all the way to Telok Kurau to collect the flowers and left me in the car, in suspense. The roses are lovely baby..thank you!! *Smooch*

Had loads of fun with the Dimage digi-cam that I bought for him for this birthday. We took lots of silly shots and managed to capture some really good pics...the sillouette photos were the best! Will post them once I get them from him.

It's work tomorrow. I am so tired of it. Busy as hell, as always. I have a million and one things to do and I am really up to my neck. Been sitting in my room since this noon, marking and planning out my lessons, setting tests, etc. It's such a huge chore!!

Just had the first meeting for the June Camp with Awwa staff on Saturday. Work begins for the camp now. I need to recruit more people into the committee and I need to obtain camp locations and begin the recee for it. All these by end of this month!! I look at my calender and every weekend from now till April is gone. Band concert, rehearsal and camp will take up 3 weekends in March already.

Stress ah!!! Ok...*take deep breath*.....back to work for now....no time to think about the stress...just got to gear up and move on...

Mimi started to be sick on Saturday. I noticed that her stools were light brown and soft, instead of the usual black, dry and hard. Her condition worsened and I brought her to see a vet on Monday night. The vet ascertained that she was suffering from wet tail . She said that there was a 50-50 chance of survival. She prescribed some anti-btiotics and other medication, got her staff to teach me how to force-feed Mimi using a syringe, and gave mimi a "bath" to clean up her messy bottom. She also applied some cream to sooth the pain.

Mimi shrunk so much! She used to be so fat and soft. Within those few days, she was almost reduced to skin and bones. I stroked her back only to feel her backbone beneath her fur. She was lethargic and drowsy. She did not respond much when I called her. She was just resting most of the time and she moved about the cage by dragging herself around.

Luckily I had no need to force-feed her as she was able to readily accept the medication and the special soft food that the vet prescribed. She had her first meal, since saturday, at the vet's on Monday. When we got home that, she was really drowsy and did not want to eat anything else. I tried to feed her more food, mixed with her medication, but she just squirmed and turned her head away whenever I put the syringe near her mouth. So I laid her into her cage and let her rest for the night.

I went home in the evening on Tuesday to feed her and to give her the medication. She lapped up every drop of the medication that I gave her and she finished every drop of the food tha I fed her. I was so happy. She looked like she was really going to overcome this afterall. She was eating healthily! But then she was still very weak and very small. She could hardly sit up to eat and I had to support her by holding her upright. Her bum was wet-tish but it did not look red and raw, unlike the night we visited the vet. Nevertheless, she really looked like she was improving. After feeding her, I went out for dinner.

I gave her another round of food at about 11pm on Tuesday night. Again she lapped out almost every drop of it. She was so very tired after using all her energy to eat. I took out the sand in her "toilet" and replaced it with shreds of tissue paper (to make a soft bed). Then I gently put her onto the bed to rest for the night. I placed her in the centre of the cage and put more shredded tissue all around the floor of her cage, in case she wanted to walk out of the "bed" to sleep in the corner (she usually does that). Then, I went to bed.

The next morning, I woke up at 5am to feed her before I went to school. I looked into her cage and realised that she had not moved one bit. She was still breathing though. I took her out and tipped her out of the bed. Her eyes were open but she did not seem to be looking. I tried to feed her bu putting the syringe at her mouth but she did not respond. She looked like she was in some sort of coma already. She was breathing heavily and very slowly. Almost like she was gasping for air. Apart from the up and down heaving of her little body as she breathed, she really look like she was already gone.

Mimi suddenly twitched. I think she choked on her breathe or something. I realised that she was dying. I began to weep. I kept calling her name as I cradled her in my hands. I could not stop crying. Her breathing became more and more shallow and each interval became longer and longer. I tried to blow on her face to give her more oxygen or more air. It took me awhile to realise that it was not within my power to save her anymore. I had to let go. I watched her tiny little body gasping for air and I cried. I kept telling her that I love her and that I will never forget her. I said I was sorry I could not do anything to help her feel better. I felt so powerless, so helpless as I held my poor mimi in my hands. Every breath she took required herculen effort. I told her to take her time. I said I knew she was in pain and she was suffering and I understood that she was frightened. I kept assuring her that things will be ok and that I loved her so much.

