The challenges grow as each day goes by. I wonder when will I completely be free from all of them. Will I ever, EVER emerge from all these and say "Yes, I've conquered, the worst is over and I am going to be ok from now"?
I thought that it would help by writing down the list of things I need to do into my notebook and then ticking them off one by one as I went about doing them. It's not really working. Today, I stared at the list and went "so what?". I still went ahead to do those things but I felt like I had no soul.
I feel so bad for bothering my friends yet again with my cries for help. And I saw that true friendship means we all huddle together and be there for each other through the storms we are each facing on our own. We don't ask for each other to cast aside our problems and "hey focus on mine please".. instead we just lend support and stick together. I guess this is what sticking together through thick and thin means.
I am, in particular, rather disappointed with a particular friend whom I thought cared about me and who promised to be there if needed. Why is it that when I was in a time of need, this friend doesnt seem to be one I would text? Strangely enough, I only started feeling this way towards this friend just a couple of days ago. The sudden disappearing act seems to be happening again. I did not feel that it was right to air my problems to this friend because the previous texts that I had sent had not been responded to yet. Made me feel like.. hey I don't wanna disturb you so.. I don't wish to text my problems out and not receive any response at all.
It seems history is repeating itself again. How come?! What the fuck did I do? Did I misinterprete the word "friendship"? Am I expecting too much? Did my friend get tired of hearing my problems and decide to just let me be?
I guess I should not bother too much either. I have other really good friends who are more reliable pillars of support in my times of need. Why should I allow this to affect me so and be an added source of stress?
I guess it is because I valued the friendship. And I am beginning to feel that perhaps, we had different values in this friendship.
On a side note. It is SO tough to look for a job. I am now inclined to look for an overseas job. But I think its just a starting point. Many factors to look into. The pay isnt exactly rosy so I got to decide if I want to live with it and accept low pay and HIGH experiences, or should I just stop entertaining this idea. Then the next thing is the uprooting part. Which I guess I can manage. I am not sure.
I am not sure of so many things. Too many.
The last thing I needed was to be unsure of the friendship that I have with you. I just cannot, for the life of me, understand.
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
Sunday, April 24, 2011
wasted
Oh fuck it. Wasted Sunday. Lost my mood to do anything and then I'm sitting here feeling frustrated at the fact that I lost my mood. Fuck lei. Vicious cycle. Please go away!!!
Friday, March 25, 2011
Catching up
I met Pong for dinner and also to collect the products I was getting from him on behalf of my SIL. We went to Thai Express at Plaza Sing, had dinner and chat all the way. It was good.
We talked alot about teaching, life, work, problems and stresses we were facing. He is my friend from MLS 2008 - the HOD course I attended at NIE in 2008 from Jan-Jun. Funny how we only attended a few lessons together but we somehow got to know each other and realised that we share the same passion for diving too. He is the only person from the MLS course that I am still in contact with. Amazing huh? I am not even in contact with any of those HODs I went on the learning trip to China with.
He told me about his dive trip to Tioman over the last weekend. It sure sounds fun! He also said he was sure that I would get along with those people there cos they were "my type". I also learnt from him that there ARE people who go alone for dive trips and get to know people along the way. The Dive Master would pair the "singles" with a similar-level buddy so if I were to go alone for such trips I wouldn't have to worry at all about not having a buddy and all that.
All the talk about the possibilites really made me very excited (once again) about diving! I will really REALLY get down to it this year. I must. I need to justify the fact that I go around telling the whole wide world that I like diving.
We sat down at about 715pm and chat all the way till 10pm. Then he had to go pick up his wife and 2 boys.
I thought to myself tonight while I was on the way home... I think I need to open other social circles with people more my age (who share similar interests, of course). This applies only to men, I realise (sorry younger guy friends who stumble on my blog). Except for some of my younger guy friends, the conversations I have with those guys who are more mature are more intellectually stimulating. They are also better able to relate to the issues I face - because of maturity perhaps? Or similar experiences? Whichever way, I felt the intellectual exchange tonight...
Thank you for your friendship.
We talked alot about teaching, life, work, problems and stresses we were facing. He is my friend from MLS 2008 - the HOD course I attended at NIE in 2008 from Jan-Jun. Funny how we only attended a few lessons together but we somehow got to know each other and realised that we share the same passion for diving too. He is the only person from the MLS course that I am still in contact with. Amazing huh? I am not even in contact with any of those HODs I went on the learning trip to China with.
He told me about his dive trip to Tioman over the last weekend. It sure sounds fun! He also said he was sure that I would get along with those people there cos they were "my type". I also learnt from him that there ARE people who go alone for dive trips and get to know people along the way. The Dive Master would pair the "singles" with a similar-level buddy so if I were to go alone for such trips I wouldn't have to worry at all about not having a buddy and all that.
All the talk about the possibilites really made me very excited (once again) about diving! I will really REALLY get down to it this year. I must. I need to justify the fact that I go around telling the whole wide world that I like diving.
We sat down at about 715pm and chat all the way till 10pm. Then he had to go pick up his wife and 2 boys.
