Email : "This college has a very good character development programme. It would be good to send our students"
Response 1 : "I've already spoken to H about it. She's looking into it"
Response 2 : "L, H and I have spoken about this. H will pick the student leaders to take part."
Ahem.
Title of camp? Read carefully : Character Development
Sorry if I griping about work too much right now but I'm up to my neck in all this shit.
ARGH!!
Ok. From today onwards, I shall endeavour to prove to myself that I have a life and that I still love teaching and want it to be a part of my life.
A teacher's life should be about teaching. Teaching cannot be viewed as a career. Not as a job. Teaching is for life. I believe in that. Once a teacher.. always a teacher. It's like being a doctor... when an accident happens right before you and first aid is required, you can't pull away and say that you're off duty because you're having dinner with your family, can you?
I feel like I'm the most misunderstood person in the whole world right now.
Saturday, April 28, 2007
Why am I where I am?
Do I have the strength to stand up against the bitching from below up? Am I able to withstand the workload coming from top down?
It's so hard to be in the middle.
Today, someone messaged J and told her quite alot of things. They were about the structured remediation schedules that J, D and MC proposed to the staff yesterday. It was a plan that I fully supported and feel quite strong and positive about.
I think I was a tad defensive about the entire thing. I feel I only spoke in that insistent tone because of the tone in which the queries (or rather, objections) were raised. That, I am very sure. I know I would not speak in that manner if it was some other person who raised the same points. I was somehow fired up by this person's inate negativities and tone of voice and I reacted (rather impulsively) with a pretty forceful tone of voice.
So it had now become an issue. This person claims that no one else dared to speak up because of how I said what I said. I feel so wronged. My intention to tell them that other schools were having remedials till 6pm and their teachers only leave the school at 9pm was to alert them to how other schools were preparing their graduating students. To tell them that if we wanted out students to do well, we have to have some form of plan to help them revise their work. My intention was not to make our school teachers work till 9pm everyday. My intention was not to make lives difficult for our teachers.
The personal attack came in a pretty hurtful manner. Apparently, others see me as someone who does not have a life (because I work late everyday) and does not respect other's needs to have their own lives.
"Also, if she wants to work herself to the point of burnt out, please respect others and leave us out of her way of life. We all get our jobs done. Don't micro manage the teachers like we can't even plan our times to see our students." <--- this teacher was the one who claimed she could not find time to see her students for remedials at all because her students always had remedials for other subjects. It was because of her statement that J thought of the structured remediation schedule for a fairer distribution of remedial slots for subjects.
"If she has no life outside work respect mine. Most importantly, respect the kids time with their families." <--- most of the students have working parents who aren't home till 6 or later everyday. So what is this "time with families"? Parents would actually be glad that we're keeping their kids meaningfully engaged in the noons. At least they won't have to worry if their child is out at some mall window shopping of simply hanging out and wasting time in the face of the major exams this year. This person does not know me well enough to know that I have no life. This person has no right to put her own yardstick against my life to measure and conclude that I have no life. If she wants to do this, then I can also place my own yardstick of what a teacher should be like against how she is like as a teacher. When will this end?
"Leave me out of politics, fancy titles, insecurities and big egos." <--- obviously, our friend means all this to be targetted at me. Insecurities and big egos. I do have a rather fancy title, don't I? Leave her out of the politics? How to leave her out when she wants so badly to be heard?
To begin with, why is it even politics? I don't get it... we are TEACHERS. Like it or not, this job WILL be demanding of your personal time and space. Want a 9-5 job so you can "have a life" after work? Go corporate. Like it or not, being a teacher in itself is supposed to be an altruistic job. It's a selfless job because you cannot afford to be selfish of your knowledge or your love and care towards the students you teach. We are teachers because we WANT to teach our students. We WANT to give them the best of what we can. It's for the STUDENTS.
