I changed my M1 plan to the OK21 flex plan. Just got the bill for this month. The last was about $120...this one's about $60 only!! I know it's because I used the phone less this month, but I sure hope part of the reason of this sudden dip in bill is because of the change in plan....
Food Voucher : February
We tried Mexican food tonight. "Cha Cha Cha" at Holland Village. Not too bad...I like the salsa dip with the tortilla chips and the chicken soup was VERY good (tasted a little like Kambeng soup...hmm) Then we adjourned next door for a slice of NYDC cheesecake and the iced chocolate elephancino. Feels great to pig out....
We're going on the Cambridge Diet next month, once we get our dough!
Monday, February 24, 2003
Saturday, February 22, 2003
Radiah
She fell down the stairs just now. I called an ambulance for her while her boyfriend carried her upstairs to his home. He told me her name was Radiah. When the paramedics arrived, her boyfriend left to get her wallet from her home. I helped the paramedics carry her out to the stretcher on the 6th floor. She held my hand, asked for my name and thanked me. She wanted me to give my address to her boyfriend but he was nowhere to be found, so I left after sending her to the ambulance in the carpark. It was strange that no one followed her to the hospital. Not even her boyfriend. He was nowhere to be found.
Anyway, I hope she will be ok....I don't even know her.
She fell down the stairs just now. I called an ambulance for her while her boyfriend carried her upstairs to his home. He told me her name was Radiah. When the paramedics arrived, her boyfriend left to get her wallet from her home. I helped the paramedics carry her out to the stretcher on the 6th floor. She held my hand, asked for my name and thanked me. She wanted me to give my address to her boyfriend but he was nowhere to be found, so I left after sending her to the ambulance in the carpark. It was strange that no one followed her to the hospital. Not even her boyfriend. He was nowhere to be found.
Anyway, I hope she will be ok....I don't even know her.
Thursday, February 20, 2003
I was listening to some oldies at work this evening. I had the cds with me and there were only 3 other people in the office, so I blasted the songs as loud as I wanted to. Somehow, "Vincent" made me feel sad...kind of nostalgic and sad.
It's a bad day today. I was so sleepy. I stretched and took a deep breathe during recess and developed an immediate headache straight after that. It didn't help when some students pissed me off...
It's a bad day today. I was so sleepy. I stretched and took a deep breathe during recess and developed an immediate headache straight after that. It didn't help when some students pissed me off...
Tuesday, February 18, 2003
,Being Broke
I can't wait for April to come. April will be the month where I will be TOTALLY debt-free for the first time in the past 6 years. I will be clearing off the last bit of my cashline debts in March. I can't wait for that to be over. It feels great to not have to owe anyone any money anymore.
The one thing that my parents did not teach me as I was growing up was the skill in managing my own finances. I suppose it was my own fault for not telling them that I was sharing my money and credit lines with my then-boyfriend. Anyhow, it's a painful but definitely good lesson learnt from this experience.
I am not comfortable spending money that I did not earn for myself. I wonder how my brother can just ask my mum for financial help as and when he runs dry for the month. There were times I was super broke for the month but I never let my parents know about it. I lived on my $1-coin savings for that month, skipped breakfast and lunch, had dinner at home, no movie, no shopping, no cabs, no luxuries. I could never bring myself to open my mouth to ask for money.
Mum asked me that day if I wanted to learn driving. I said I would later on and that I am not learning now for 2 reasons. I had no time (which in fact, I can simply squeeze it out if I wanted to) and I had no money. She offered to pay for me. I said no. She can afford to pay for me and I can always pay her back later, but still I said no.
I no longer believe in using credit advance, even if it's from a interest-free source. I'm a working adult now. If I want to learn driving, I will pay for it myself. If I want to take my masters, I will save up money and pay for it myself.
I will start my savings in April. I will try my very best to put aside as much of my money as I possibly can. I have been working for 6 years or so and I have no savings. It's terribly embarrassing. But my concious is clear and I know what I'm doing.