I thought to myself tonight while I was on the way home... I think I need to open other social circles with people more my age (who share similar interests, of course). This applies only to men, I realise (sorry younger guy friends who stumble on my blog). Except for some of my younger guy friends, the conversations I have with those guys who are more mature are more intellectually stimulating. They are also better able to relate to the issues I face - because of maturity perhaps? Or similar experiences? Whichever way, I felt the intellectual exchange tonight...
Thank you for your friendship.
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Will I?
“My grief lies all within, And these external manners of lament are merely shadows to the unseen grief that swells with silence in the tortured soul."
~ William Shakespeare
I looked at the "Notes" you wrote in your FB wall. I approach them with apprehension and difficulty. I still do not dare to open some of them, though in actual fact, I have read them all before in the past. Perhaps it's because you are so alive in those notes. Perhaps its so very you that makes me feel so sad because all I have are the images of you in my mind when I want so much to put my arms around you.
I started surfing for quotes about death and grief. I am beyond words myself to express how I feel. I wanted to look for a quote that speaks of how it is like for me, to express the pain for me.
And I found this.
I think about you every single day. Even before you left, you were in my mind all the time too. Though I must admit, sometimes I had pushed you to the back of my mind because I was too guilty to face you...
Grief... will I ever heal from it?
~ William Shakespeare
I looked at the "Notes" you wrote in your FB wall. I approach them with apprehension and difficulty. I still do not dare to open some of them, though in actual fact, I have read them all before in the past. Perhaps it's because you are so alive in those notes. Perhaps its so very you that makes me feel so sad because all I have are the images of you in my mind when I want so much to put my arms around you.
I started surfing for quotes about death and grief. I am beyond words myself to express how I feel. I wanted to look for a quote that speaks of how it is like for me, to express the pain for me.
And I found this.
I think about you every single day. Even before you left, you were in my mind all the time too. Though I must admit, sometimes I had pushed you to the back of my mind because I was too guilty to face you...
Grief... will I ever heal from it?
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Monday, March 21, 2011
Who would you call?
I visited Karen's mum today in the noon. Karen's mum has cancer and she is undergoing chemotherapy at the moment. She told me she feels the pain and it can be so bad that her legs can go numb. I cannot imagine what it is like at all, really. She is also losing her hair.. I felt sad to see her suffer. And all I can do is visit and chat with her.
After I left, I walked over to Serangoon Gardens Circus and walked around abit at the new Village mall and went up to the rooftop garden just to check out the view. Not much of a view given that it is only 3 storeys high.
I took a trip down memory lane and went to Happy Daze sidewalk cafe. Somewhere back in 2001 (I think), Jason and I went to Ian's house for an HFC camp meeting. We all adjourned to Happy Daze for a drink and to continue the discussion. At that time, the rest did now know that we were seeing each other and we were trying to keep it under wraps. He ordered a "spider" - which was actually just a coke float and while having it, he fed me some of the ice cream and it drew queer looks from Ian.. both of us were exchanging looks at each other and smiling away... it was such a happy feeling - of being in love, having this huge secret that you can't tell others yet, sharing something in common and very special between yourselves...as I type this, I can almost feel that same feeling.. :)
That's one of my memories of Jason... one of our first few "dates" together... quite abit of it has been documented in the earlier years of my blog and I am SO glad that he encouraged me to have this blog.. because now, I have those memories of him and my life all kept here.
I finished reading "An Hour to Live, An Hour to Love" on the bus-ride home. Sam lent me this book quite some time ago and I had left it on the shelf till now. He lent it to me early last year. It is funny how the books speaks to me in such an apt way now because it is about cherishing the people you love before they die.
"If you had an hour to live, who would you call, what would you say, why are you waiting?"
When I finished reading the book, I felt sad. I know that if I had an hour to live, I would wanna call Jason. To tell him I was sorry and to explain what happened back in 2008. I would tell him how I felt and try to sort it out with him. I would wanna make peace and then see if we could take it from there... but before I could do that, he left. So if I was given an hour to live now... I am no longer so sure about who I would call. Only one phonecall... and it would have been to him...
But then again, why should it be just one phonecall? If I had an hour to live, I have a whole list of people I would want to call. I would call those friends I love dearly, I would call my mum, I would call my brother, I would call my sister, I would call the person/people I like(d) to tell him the truth... I would call the people who matter to me.
What would I say to them? If I only had that one hour to call so many people... I will just say one thing... that I love them.
After I left, I walked over to Serangoon Gardens Circus and walked around abit at the new Village mall and went up to the rooftop garden just to check out the view. Not much of a view given that it is only 3 storeys high.
I took a trip down memory lane and went to Happy Daze sidewalk cafe. Somewhere back in 2001 (I think), Jason and I went to Ian's house for an HFC camp meeting. We all adjourned to Happy Daze for a drink and to continue the discussion. At that time, the rest did now know that we were seeing each other and we were trying to keep it under wraps. He ordered a "spider" - which was actually just a coke float and while having it, he fed me some of the ice cream and it drew queer looks from Ian.. both of us were exchanging looks at each other and smiling away... it was such a happy feeling - of being in love, having this huge secret that you can't tell others yet, sharing something in common and very special between yourselves...as I type this, I can almost feel that same feeling.. :)
That's one of my memories of Jason... one of our first few "dates" together... quite abit of it has been documented in the earlier years of my blog and I am SO glad that he encouraged me to have this blog.. because now, I have those memories of him and my life all kept here.
