,Being Broke

I can't wait for April to come. April will be the month where I will be TOTALLY debt-free for the first time in the past 6 years. I will be clearing off the last bit of my cashline debts in March. I can't wait for that to be over. It feels great to not have to owe anyone any money anymore.

The one thing that my parents did not teach me as I was growing up was the skill in managing my own finances. I suppose it was my own fault for not telling them that I was sharing my money and credit lines with my then-boyfriend. Anyhow, it's a painful but definitely good lesson learnt from this experience.

I am not comfortable spending money that I did not earn for myself. I wonder how my brother can just ask my mum for financial help as and when he runs dry for the month. There were times I was super broke for the month but I never let my parents know about it. I lived on my $1-coin savings for that month, skipped breakfast and lunch, had dinner at home, no movie, no shopping, no cabs, no luxuries. I could never bring myself to open my mouth to ask for money.

Mum asked me that day if I wanted to learn driving. I said I would later on and that I am not learning now for 2 reasons. I had no time (which in fact, I can simply squeeze it out if I wanted to) and I had no money. She offered to pay for me. I said no. She can afford to pay for me and I can always pay her back later, but still I said no.

I no longer believe in using credit advance, even if it's from a interest-free source. I'm a working adult now. If I want to learn driving, I will pay for it myself. If I want to take my masters, I will save up money and pay for it myself.

I will start my savings in April. I will try my very best to put aside as much of my money as I possibly can. I have been working for 6 years or so and I have no savings. It's terribly embarrassing. But my concious is clear and I know what I'm doing.

I never want to be broke again.

By the way, I only have $69.48 left in the bank to last me till 12 March.