I never want to be broke again.
By the way, I only have $69.48 left in the bank to last me till 12 March.
I can't wait for April to come. April will be the month where I will be TOTALLY debt-free for the first time in the past 6 years. I will be clearing off the last bit of my cashline debts in March. I can't wait for that to be over. It feels great to not have to owe anyone any money anymore.
The one thing that my parents did not teach me as I was growing up was the skill in managing my own finances. I suppose it was my own fault for not telling them that I was sharing my money and credit lines with my then-boyfriend. Anyhow, it's a painful but definitely good lesson learnt from this experience.
I am not comfortable spending money that I did not earn for myself. I wonder how my brother can just ask my mum for financial help as and when he runs dry for the month. There were times I was super broke for the month but I never let my parents know about it. I lived on my $1-coin savings for that month, skipped breakfast and lunch, had dinner at home, no movie, no shopping, no cabs, no luxuries. I could never bring myself to open my mouth to ask for money.
Mum asked me that day if I wanted to learn driving. I said I would later on and that I am not learning now for 2 reasons. I had no time (which in fact, I can simply squeeze it out if I wanted to) and I had no money. She offered to pay for me. I said no. She can afford to pay for me and I can always pay her back later, but still I said no.
I no longer believe in using credit advance, even if it's from a interest-free source. I'm a working adult now. If I want to learn driving, I will pay for it myself. If I want to take my masters, I will save up money and pay for it myself.
I will start my savings in April. I will try my very best to put aside as much of my money as I possibly can. I have been working for 6 years or so and I have no savings. It's terribly embarrassing. But my concious is clear and I know what I'm doing.
I never want to be broke again.
By the way, I only have $69.48 left in the bank to last me till 12 March.
Saturday, February 15, 2003
Zulfauzi passed away on Wednesday night, 12 February, at about 2am. Ian called me sometime in the evening at to inform me that he was not doing so well and that he was going over to Zul's place to see him. I got into my pair of jeans, grabbed my wallet and took a cab to Woodlands straightaway too.
Zul has DMD. Just like Ming Keong and Vignesh. He was one of our regular participants at the outdoor camps and has always been cheerful and positive about life.
I was not prepared for what I saw when I entered his bedroom that night. I suppose, in my mind, I had an image of him lying on the bed speaking softly to his family members and looking pale and weak. I painted a movie-like picture-perfect for myself, I guess. He was, in fact, lying on his bed. However, he was having a lot of difficulty breathing. He was gasping for air and he looked just like a fish that's taken out of the water. His eyes kept rolling back everytime he took a heave of breath and he alternated between taking in those very violent breathes and a series of short gasps with long time lapses in between.
I went up to him and took his hand. I said "Hey Zul...." and I didn't know what else to say to him. I just kept holding on to his hand and rubbing his arm. He felt very cold to touch. A couple of times he actually squeezed my hand, but I am not sure if it was him trying to communicate or was it a natural reaction to his bodies' violent gasps for air.
His relatives were all there. His parents were by his side and they were holding his hands, touching his face and whispering chants from the Quran to him. Occasionally he would make little noises as if struggling for something.
I left at about 12:15am. I had to work the next day and there was nothing else I could do for Zul. I held his hand again and said a silent goodbye in my heart.
Ian, who stayed longer at Zul's house with John and Raymond, messaged me later that night and told me that Dr. Yee examined Zul. He said that Zul's heart was failing and that once it stops, Zul will leave.
The next morning, on my way to work, Ian called to inform me that Zul passed away at 2am. I did not react violently. I was prepared but I was very sad that day.
It was about 5 or 6 years ago when I first met Zul. Then, he was already confined to a wheelchair but he was positive and would not hesitate to speak into the microphone to introduce himself or his teammates to the rest of the campers. He was always cheerful and smiling.