So if we are all in teaching for a common cause.... why are there conflicts? If we all want to do things for our students and we all spoke in that same language... why would there be politics?
I'm sleepy. Will try to record more things here when I am more awake.
I cried today because I felt so misunderstood. It's just tough being where I am.
It's so hard to be in the middle.
Today, someone messaged J and told her quite alot of things. They were about the structured remediation schedules that J, D and MC proposed to the staff yesterday. It was a plan that I fully supported and feel quite strong and positive about.
I think I was a tad defensive about the entire thing. I feel I only spoke in that insistent tone because of the tone in which the queries (or rather, objections) were raised. That, I am very sure. I know I would not speak in that manner if it was some other person who raised the same points. I was somehow fired up by this person's inate negativities and tone of voice and I reacted (rather impulsively) with a pretty forceful tone of voice.
So it had now become an issue. This person claims that no one else dared to speak up because of how I said what I said. I feel so wronged. My intention to tell them that other schools were having remedials till 6pm and their teachers only leave the school at 9pm was to alert them to how other schools were preparing their graduating students. To tell them that if we wanted out students to do well, we have to have some form of plan to help them revise their work. My intention was not to make our school teachers work till 9pm everyday. My intention was not to make lives difficult for our teachers.
The personal attack came in a pretty hurtful manner. Apparently, others see me as someone who does not have a life (because I work late everyday) and does not respect other's needs to have their own lives.
"Also, if she wants to work herself to the point of burnt out, please respect others and leave us out of her way of life. We all get our jobs done. Don't micro manage the teachers like we can't even plan our times to see our students." <--- this teacher was the one who claimed she could not find time to see her students for remedials at all because her students always had remedials for other subjects. It was because of her statement that J thought of the structured remediation schedule for a fairer distribution of remedial slots for subjects.
"If she has no life outside work respect mine. Most importantly, respect the kids time with their families." <--- most of the students have working parents who aren't home till 6 or later everyday. So what is this "time with families"? Parents would actually be glad that we're keeping their kids meaningfully engaged in the noons. At least they won't have to worry if their child is out at some mall window shopping of simply hanging out and wasting time in the face of the major exams this year. This person does not know me well enough to know that I have no life. This person has no right to put her own yardstick against my life to measure and conclude that I have no life. If she wants to do this, then I can also place my own yardstick of what a teacher should be like against how she is like as a teacher. When will this end?
"Leave me out of politics, fancy titles, insecurities and big egos." <--- obviously, our friend means all this to be targetted at me. Insecurities and big egos. I do have a rather fancy title, don't I? Leave her out of the politics? How to leave her out when she wants so badly to be heard?
To begin with, why is it even politics? I don't get it... we are TEACHERS. Like it or not, this job WILL be demanding of your personal time and space. Want a 9-5 job so you can "have a life" after work? Go corporate. Like it or not, being a teacher in itself is supposed to be an altruistic job. It's a selfless job because you cannot afford to be selfish of your knowledge or your love and care towards the students you teach. We are teachers because we WANT to teach our students. We WANT to give them the best of what we can. It's for the STUDENTS.
So if we are all in teaching for a common cause.... why are there conflicts? If we all want to do things for our students and we all spoke in that same language... why would there be politics?
I'm sleepy. Will try to record more things here when I am more awake.
I cried today because I felt so misunderstood. It's just tough being where I am.
Sunday, April 22, 2007
Fine
I forgot to file my income tax!!! F***!!!!!
I was SO DAMN CAUGHT UP WITH WORK that it completely slipped my mind.. Just tried surfing the not-so-helpful webpage and found out that there will be a fine that I will have to pay once I receive this Letter of Composition (I hate compositions, especially marking them). And yes, you guessed it right. There don't state how much the fine will be. I'm SUPER PISSED. Freaking system.