I finished reading "An Hour to Live, An Hour to Love" on the bus-ride home. Sam lent me this book quite some time ago and I had left it on the shelf till now. He lent it to me early last year. It is funny how the books speaks to me in such an apt way now because it is about cherishing the people you love before they die.
"If you had an hour to live, who would you call, what would you say, why are you waiting?"
When I finished reading the book, I felt sad. I know that if I had an hour to live, I would wanna call Jason. To tell him I was sorry and to explain what happened back in 2008. I would tell him how I felt and try to sort it out with him. I would wanna make peace and then see if we could take it from there... but before I could do that, he left. So if I was given an hour to live now... I am no longer so sure about who I would call. Only one phonecall... and it would have been to him...
But then again, why should it be just one phonecall? If I had an hour to live, I have a whole list of people I would want to call. I would call those friends I love dearly, I would call my mum, I would call my brother, I would call my sister, I would call the person/people I like(d) to tell him the truth... I would call the people who matter to me.
What would I say to them? If I only had that one hour to call so many people... I will just say one thing... that I love them.
Saturday, March 19, 2011
I'm still here
I decided to blog again. Decided that I want to record my life in here. I want to use this as an outlet to release my thoughts and feelings into cyberspace because it is in cyberspace that we will live forever...
Jason was the one who introduced me to blogging. I started this blog in 2001. That's exactly 10 years ago. He had kept a blog too, then. Breaded was his blogname. I have many links in my old blogs made to his blog. He has removed his blog. Either that, or he has changed its name and I do not know how to find it now. This is something I have to let go of, I suppose. sigh...
So much has happened in the past few years since my last entry in 2008. I don't even know where to begin catching up on things. I think I will not try to put everything in chronological order from there.. too much.
I feel like I am scrambling to capture every bit of memory of you because I do not want to forget. You are gone but you are very much alive in my heart and I don't want to forget the things we did together, the places we've seen, the life we shared...
This blog was titled "My Old Life" because I stopped blogging in 2008. But now, I have decided to add "what lies ahead for now" because... I honestly do not know where I am headed. We shall see. What goes on from here, what lies ahead for now...
Blogger, I'm back.
Jason was the one who introduced me to blogging. I started this blog in 2001. That's exactly 10 years ago. He had kept a blog too, then. Breaded was his blogname. I have many links in my old blogs made to his blog. He has removed his blog. Either that, or he has changed its name and I do not know how to find it now. This is something I have to let go of, I suppose. sigh...
So much has happened in the past few years since my last entry in 2008. I don't even know where to begin catching up on things. I think I will not try to put everything in chronological order from there.. too much.
I feel like I am scrambling to capture every bit of memory of you because I do not want to forget. You are gone but you are very much alive in my heart and I don't want to forget the things we did together, the places we've seen, the life we shared...
This blog was titled "My Old Life" because I stopped blogging in 2008. But now, I have decided to add "what lies ahead for now" because... I honestly do not know where I am headed. We shall see. What goes on from here, what lies ahead for now...
Blogger, I'm back.
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
control
I need to take control of my life. Take full control. As Dr Tay puts it, I must not wait till I'm 50 years old for my life to begin. I have to start being assertive at work. Tell those people to STOP LOADING ME WITH THEIR SHIT.
I only have 24 hours a day. How many of those hours are for me?
I only have 7 days a week. How many of those days are for me?
I devote so much of my time to my work. My weekends are not spared. It just doesn't make any sense.
The chat with Stella today was somehow good. I was able to pour out my deep unhappiness at work to her and she could understand what I was going through. Talking it out helps to reaffirm to me that I must get out of this rat hole before its too late. I will come back one day.... but for now, I need to leave for awhile.....
I wonder what tranquilizers do for me.... I took one last night and I overslept this morning. Luckily I was able to be at work on time... the tranquilizers are to help me feel abit detached so I can sleep better.... honestly, I don't feel detached at all....
I must stop sacrificing my personal life for work. I've had to learn from one of the hardest lessons and I really must learn from it. I must learn to put myself as a priority when it comes to life or work issues.
I went for a jog this evening. I ran all the way to Jurong Kechil and made a U-turn at the shell station there. It felt good to just run and run.... clear my head.... I pushed myself and at some points, I was literally doing war cries inside in order to keep going at that pace. I discovered a good technique to keep the pace.... by counting. I just counted 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8, 2 2 3 4 5 6 7 8, 3 2 3 4 5 6 8 and so on.... This helped me to pace the run and when I reached home, I had cleared quite a significant number of steps.
Currently, I'm listening to these songs repeatedly on iTunes :
4 in the morning - Gwen Stefanie
Apologise - Timbaand
Once - Air Supply
Goodbye - Air supply
I will follow you into the dark - Death Cab Cutie
Don't ask why.... I like the tunes, that's all.
I only have 24 hours a day. How many of those hours are for me?
I only have 7 days a week. How many of those days are for me?
I devote so much of my time to my work. My weekends are not spared. It just doesn't make any sense.
The chat with Stella today was somehow good. I was able to pour out my deep unhappiness at work to her and she could understand what I was going through. Talking it out helps to reaffirm to me that I must get out of this rat hole before its too late. I will come back one day.... but for now, I need to leave for awhile.....