2 days before Zul passed away, he told his mother that he saw Vignesh. On Wednesday morning itself, he told his mother that he saw his grandparents. Then in the afternoon, he told his mother that he did not want to go to the hospital and that he wanted to be at home. Some time later in the noon, he began to experience those breathing difficulties. I suppose, by some divine message, he knew that his time was up.
I realised that many of the DMD children whom I know are approaching their twenties. This will also mean that I will have to say bye to them one by one eventually, maybe soon. Although we all know what will happen at the end of the road for them, it still is difficult. How do we prepare ourselves to say bye to our friends?
Rest in peace, Zul, my friend.
Zul has DMD. Just like Ming Keong and Vignesh. He was one of our regular participants at the outdoor camps and has always been cheerful and positive about life.
I was not prepared for what I saw when I entered his bedroom that night. I suppose, in my mind, I had an image of him lying on the bed speaking softly to his family members and looking pale and weak. I painted a movie-like picture-perfect for myself, I guess. He was, in fact, lying on his bed. However, he was having a lot of difficulty breathing. He was gasping for air and he looked just like a fish that's taken out of the water. His eyes kept rolling back everytime he took a heave of breath and he alternated between taking in those very violent breathes and a series of short gasps with long time lapses in between.
I went up to him and took his hand. I said "Hey Zul...." and I didn't know what else to say to him. I just kept holding on to his hand and rubbing his arm. He felt very cold to touch. A couple of times he actually squeezed my hand, but I am not sure if it was him trying to communicate or was it a natural reaction to his bodies' violent gasps for air.
His relatives were all there. His parents were by his side and they were holding his hands, touching his face and whispering chants from the Quran to him. Occasionally he would make little noises as if struggling for something.
I left at about 12:15am. I had to work the next day and there was nothing else I could do for Zul. I held his hand again and said a silent goodbye in my heart.
Ian, who stayed longer at Zul's house with John and Raymond, messaged me later that night and told me that Dr. Yee examined Zul. He said that Zul's heart was failing and that once it stops, Zul will leave.
The next morning, on my way to work, Ian called to inform me that Zul passed away at 2am. I did not react violently. I was prepared but I was very sad that day.
It was about 5 or 6 years ago when I first met Zul. Then, he was already confined to a wheelchair but he was positive and would not hesitate to speak into the microphone to introduce himself or his teammates to the rest of the campers. He was always cheerful and smiling.
2 days before Zul passed away, he told his mother that he saw Vignesh. On Wednesday morning itself, he told his mother that he saw his grandparents. Then in the afternoon, he told his mother that he did not want to go to the hospital and that he wanted to be at home. Some time later in the noon, he began to experience those breathing difficulties. I suppose, by some divine message, he knew that his time was up.
I realised that many of the DMD children whom I know are approaching their twenties. This will also mean that I will have to say bye to them one by one eventually, maybe soon. Although we all know what will happen at the end of the road for them, it still is difficult. How do we prepare ourselves to say bye to our friends?
Rest in peace, Zul, my friend.
Wednesday, February 12, 2003
By the way, I have managed to clear all my marking over the weekend and I have been able to keep up with the pace set by the other more-experienced maths teachers teaching the sec 3 express. (They mark their assignments on the day of collection itself and are able to return the assignments to the students the next day. No kidding. They are THAT efficient.)
I am trying to keep up to the pace, not because i'm "kiasu" or what, but I really think that these teachers are efficient workers. It's the ultimate efficiency that a Maths teacher can be, and I'm working on it. (Hey, I was ever nicknamed "Efficiency Yan" by J when we were in Sec School. I wasn't given that nickname 'fer nuthin'!! Hmpf!)
I feel like I'm in control. And when I'm in control, I am calm and not afraid of school. Depression comes in less easily. Whoopee...