Fug lah. I have never forgotten to file my income tax. In fact, I've always been the early bird. The dutiful citizen. But this year has been really bad for me at work. So busy. It's an honest mistake. Not that I am trying to run away from paying the bloody tax. I really forgot! But yeah....who's going to take pity on me huh... adults pay FINES for being forgetful. Fug!
The very thought that I'm already paying more than $200 A MONTH for taxes (multiply that by 12 months a year... see how *@&#^ much I pay?!?) plus thsi fine that I have to pay now (whatever the *&^ amount its going to be) really pisses me off. I'm just a mere civil servant! I'm paid peanuts for a job that is so-called, by the garment, a very important job of building the nation's future! Peanuts! And I have to pay MONKEYS evry month! More than $2K of taxes! If you look at it carefully.... it simply means that my performance bonus goes into my tax payments every year. I work SO BLARDY HARD, get recognised by getting a performance bonus... only to use it to pay for my blardy taxes.
To hell with it.
I'll NEVER forget to file the damn taxes again. The price is too high.
I was SO DAMN CAUGHT UP WITH WORK that it completely slipped my mind.. Just tried surfing the not-so-helpful webpage and found out that there will be a fine that I will have to pay once I receive this Letter of Composition (I hate compositions, especially marking them). And yes, you guessed it right. There don't state how much the fine will be. I'm SUPER PISSED. Freaking system.
Fug lah. I have never forgotten to file my income tax. In fact, I've always been the early bird. The dutiful citizen. But this year has been really bad for me at work. So busy. It's an honest mistake. Not that I am trying to run away from paying the bloody tax. I really forgot! But yeah....who's going to take pity on me huh... adults pay FINES for being forgetful. Fug!
The very thought that I'm already paying more than $200 A MONTH for taxes (multiply that by 12 months a year... see how *@&#^ much I pay?!?) plus thsi fine that I have to pay now (whatever the *&^ amount its going to be) really pisses me off. I'm just a mere civil servant! I'm paid peanuts for a job that is so-called, by the garment, a very important job of building the nation's future! Peanuts! And I have to pay MONKEYS evry month! More than $2K of taxes! If you look at it carefully.... it simply means that my performance bonus goes into my tax payments every year. I work SO BLARDY HARD, get recognised by getting a performance bonus... only to use it to pay for my blardy taxes.
To hell with it.
I'll NEVER forget to file the damn taxes again. The price is too high.
Friday, April 20, 2007
Reflections
I raised my arm in hope for him to see me standing by the sidewalk. I knew my chances were not high as he was on the second lane. To my surprise (and relief, after standing there in vain for over 10 minutes), he made a left filter and came to a stop short distance further down the road.
I ran up quickly and got into the cab, announced my destination, sat back and heaved a relieved sigh.
I noticed a soft whirring sound from behind me. I turned around and saw that there was a little air purifier placed on the dashbboard at the back of the passenger's seat. It was empty. The whirring sound was loud enough to be heard, though soft enough not to annoy. I thought to myself, "can he hear it? Why doesn't he pull out the plug to stop it from churning or simply fill some water in?" Maybe he's just the relief driver for this cab. The owner should be the one filling in the water in that purifier.
As we drove along the road, I noticed that he seemed to be driving rather impatiently. He would have his foot ready on the accelerator at the traffic light and his eyes would be fixed on the blinking green man, anticipating him to stop blinking, signalling that he could charge ahead. As I took out my wallet to prepare the fare, I peered over the front passenger seat to check on the current fare on the meter.
He had forgotten to turn it on.
I indicated it to him immediately. There was a suppressed sigh of self-annoyance and then a pregnant pause. I expected him to turn the meter on immediately but he did not do so. Not knowing waht to say, I sat back on the seat and looked out the window.
I noticed that he was fidgetting. He seemed uncertain of what to do. I suppose he had a few options on his mind. He could quickly turn the meter on and charge me the remaining fare, leave it off and charge me a token fare, or leave it off and give me a free ride. I was sure he was annoyed at himself for being forgetful. His hesitance in the appropriate action to take made me wonder if he was new on the job. After all, no experienced cabby would drive an empty cab on the second lane.