I wonder what tranquilizers do for me.... I took one last night and I overslept this morning. Luckily I was able to be at work on time... the tranquilizers are to help me feel abit detached so I can sleep better.... honestly, I don't feel detached at all....
I must stop sacrificing my personal life for work. I've had to learn from one of the hardest lessons and I really must learn from it. I must learn to put myself as a priority when it comes to life or work issues.
I went for a jog this evening. I ran all the way to Jurong Kechil and made a U-turn at the shell station there. It felt good to just run and run.... clear my head.... I pushed myself and at some points, I was literally doing war cries inside in order to keep going at that pace. I discovered a good technique to keep the pace.... by counting. I just counted 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8, 2 2 3 4 5 6 7 8, 3 2 3 4 5 6 8 and so on.... This helped me to pace the run and when I reached home, I had cleared quite a significant number of steps.
Currently, I'm listening to these songs repeatedly on iTunes :
4 in the morning - Gwen Stefanie
Apologise - Timbaand
Once - Air Supply
Goodbye - Air supply
I will follow you into the dark - Death Cab Cutie
Don't ask why.... I like the tunes, that's all.
Monday, July 21, 2008
still
Funny how the name of this blog seems to prophesize my life.... who knows what lies ahead?
I still cry
I still think
I still miss
why did you have to do that?
I still cry
I still think
I still miss
why did you have to do that?
Tuesday, June 03, 2008
it's been a long time
I wake up everyday telling myself that I have to live with the consequences of the decisions I have made. What are the consequences? I don't even know them yet but the fact that I haven't quite been feeling good at all is probably a telling sign that the road ahead will not be an easy one. I won't give up so easily though..... I just know we need time....
I am sleepy but I can't seem to sleep well.
My right eye's vision took a sudden turn after shower just now. There was a sharp pain and I had to endure it for awhile. Not my vision is slightly blurred. I just extracted 2 long eyelashes from my right eye. They must have gotten into the eye during the shower. A thick layer of mucus had already formed around both eyelashes. Feels good to have them removed but I am left wondering if there are any more left inside my eye. My right vision is now slightly blurred and the eye feels very dry. Have I scratched my cornea again?
I miss you... I'm sorry I have put us through all this....
I am sleepy but I can't seem to sleep well.
My right eye's vision took a sudden turn after shower just now. There was a sharp pain and I had to endure it for awhile. Not my vision is slightly blurred. I just extracted 2 long eyelashes from my right eye. They must have gotten into the eye during the shower. A thick layer of mucus had already formed around both eyelashes. Feels good to have them removed but I am left wondering if there are any more left inside my eye. My right vision is now slightly blurred and the eye feels very dry. Have I scratched my cornea again?
I miss you... I'm sorry I have put us through all this....
Friday, December 21, 2007
I miss my dad
My father was such a good father....
Nov 7 marks Pa's 10th anniversary. I miss him dearly.
On Nov 7 this year, I visited the Sri Lankan Temple at St George's Road with Lucy. Incidently, she had a buddhist event there on Nov 8 and she had to be there on the 7th to make preparations. I went to help her out.
This Sri Lankan Buddhist Temple was the temple that Pa brought us to in the past. I remember the times when we prayed together as a family at the temple for my father's heath and obtained the prayers and blessings of the monk there. The Boddhi tree, the back yard, the sleeping buddha there.... walking around in that temple on Nov 7 brought back alot of memories.
I helped to clean the hall of the sleeping buddha that day. We flushed the floor with water and scrubbed it clean with soap. I wasn't totally prepared as I wasn't properly attired for the cleaning but still, we cleaned the temple together.
Cleaning the temple brought a sense of inner peace that I cannot describe. It made me feel close to my father and at the same time, I seem to be able to put aside everything else in life and be at peace inside.
I will help Lucy again for any such future events that she has.
Monday, May 21, 2007
I miss you
Happy Us 
Cousins, extended.
Handsome you.
The State Flags
Saluting goodbyeI never thought I'd cry so much again.. but at this time of the year, I always get a little blue knowing that you left us this time 3 years ago.
Just heard this song from D's blog. She may not have mentioned why she was also a little blue over this weekend, but I know why. Here are the lyrics... listening to this song makes me cry.
You Belong To Me by Jason Wade of Lifehouse
See the pyramids along the Nile
Watch the sun rise from the tropic isle
Just remember darling all the while
You belong to me
See the market place in old Algiers
Send me photographs and souvenirs
Just remember when a dream appears
You belong to me
And I'll be so alone without you
Maybe you'll be lonesome too
Fly the ocean in a silver plane
See the jungle when it's wet with rain
Just remember till you're home again
You belong to me
Oh I'll be so alone without you
Maybe you'll be lonesome too
Fly the ocean in a silver plane
See the jungle when it's wet with rain
Just remember till you're home again
You belong to me
I visited you yesterday, you know? I have so much to tell you but it just seems so odd to stand there and talk. I hope you can hear me from wherever you are. I'm getting married next year.. and I wish you could be there... to tease me, to give me your blessings, to take photos with me... just be with me.
Somehow, the chemistry we have a cousins is just so unique... I just not as close to the others as I am to you. How I miss you so...
Till we meet again, dearest Han...