I am trying to keep up to the pace, not because i'm "kiasu" or what, but I really think that these teachers are efficient workers. It's the ultimate efficiency that a Maths teacher can be, and I'm working on it. (Hey, I was ever nicknamed "Efficiency Yan" by J when we were in Sec School. I wasn't given that nickname 'fer nuthin'!! Hmpf!)
I feel like I'm in control. And when I'm in control, I am calm and not afraid of school. Depression comes in less easily. Whoopee...
Had steamboat get-together at Merlin's just now. Quite fun. We played silly games (yes, initiated by yours truly, the crazy one, again...) and laughed so much. But still, I thought they were mild in their reactions and participation to the games. I think everyone is just too concious about how others see them. Basically, I don't care. I mean, I just let go and have fun. Laugh loudly and violently, make silly jokes and do silly things to make others laugh. Hey man, life is about enjoying it. If you spend half the time thinking about the kind of image you're portraying to others when you're enjoying yourself, then exactly when are you really enjoying yourself?
Just do it, lah!
Just do it, lah!
Friday, February 07, 2003
Ok. The entire drama-mama saga is over. In fact, everything seemed to be back to normal on Sunday evening itself! I don't know what to make of it. Is it because we are avoiding the issue, or is this normal for families - to be able to just forget-it-and-move-on? Anyway, I will try not to be bothered by it anymore.
The memory of that berserk moment still sends shivers down my spine.
Well, it's back to school, back to life, back to reality. I was really dreading school on Monday night. The "Tuesday blues" set in big time and I was so depressed. Plus the fact that I was psychologically disturbed by the drama-mama saga. So we went out for a beer at boat quay. Sat at Harry's and saw our friend playing the piano for the NUS jazz ensemble there. I felt better after that glass of wine and the lazy chat we had.
The hustle and bustle of school and the speed at which time flies did not give me any chance to sit and be blue about things. I couldn't pause to feel bored or upset. Just had to move with the flow. After half a day, the bluesy feeling was gone and my engined was turned on for school. So busy!!
The memory of that berserk moment still sends shivers down my spine.
Well, it's back to school, back to life, back to reality. I was really dreading school on Monday night. The "Tuesday blues" set in big time and I was so depressed. Plus the fact that I was psychologically disturbed by the drama-mama saga. So we went out for a beer at boat quay. Sat at Harry's and saw our friend playing the piano for the NUS jazz ensemble there. I felt better after that glass of wine and the lazy chat we had.
The hustle and bustle of school and the speed at which time flies did not give me any chance to sit and be blue about things. I couldn't pause to feel bored or upset. Just had to move with the flow. After half a day, the bluesy feeling was gone and my engined was turned on for school. So busy!!
Sunday, February 02, 2003
I am tired of all these. I think I will do exactly what I told him I will do. I will not care anymore about the whole issue. If she wants to help him all the way and give him all the money, she can go ahead. It's her money after all, so why should I care? I was only trying to protect her interests. If he continues to leech on her like this, this will go on forever. He will never learn to be responsible. I know that I have become his no. 1 enemy but I don't care. Honestly, I am not after the money at all. I don't even care for it. But she just does not see it that way. Maybe it's the way I have been talking to her about it. She seems to think that I am concerned about the money. I am only concerned about the kind of person that he is becoming by his behaviour and actions. The way he is leading his life now will be the way he leads his life for the rest of it. As his family, if we do not do anything, then who will help him? Must we wait till he spends every single cent before he learns? Must we wait till he gets involved in an accident before he regrets and learns? In trying to take all these preventive measures, the whole family has been subjected to all this stress.
She really blew her top just now. She went berserk. The last time I saw her like this was when she quarreled with father. And that was more than 10 years ago. I should not have said anything just now. I should have kept my bloody mouth shut. I did not know that she was getting more and more agitated as I spoke about him. She just threw the bowl she was holding and screamed at him. He was sleeping and she screamed right to his room. It was scary. Yes it really was. I was stunned and I was trembling. I tried to calm her down. She could have fainted. Then she started crying and saying that she would divide all the money up for us and give it all to us tomorrow so that she could be free of all this stress. I tried to tell her it was not about money but she refused to listen.