I was also pretty sure that he was wondering what sort of passenger I was. Would I expect a free ride? Would I argue tooth and nail on the fare to be paid? Was I going to bring up the obvious - that it was HIS mistake for having forgotten to turn the meter on? How would we agree on the fare? What sort of person was I? If he was new on the job, I suppose he would be rather nervous as to the ways to handle The Difficult Passenger.
When we arrived at my destination, I took out a $5 note.
"Uncle, can I pay you $5?"
*takes the $5 note from me*
"No need lah" he smiles (and looks relieved)
"It's ok you know, I'm not sure how much the fare should actually be. Would $5 be enough?"
*he hands me a $1 coin in return*
"It's ok. No need lah.."
"Thank you very much, Uncle"
I got off the cab feeling happy. I'm sure he left feeling happy too.
The world will be a better place if we are treat each other in a nicest way possible.
******************************************
"You, even you, can light up a small light in a dark room"
******************************************
Speaking of cabbies, I took a cab to West Mall sometime last week (or was it this?). It was the peak hour, which means that I had to pay a $2.00 surcharge. A normal cab-fare to West Mall would cost me around $2.60. As it was the peak hour, there were several cars on the road and the traffic lights seemed to drag on too. As we went along the way, I could sense the cabby's impatience at the traffic lights. He was cursing and complaining away at the cars who took their own sweet time to clear the traffic lights, causing inconvenience and longer waiting time for those of us at the back of the queue. I thought to myself "what a grumpy man".
When we were almost there, we still had to be in the queue to make a right turn to the lane at the taxi stand of west mall. He turned off the meter and said he would not charge me anymore. He said it was just too much that I had to pay more than $5 for such a short distance. I told him it was ok and that the meter shows the correct fare anyway, for the time spent on the road. When I paid him with 3 $2 notes, he insisted on returning me $1.
I thought it was such a kind gesture. The delays at the traffic lights were not his fault at all. He had no need to "compensate" the expensive fare for me. Though the discount was a mere $1, which may not seem alot to many, it has so many good intentions in it. I was touched by his sincerity.
The world is a better place when we are nice to each other. When we treat each other with respect and treat them the way we would like to be treated ourselves.
I ran up quickly and got into the cab, announced my destination, sat back and heaved a relieved sigh.
I noticed a soft whirring sound from behind me. I turned around and saw that there was a little air purifier placed on the dashbboard at the back of the passenger's seat. It was empty. The whirring sound was loud enough to be heard, though soft enough not to annoy. I thought to myself, "can he hear it? Why doesn't he pull out the plug to stop it from churning or simply fill some water in?" Maybe he's just the relief driver for this cab. The owner should be the one filling in the water in that purifier.
As we drove along the road, I noticed that he seemed to be driving rather impatiently. He would have his foot ready on the accelerator at the traffic light and his eyes would be fixed on the blinking green man, anticipating him to stop blinking, signalling that he could charge ahead. As I took out my wallet to prepare the fare, I peered over the front passenger seat to check on the current fare on the meter.
He had forgotten to turn it on.
I indicated it to him immediately. There was a suppressed sigh of self-annoyance and then a pregnant pause. I expected him to turn the meter on immediately but he did not do so. Not knowing waht to say, I sat back on the seat and looked out the window.
I noticed that he was fidgetting. He seemed uncertain of what to do. I suppose he had a few options on his mind. He could quickly turn the meter on and charge me the remaining fare, leave it off and charge me a token fare, or leave it off and give me a free ride. I was sure he was annoyed at himself for being forgetful. His hesitance in the appropriate action to take made me wonder if he was new on the job. After all, no experienced cabby would drive an empty cab on the second lane.