*tears*
Saturday, April 28, 2007
I need a break
Email : "This college has a very good character development programme. It would be good to send our students"
Response 1 : "I've already spoken to H about it. She's looking into it"
Response 2 : "L, H and I have spoken about this. H will pick the student leaders to take part."
Ahem.
Title of camp? Read carefully : Character Development
Sorry if I griping about work too much right now but I'm up to my neck in all this shit.
ARGH!!
Ok. From today onwards, I shall endeavour to prove to myself that I have a life and that I still love teaching and want it to be a part of my life.
A teacher's life should be about teaching. Teaching cannot be viewed as a career. Not as a job. Teaching is for life. I believe in that. Once a teacher.. always a teacher. It's like being a doctor... when an accident happens right before you and first aid is required, you can't pull away and say that you're off duty because you're having dinner with your family, can you?
I feel like I'm the most misunderstood person in the whole world right now.
Response 1 : "I've already spoken to H about it. She's looking into it"
Response 2 : "L, H and I have spoken about this. H will pick the student leaders to take part."
Ahem.
Title of camp? Read carefully : Character Development
Sorry if I griping about work too much right now but I'm up to my neck in all this shit.
ARGH!!
Ok. From today onwards, I shall endeavour to prove to myself that I have a life and that I still love teaching and want it to be a part of my life.
A teacher's life should be about teaching. Teaching cannot be viewed as a career. Not as a job. Teaching is for life. I believe in that. Once a teacher.. always a teacher. It's like being a doctor... when an accident happens right before you and first aid is required, you can't pull away and say that you're off duty because you're having dinner with your family, can you?
I feel like I'm the most misunderstood person in the whole world right now.
Why am I where I am?
Do I have the strength to stand up against the bitching from below up? Am I able to withstand the workload coming from top down?
It's so hard to be in the middle.
Today, someone messaged J and told her quite alot of things. They were about the structured remediation schedules that J, D and MC proposed to the staff yesterday. It was a plan that I fully supported and feel quite strong and positive about.
I think I was a tad defensive about the entire thing. I feel I only spoke in that insistent tone because of the tone in which the queries (or rather, objections) were raised. That, I am very sure. I know I would not speak in that manner if it was some other person who raised the same points. I was somehow fired up by this person's inate negativities and tone of voice and I reacted (rather impulsively) with a pretty forceful tone of voice.
So it had now become an issue. This person claims that no one else dared to speak up because of how I said what I said. I feel so wronged. My intention to tell them that other schools were having remedials till 6pm and their teachers only leave the school at 9pm was to alert them to how other schools were preparing their graduating students. To tell them that if we wanted out students to do well, we have to have some form of plan to help them revise their work. My intention was not to make our school teachers work till 9pm everyday. My intention was not to make lives difficult for our teachers.
The personal attack came in a pretty hurtful manner. Apparently, others see me as someone who does not have a life (because I work late everyday) and does not respect other's needs to have their own lives.
"Also, if she wants to work herself to the point of burnt out, please respect others and leave us out of her way of life. We all get our jobs done. Don't micro manage the teachers like we can't even plan our times to see our students." <--- this teacher was the one who claimed she could not find time to see her students for remedials at all because her students always had remedials for other subjects. It was because of her statement that J thought of the structured remediation schedule for a fairer distribution of remedial slots for subjects.
"If she has no life outside work respect mine. Most importantly, respect the kids time with their families." <--- most of the students have working parents who aren't home till 6 or later everyday. So what is this "time with families"? Parents would actually be glad that we're keeping their kids meaningfully engaged in the noons. At least they won't have to worry if their child is out at some mall window shopping of simply hanging out and wasting time in the face of the major exams this year. This person does not know me well enough to know that I have no life. This person has no right to put her own yardstick against my life to measure and conclude that I have no life. If she wants to do this, then I can also place my own yardstick of what a teacher should be like against how she is like as a teacher. When will this end?
"Leave me out of politics, fancy titles, insecurities and big egos." <--- obviously, our friend means all this to be targetted at me. Insecurities and big egos. I do have a rather fancy title, don't I? Leave her out of the politics? How to leave her out when she wants so badly to be heard?
To begin with, why is it even politics? I don't get it... we are TEACHERS. Like it or not, this job WILL be demanding of your personal time and space. Want a 9-5 job so you can "have a life" after work? Go corporate. Like it or not, being a teacher in itself is supposed to be an altruistic job. It's a selfless job because you cannot afford to be selfish of your knowledge or your love and care towards the students you teach. We are teachers because we WANT to teach our students. We WANT to give them the best of what we can. It's for the STUDENTS.
So if we are all in teaching for a common cause.... why are there conflicts? If we all want to do things for our students and we all spoke in that same language... why would there be politics?
I'm sleepy. Will try to record more things here when I am more awake.
I cried today because I felt so misunderstood. It's just tough being where I am.
It's so hard to be in the middle.
Today, someone messaged J and told her quite alot of things. They were about the structured remediation schedules that J, D and MC proposed to the staff yesterday. It was a plan that I fully supported and feel quite strong and positive about.
