control

I need to take control of my life. Take full control. As Dr Tay puts it, I must not wait till I'm 50 years old for my life to begin. I have to start being assertive at work. Tell those people to STOP LOADING ME WITH THEIR SHIT.

I only have 24 hours a day. How many of those hours are for me?

I only have 7 days a week. How many of those days are for me?

I devote so much of my time to my work. My weekends are not spared. It just doesn't make any sense.

The chat with Stella today was somehow good. I was able to pour out my deep unhappiness at work to her and she could understand what I was going through. Talking it out helps to reaffirm to me that I must get out of this rat hole before its too late. I will come back one day.... but for now, I need to leave for awhile.....

I wonder what tranquilizers do for me.... I took one last night and I overslept this morning. Luckily I was able to be at work on time... the tranquilizers are to help me feel abit detached so I can sleep better.... honestly, I don't feel detached at all....

I must stop sacrificing my personal life for work. I've had to learn from one of the hardest lessons and I really must learn from it. I must learn to put myself as a priority when it comes to life or work issues.

I went for a jog this evening. I ran all the way to Jurong Kechil and made a U-turn at the shell station there. It felt good to just run and run.... clear my head.... I pushed myself and at some points, I was literally doing war cries inside in order to keep going at that pace. I discovered a good technique to keep the pace.... by counting. I just counted 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8, 2 2 3 4 5 6 7 8, 3 2 3 4 5 6 8 and so on.... This helped me to pace the run and when I reached home, I had cleared quite a significant number of steps.


Currently, I'm listening to these songs repeatedly on iTunes :
4 in the morning - Gwen Stefanie
Apologise - Timbaand
Once - Air Supply
Goodbye - Air supply
I will follow you into the dark - Death Cab Cutie


Don't ask why.... I like the tunes, that's all.

still

Funny how the name of this blog seems to prophesize my life.... who knows what lies ahead?












I still cry
I still think
I still miss












why did you have to do that?

it's been a long time

I wake up everyday telling myself that I have to live with the consequences of the decisions I have made. What are the consequences? I don't even know them yet but the fact that I haven't quite been feeling good at all is probably a telling sign that the road ahead will not be an easy one. I won't give up so easily though..... I just know we need time....

I am sleepy but I can't seem to sleep well.

My right eye's vision took a sudden turn after shower just now. There was a sharp pain and I had to endure it for awhile. Not my vision is slightly blurred. I just extracted 2 long eyelashes from my right eye. They must have gotten into the eye during the shower. A thick layer of mucus had already formed around both eyelashes. Feels good to have them removed but I am left wondering if there are any more left inside my eye. My right vision is now slightly blurred and the eye feels very dry. Have I scratched my cornea again?


I miss you... I'm sorry I have put us through all this....