I was also pretty sure that he was wondering what sort of passenger I was. Would I expect a free ride? Would I argue tooth and nail on the fare to be paid? Was I going to bring up the obvious - that it was HIS mistake for having forgotten to turn the meter on? How would we agree on the fare? What sort of person was I? If he was new on the job, I suppose he would be rather nervous as to the ways to handle The Difficult Passenger.
When we arrived at my destination, I took out a $5 note.
"Uncle, can I pay you $5?"
*takes the $5 note from me*
"No need lah" he smiles (and looks relieved)
"It's ok you know, I'm not sure how much the fare should actually be. Would $5 be enough?"
*he hands me a $1 coin in return*
"It's ok. No need lah.."
"Thank you very much, Uncle"
I got off the cab feeling happy. I'm sure he left feeling happy too.
The world will be a better place if we are treat each other in a nicest way possible.
******************************************
"You, even you, can light up a small light in a dark room"
******************************************
Speaking of cabbies, I took a cab to West Mall sometime last week (or was it this?). It was the peak hour, which means that I had to pay a $2.00 surcharge. A normal cab-fare to West Mall would cost me around $2.60. As it was the peak hour, there were several cars on the road and the traffic lights seemed to drag on too. As we went along the way, I could sense the cabby's impatience at the traffic lights. He was cursing and complaining away at the cars who took their own sweet time to clear the traffic lights, causing inconvenience and longer waiting time for those of us at the back of the queue. I thought to myself "what a grumpy man".
When we were almost there, we still had to be in the queue to make a right turn to the lane at the taxi stand of west mall. He turned off the meter and said he would not charge me anymore. He said it was just too much that I had to pay more than $5 for such a short distance. I told him it was ok and that the meter shows the correct fare anyway, for the time spent on the road. When I paid him with 3 $2 notes, he insisted on returning me $1.
I thought it was such a kind gesture. The delays at the traffic lights were not his fault at all. He had no need to "compensate" the expensive fare for me. Though the discount was a mere $1, which may not seem alot to many, it has so many good intentions in it. I was touched by his sincerity.
The world is a better place when we are nice to each other. When we treat each other with respect and treat them the way we would like to be treated ourselves.
Wednesday, April 11, 2007
SYF 2007
Today's SMC meeting was at this NTU Alumni clubhouse place.. after lunch, we had our meeting at the karaoke room (Long sofas so everyone could rest their butts). It was pretty claustrophobic because everyone was seated butt-to-butt. Eventually, we were ushered to sit at the open Karaoke area because they had not opened for business yet and we had the entire place to ourselves.
The meeting ended at around 6:30pm. By then, I was already frantically on the phone with A as she was in school with the band. The band is very stressed up about the competition tomorrow. I am stressed too. So worried for them. I know they will do well but the current statistics of the awards given out so far are not too promising. Rumour has it that they've raised the standards this year and more than 50% of the bands who've had the judging so far actually got a bronze. Even top bands last year. Its very stressful information to digest.
Not to mention, the kids were not exactly concentrating during their only precious hour this noon (from 5pm to 6pm) and KC had to blast at them for not being focussed. I spoke to D later in the evening and she told me that almost everyone cried (the girls, that is) after they were dismissed this evening. Everyone was so stressed. They all want to do well but the pressure is just too great. B was unhappy that he was singled out for a scolding by KC as he had not been playing well. Heard from D that he was angry too. The leaders stayed back in the band room with the Sec 5s and they had a talk about it all. B was angry and upset that the band now felt it was all his fault for the sudden cancellation of practice. J tried to tell him that he needed to buck up as "it's SYF leh..." but I think he was probably too angry to listen.
Sigh... Poor kids. The pressure is just too much. I'll have to speak to them tomorrow after flag-raising... before they get out of class to go prepare for the competition. Need to encourage them and boost their morale a little. Now's the time to try to manage how they feel. The anxiety and emotions are on a high in every aspect. I can almost choke!