I think I was a tad defensive about the entire thing. I feel I only spoke in that insistent tone because of the tone in which the queries (or rather, objections) were raised. That, I am very sure. I know I would not speak in that manner if it was some other person who raised the same points. I was somehow fired up by this person's inate negativities and tone of voice and I reacted (rather impulsively) with a pretty forceful tone of voice.
So it had now become an issue. This person claims that no one else dared to speak up because of how I said what I said. I feel so wronged. My intention to tell them that other schools were having remedials till 6pm and their teachers only leave the school at 9pm was to alert them to how other schools were preparing their graduating students. To tell them that if we wanted out students to do well, we have to have some form of plan to help them revise their work. My intention was not to make our school teachers work till 9pm everyday. My intention was not to make lives difficult for our teachers.
The personal attack came in a pretty hurtful manner. Apparently, others see me as someone who does not have a life (because I work late everyday) and does not respect other's needs to have their own lives.
"Also, if she wants to work herself to the point of burnt out, please respect others and leave us out of her way of life. We all get our jobs done. Don't micro manage the teachers like we can't even plan our times to see our students." <--- this teacher was the one who claimed she could not find time to see her students for remedials at all because her students always had remedials for other subjects. It was because of her statement that J thought of the structured remediation schedule for a fairer distribution of remedial slots for subjects.
"If she has no life outside work respect mine. Most importantly, respect the kids time with their families." <--- most of the students have working parents who aren't home till 6 or later everyday. So what is this "time with families"? Parents would actually be glad that we're keeping their kids meaningfully engaged in the noons. At least they won't have to worry if their child is out at some mall window shopping of simply hanging out and wasting time in the face of the major exams this year. This person does not know me well enough to know that I have no life. This person has no right to put her own yardstick against my life to measure and conclude that I have no life. If she wants to do this, then I can also place my own yardstick of what a teacher should be like against how she is like as a teacher. When will this end?
"Leave me out of politics, fancy titles, insecurities and big egos." <--- obviously, our friend means all this to be targetted at me. Insecurities and big egos. I do have a rather fancy title, don't I? Leave her out of the politics? How to leave her out when she wants so badly to be heard?
To begin with, why is it even politics? I don't get it... we are TEACHERS. Like it or not, this job WILL be demanding of your personal time and space. Want a 9-5 job so you can "have a life" after work? Go corporate. Like it or not, being a teacher in itself is supposed to be an altruistic job. It's a selfless job because you cannot afford to be selfish of your knowledge or your love and care towards the students you teach. We are teachers because we WANT to teach our students. We WANT to give them the best of what we can. It's for the STUDENTS.
So if we are all in teaching for a common cause.... why are there conflicts? If we all want to do things for our students and we all spoke in that same language... why would there be politics?
I'm sleepy. Will try to record more things here when I am more awake.
I cried today because I felt so misunderstood. It's just tough being where I am.
Sunday, April 22, 2007
Fine
I forgot to file my income tax!!! F***!!!!!
I was SO DAMN CAUGHT UP WITH WORK that it completely slipped my mind.. Just tried surfing the not-so-helpful webpage and found out that there will be a fine that I will have to pay once I receive this Letter of Composition (I hate compositions, especially marking them). And yes, you guessed it right. There don't state how much the fine will be. I'm SUPER PISSED. Freaking system.
Fug lah. I have never forgotten to file my income tax. In fact, I've always been the early bird. The dutiful citizen. But this year has been really bad for me at work. So busy. It's an honest mistake. Not that I am trying to run away from paying the bloody tax. I really forgot! But yeah....who's going to take pity on me huh... adults pay FINES for being forgetful. Fug!
The very thought that I'm already paying more than $200 A MONTH for taxes (multiply that by 12 months a year... see how *@&#^ much I pay?!?) plus thsi fine that I have to pay now (whatever the *&^ amount its going to be) really pisses me off. I'm just a mere civil servant! I'm paid peanuts for a job that is so-called, by the garment, a very important job of building the nation's future! Peanuts! And I have to pay MONKEYS evry month! More than $2K of taxes! If you look at it carefully.... it simply means that my performance bonus goes into my tax payments every year. I work SO BLARDY HARD, get recognised by getting a performance bonus... only to use it to pay for my blardy taxes.
To hell with it.
I'll NEVER forget to file the damn taxes again. The price is too high.
I was SO DAMN CAUGHT UP WITH WORK that it completely slipped my mind.. Just tried surfing the not-so-helpful webpage and found out that there will be a fine that I will have to pay once I receive this Letter of Composition (I hate compositions, especially marking them). And yes, you guessed it right. There don't state how much the fine will be. I'm SUPER PISSED. Freaking system.
Fug lah. I have never forgotten to file my income tax. In fact, I've always been the early bird. The dutiful citizen. But this year has been really bad for me at work. So busy. It's an honest mistake. Not that I am trying to run away from paying the bloody tax. I really forgot! But yeah....who's going to take pity on me huh... adults pay FINES for being forgetful. Fug!
The very thought that I'm already paying more than $200 A MONTH for taxes (multiply that by 12 months a year... see how *@&#^ much I pay?!?) plus thsi fine that I have to pay now (whatever the *&^ amount its going to be) really pisses me off. I'm just a mere civil servant! I'm paid peanuts for a job that is so-called, by the garment, a very important job of building the nation's future! Peanuts! And I have to pay MONKEYS evry month! More than $2K of taxes! If you look at it carefully.... it simply means that my performance bonus goes into my tax payments every year. I work SO BLARDY HARD, get recognised by getting a performance bonus... only to use it to pay for my blardy taxes.