I don't know what to do anymore. Should I give up? I don't think that she will listen to me and understand that I am NOT upset because of the money. She just does not SEE it that I am only trying to protect her. If she continues to protect and give him money in advance, she will only spoil him further and he will never ever learn in life that money does not fall from the sky for him. He seriously thinks that the money is his to spend at his own free will. He is an adult now and he is working. How can he continue taking money from his mother for his expenditures? He would tell her that he is getting some cash from whatever sales he has made in a couple of days' time, but he needs that amount of money now so he wants to borrow from her. But he will not remember to return the money until she has to ask. Is that responsible behaviour?
I am so tired. So tired of all these. All of a sudden I feel that I should leave this place and go live on my own. Or just get married real soon and get out of this house. Then I don't need to see all these things happening. She won't have me nagging at her anymore. Maybe I am over-worrying about all these. Is what he is doing really that bad? Is it wrong for her to help him? She is his mother. Not me. Why should I try to tell her what she should or should not do? She can do whatever she wants for him.
I am just afraid that he will leave her penniless one day. She does not understand that it could be true.
I am very tired. I don't want to care anymore. I have already tried to close both eyes to all these. I think I will close my eyes for good. I will be blind to whatever he is doing to his life and to her life. I do not want to risk another outburst from her. If she had a weak heart, she might had easily had a heart attack just now, or a stroke. I don't want to provoke that. I will just keep my mouth shut from now. If he has to learn whatever lesson the hard way, so be it. It's probably meant to be the hard way in the first place, so there's nothing I can do to prevent it.
So be it.
She really blew her top just now. She went berserk. The last time I saw her like this was when she quarreled with father. And that was more than 10 years ago. I should not have said anything just now. I should have kept my bloody mouth shut. I did not know that she was getting more and more agitated as I spoke about him. She just threw the bowl she was holding and screamed at him. He was sleeping and she screamed right to his room. It was scary. Yes it really was. I was stunned and I was trembling. I tried to calm her down. She could have fainted. Then she started crying and saying that she would divide all the money up for us and give it all to us tomorrow so that she could be free of all this stress. I tried to tell her it was not about money but she refused to listen.
I don't know what to do anymore. Should I give up? I don't think that she will listen to me and understand that I am NOT upset because of the money. She just does not SEE it that I am only trying to protect her. If she continues to protect and give him money in advance, she will only spoil him further and he will never ever learn in life that money does not fall from the sky for him. He seriously thinks that the money is his to spend at his own free will. He is an adult now and he is working. How can he continue taking money from his mother for his expenditures? He would tell her that he is getting some cash from whatever sales he has made in a couple of days' time, but he needs that amount of money now so he wants to borrow from her. But he will not remember to return the money until she has to ask. Is that responsible behaviour?
I am so tired. So tired of all these. All of a sudden I feel that I should leave this place and go live on my own. Or just get married real soon and get out of this house. Then I don't need to see all these things happening. She won't have me nagging at her anymore. Maybe I am over-worrying about all these. Is what he is doing really that bad? Is it wrong for her to help him? She is his mother. Not me. Why should I try to tell her what she should or should not do? She can do whatever she wants for him.
I am just afraid that he will leave her penniless one day. She does not understand that it could be true.
I am very tired. I don't want to care anymore. I have already tried to close both eyes to all these. I think I will close my eyes for good. I will be blind to whatever he is doing to his life and to her life. I do not want to risk another outburst from her. If she had a weak heart, she might had easily had a heart attack just now, or a stroke. I don't want to provoke that. I will just keep my mouth shut from now. If he has to learn whatever lesson the hard way, so be it. It's probably meant to be the hard way in the first place, so there's nothing I can do to prevent it.
So be it.
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