Then her breathing stopped. I waited for the next gasp of air but it never came. My tears kept flowing as I said goodbye. I held her close to me. I stroked her fur as I repeated her name. Mimi was gone.

It took me some time to compose myself and I thought hard about what to do with her. I did not have the luxury of time to bury her that morning. I wrapped her up with layers to tissue paper and then finally with a small pink towel. Then I put her in a ziploc bag and left her on the top of my books on the shelf. Then I went to work.

After work, darling and I brought Mimi to the hilltop of the nature park. We walked into the patch of grass behind the bushes in the carpark and he helped me to dig a hole in the ground. We dug a deep deep hole so that stray cats or dogs would not dig her up. Then I took her out of the ziploc bag and laid her, wrapped in the tissue and pink towel, into the hole. I also put in a tiny container of hamster food and a note that said "For my dearest Mimi, with love" next to her. I covered her with soil and then we found a piece of flat stone to place on top of the grave. Then he found a 4-petaled colourful flower made of cloth and we placed that on the stone slab.

I did not cry during the burial process. But when I finally stood up after it was completed, my tears started to well up when I looked at the little grave. It's so hard to say the final goodbye. It felt almost cruel to have to leave her all alone in the forest. I knew I would never see her again and I was beginning to miss her so much already. I tried to control my emotions. But when we got into the car, I let the tears flow out as he hugged me and he let me grieve for my poor mimi.

*sigh*

Bye bye....mimi-girl......

I wish I had 48 hours a day or something. I just did a rough calculation of the amount of time I have left to complete some stuff and I think I am left with little choice but to let work interfere with this weekend now.

Hamsters are beginning to stink. Even after I clean up the cages, she will deliberately pee in the corner (and not in the toilet!) I must buy a new cage soon.

I was watching Wenwen just awhile ago. She was sleeping so soundly and she looked so cute with all four legs in the air, and she was curled into a little ball. Then the most disgusting thing happened. She curled up and reached down to her arse, picked out the piece of shit that was just emerging from there and it disappeared into her mouth as she chewed away! All these with her eyes closed! And it happened THREE times!

I don't think they have taste buds.

I feel so stressed up at work. There are a million things to do because of my new position. And there are a million and one things to do to prepare my Sec 4 classes for their O levels. On top of that, I have students to counsel and to talk to, spend time with.

I just walked a girl home today. She was depressed and had cut herself many times with a penknife. She had ever told me that she wanted to die. We talked and talked and....I'm too tired to type out what we talked about. I promised that she could call me anytime to talk and that I would help her look for professional help. My heart really goes out to her.

I feel so drained of energy. I long for some time to do my own things. To spend time with him - quality time. I feel like lately I have been so physically exhausted that I end up sleepy or falling asleep at his place. We used to just lie in bed and chat and I miss that. I am trying not to bring work home, not to even talk about work after work hours, but sometimes I just need to air it out. It's only week 2 and I am burning out. The 3 ulcers in my mouth are healing, but are still there. Can I survive this year?

I just need a hug. That's all.

How am I supposed to know that it must be cold before you whip it?!

I am frustrated and disappointed. My first attempt at making a tiramisu has failed, not because I did not follow the recipe but because there is this teeny weeny bit of detail that was left out of the recipe instructions.

Pissed off. Now the prepared stuff are in the fridge and I am waiting for the big packet of cream to defrost in the fridge (it was in the freezer just now) before I can try again. In other words, I'll have to wait till tomorrow night or something. I can't be bothered to wait till 2am to make this tiramisu. Idiot.

Blah blah blah blah blah!!!!!