To hell with it.
I'll NEVER forget to file the damn taxes again. The price is too high.
Friday, April 20, 2007
Reflections
I raised my arm in hope for him to see me standing by the sidewalk. I knew my chances were not high as he was on the second lane. To my surprise (and relief, after standing there in vain for over 10 minutes), he made a left filter and came to a stop short distance further down the road.
I ran up quickly and got into the cab, announced my destination, sat back and heaved a relieved sigh.
I noticed a soft whirring sound from behind me. I turned around and saw that there was a little air purifier placed on the dashbboard at the back of the passenger's seat. It was empty. The whirring sound was loud enough to be heard, though soft enough not to annoy. I thought to myself, "can he hear it? Why doesn't he pull out the plug to stop it from churning or simply fill some water in?" Maybe he's just the relief driver for this cab. The owner should be the one filling in the water in that purifier.
As we drove along the road, I noticed that he seemed to be driving rather impatiently. He would have his foot ready on the accelerator at the traffic light and his eyes would be fixed on the blinking green man, anticipating him to stop blinking, signalling that he could charge ahead. As I took out my wallet to prepare the fare, I peered over the front passenger seat to check on the current fare on the meter.
He had forgotten to turn it on.
I indicated it to him immediately. There was a suppressed sigh of self-annoyance and then a pregnant pause. I expected him to turn the meter on immediately but he did not do so. Not knowing waht to say, I sat back on the seat and looked out the window.
I noticed that he was fidgetting. He seemed uncertain of what to do. I suppose he had a few options on his mind. He could quickly turn the meter on and charge me the remaining fare, leave it off and charge me a token fare, or leave it off and give me a free ride. I was sure he was annoyed at himself for being forgetful. His hesitance in the appropriate action to take made me wonder if he was new on the job. After all, no experienced cabby would drive an empty cab on the second lane.
I was also pretty sure that he was wondering what sort of passenger I was. Would I expect a free ride? Would I argue tooth and nail on the fare to be paid? Was I going to bring up the obvious - that it was HIS mistake for having forgotten to turn the meter on? How would we agree on the fare? What sort of person was I? If he was new on the job, I suppose he would be rather nervous as to the ways to handle The Difficult Passenger.
When we arrived at my destination, I took out a $5 note.
"Uncle, can I pay you $5?"
*takes the $5 note from me*
"No need lah" he smiles (and looks relieved)
"It's ok you know, I'm not sure how much the fare should actually be. Would $5 be enough?"
*he hands me a $1 coin in return*
"It's ok. No need lah.."
"Thank you very much, Uncle"
I got off the cab feeling happy. I'm sure he left feeling happy too.
The world will be a better place if we are treat each other in a nicest way possible.
******************************************
"You, even you, can light up a small light in a dark room"
******************************************
Speaking of cabbies, I took a cab to West Mall sometime last week (or was it this?). It was the peak hour, which means that I had to pay a $2.00 surcharge. A normal cab-fare to West Mall would cost me around $2.60. As it was the peak hour, there were several cars on the road and the traffic lights seemed to drag on too. As we went along the way, I could sense the cabby's impatience at the traffic lights. He was cursing and complaining away at the cars who took their own sweet time to clear the traffic lights, causing inconvenience and longer waiting time for those of us at the back of the queue. I thought to myself "what a grumpy man".
When we were almost there, we still had to be in the queue to make a right turn to the lane at the taxi stand of west mall. He turned off the meter and said he would not charge me anymore. He said it was just too much that I had to pay more than $5 for such a short distance. I told him it was ok and that the meter shows the correct fare anyway, for the time spent on the road. When I paid him with 3 $2 notes, he insisted on returning me $1.
I thought it was such a kind gesture. The delays at the traffic lights were not his fault at all. He had no need to "compensate" the expensive fare for me. Though the discount was a mere $1, which may not seem alot to many, it has so many good intentions in it. I was touched by his sincerity.
The world is a better place when we are nice to each other. When we treat each other with respect and treat them the way we would like to be treated ourselves.
I ran up quickly and got into the cab, announced my destination, sat back and heaved a relieved sigh.
I noticed a soft whirring sound from behind me. I turned around and saw that there was a little air purifier placed on the dashbboard at the back of the passenger's seat. It was empty. The whirring sound was loud enough to be heard, though soft enough not to annoy. I thought to myself, "can he hear it? Why doesn't he pull out the plug to stop it from churning or simply fill some water in?" Maybe he's just the relief driver for this cab. The owner should be the one filling in the water in that purifier.
As we drove along the road, I noticed that he seemed to be driving rather impatiently. He would have his foot ready on the accelerator at the traffic light and his eyes would be fixed on the blinking green man, anticipating him to stop blinking, signalling that he could charge ahead. As I took out my wallet to prepare the fare, I peered over the front passenger seat to check on the current fare on the meter.
He had forgotten to turn it on.
I indicated it to him immediately. There was a suppressed sigh of self-annoyance and then a pregnant pause. I expected him to turn the meter on immediately but he did not do so. Not knowing waht to say, I sat back on the seat and looked out the window.