This band has come so so far.... when I listen to them, when I compare how they were previously to how they are now, I must say that they have been improving. Secretly, I had hoped that they would bring home a Gold award this time round. They deserve it. They're improved since the last competition. And if we got a Silver the last time, it should be natural to look towards the Gold isn't it? But judging from the statistics of the results from the past three days of competition so far.... SIGH... we'll really have alot of damage control and managing of expectations and emotions to do.
I can feel my heart in my throat. When I listen to their music, I am almost moved to tears (I fight them back). When I think about all that we've gone through together, all the effort they've put in, the practices they've had, the scoldings, the encouragement they've given to each other, the laughter shared, the sectionals where they really practice hard, over and over again... I just feel so moved. So much so that I can almost cry. My heart swells with pride when I listen to them. I am so proud of the band members. So very proud.
Tomorrow, they will be on stage as we recieve our results. We're the last band to go for tomorrow. I pray that they judges will not be too tired. I pray that our music will make them sit up straight and listen to us more attentively because we're making a difference. I pray that my students will give their best and really enjoy the performance on stage. May tomorrow's performance, albeit the short 10 minutes that they have, be the absolute BEST of all the times they've played those 2 pieces back to back.
SYF 2007, here we come!
The meeting ended at around 6:30pm. By then, I was already frantically on the phone with A as she was in school with the band. The band is very stressed up about the competition tomorrow. I am stressed too. So worried for them. I know they will do well but the current statistics of the awards given out so far are not too promising. Rumour has it that they've raised the standards this year and more than 50% of the bands who've had the judging so far actually got a bronze. Even top bands last year. Its very stressful information to digest.
Not to mention, the kids were not exactly concentrating during their only precious hour this noon (from 5pm to 6pm) and KC had to blast at them for not being focussed. I spoke to D later in the evening and she told me that almost everyone cried (the girls, that is) after they were dismissed this evening. Everyone was so stressed. They all want to do well but the pressure is just too great. B was unhappy that he was singled out for a scolding by KC as he had not been playing well. Heard from D that he was angry too. The leaders stayed back in the band room with the Sec 5s and they had a talk about it all. B was angry and upset that the band now felt it was all his fault for the sudden cancellation of practice. J tried to tell him that he needed to buck up as "it's SYF leh..." but I think he was probably too angry to listen.
Sigh... Poor kids. The pressure is just too much. I'll have to speak to them tomorrow after flag-raising... before they get out of class to go prepare for the competition. Need to encourage them and boost their morale a little. Now's the time to try to manage how they feel. The anxiety and emotions are on a high in every aspect. I can almost choke!
This band has come so so far.... when I listen to them, when I compare how they were previously to how they are now, I must say that they have been improving. Secretly, I had hoped that they would bring home a Gold award this time round. They deserve it. They're improved since the last competition. And if we got a Silver the last time, it should be natural to look towards the Gold isn't it? But judging from the statistics of the results from the past three days of competition so far.... SIGH... we'll really have alot of damage control and managing of expectations and emotions to do.
I can feel my heart in my throat. When I listen to their music, I am almost moved to tears (I fight them back). When I think about all that we've gone through together, all the effort they've put in, the practices they've had, the scoldings, the encouragement they've given to each other, the laughter shared, the sectionals where they really practice hard, over and over again... I just feel so moved. So much so that I can almost cry. My heart swells with pride when I listen to them. I am so proud of the band members. So very proud.
Tomorrow, they will be on stage as we recieve our results. We're the last band to go for tomorrow. I pray that they judges will not be too tired. I pray that our music will make them sit up straight and listen to us more attentively because we're making a difference. I pray that my students will give their best and really enjoy the performance on stage. May tomorrow's performance, albeit the short 10 minutes that they have, be the absolute BEST of all the times they've played those 2 pieces back to back.
SYF 2007, here we come!
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