I noticed that he was fidgetting. He seemed uncertain of what to do. I suppose he had a few options on his mind. He could quickly turn the meter on and charge me the remaining fare, leave it off and charge me a token fare, or leave it off and give me a free ride. I was sure he was annoyed at himself for being forgetful. His hesitance in the appropriate action to take made me wonder if he was new on the job. After all, no experienced cabby would drive an empty cab on the second lane.
I was also pretty sure that he was wondering what sort of passenger I was. Would I expect a free ride? Would I argue tooth and nail on the fare to be paid? Was I going to bring up the obvious - that it was HIS mistake for having forgotten to turn the meter on? How would we agree on the fare? What sort of person was I? If he was new on the job, I suppose he would be rather nervous as to the ways to handle The Difficult Passenger.
When we arrived at my destination, I took out a $5 note.
"Uncle, can I pay you $5?"
*takes the $5 note from me*
"No need lah" he smiles (and looks relieved)
"It's ok you know, I'm not sure how much the fare should actually be. Would $5 be enough?"
*he hands me a $1 coin in return*
"It's ok. No need lah.."
"Thank you very much, Uncle"
I got off the cab feeling happy. I'm sure he left feeling happy too.
The world will be a better place if we are treat each other in a nicest way possible.
******************************************
"You, even you, can light up a small light in a dark room"
******************************************
Speaking of cabbies, I took a cab to West Mall sometime last week (or was it this?). It was the peak hour, which means that I had to pay a $2.00 surcharge. A normal cab-fare to West Mall would cost me around $2.60. As it was the peak hour, there were several cars on the road and the traffic lights seemed to drag on too. As we went along the way, I could sense the cabby's impatience at the traffic lights. He was cursing and complaining away at the cars who took their own sweet time to clear the traffic lights, causing inconvenience and longer waiting time for those of us at the back of the queue. I thought to myself "what a grumpy man".
When we were almost there, we still had to be in the queue to make a right turn to the lane at the taxi stand of west mall. He turned off the meter and said he would not charge me anymore. He said it was just too much that I had to pay more than $5 for such a short distance. I told him it was ok and that the meter shows the correct fare anyway, for the time spent on the road. When I paid him with 3 $2 notes, he insisted on returning me $1.
I thought it was such a kind gesture. The delays at the traffic lights were not his fault at all. He had no need to "compensate" the expensive fare for me. Though the discount was a mere $1, which may not seem alot to many, it has so many good intentions in it. I was touched by his sincerity.
The world is a better place when we are nice to each other. When we treat each other with respect and treat them the way we would like to be treated ourselves.
Wednesday, April 11, 2007
SYF 2007
Today's SMC meeting was at this NTU Alumni clubhouse place.. after lunch, we had our meeting at the karaoke room (Long sofas so everyone could rest their butts). It was pretty claustrophobic because everyone was seated butt-to-butt. Eventually, we were ushered to sit at the open Karaoke area because they had not opened for business yet and we had the entire place to ourselves.
The meeting ended at around 6:30pm. By then, I was already frantically on the phone with A as she was in school with the band. The band is very stressed up about the competition tomorrow. I am stressed too. So worried for them. I know they will do well but the current statistics of the awards given out so far are not too promising. Rumour has it that they've raised the standards this year and more than 50% of the bands who've had the judging so far actually got a bronze. Even top bands last year. Its very stressful information to digest.
Not to mention, the kids were not exactly concentrating during their only precious hour this noon (from 5pm to 6pm) and KC had to blast at them for not being focussed. I spoke to D later in the evening and she told me that almost everyone cried (the girls, that is) after they were dismissed this evening. Everyone was so stressed. They all want to do well but the pressure is just too great. B was unhappy that he was singled out for a scolding by KC as he had not been playing well. Heard from D that he was angry too. The leaders stayed back in the band room with the Sec 5s and they had a talk about it all. B was angry and upset that the band now felt it was all his fault for the sudden cancellation of practice. J tried to tell him that he needed to buck up as "it's SYF leh..." but I think he was probably too angry to listen.
Sigh... Poor kids. The pressure is just too much. I'll have to speak to them tomorrow after flag-raising... before they get out of class to go prepare for the competition. Need to encourage them and boost their morale a little. Now's the time to try to manage how they feel. The anxiety and emotions are on a high in every aspect. I can almost choke!
This band has come so so far.... when I listen to them, when I compare how they were previously to how they are now, I must say that they have been improving. Secretly, I had hoped that they would bring home a Gold award this time round. They deserve it. They're improved since the last competition. And if we got a Silver the last time, it should be natural to look towards the Gold isn't it? But judging from the statistics of the results from the past three days of competition so far.... SIGH... we'll really have alot of damage control and managing of expectations and emotions to do.
I can feel my heart in my throat. When I listen to their music, I am almost moved to tears (I fight them back). When I think about all that we've gone through together, all the effort they've put in, the practices they've had, the scoldings, the encouragement they've given to each other, the laughter shared, the sectionals where they really practice hard, over and over again... I just feel so moved. So much so that I can almost cry. My heart swells with pride when I listen to them. I am so proud of the band members. So very proud.
Tomorrow, they will be on stage as we recieve our results. We're the last band to go for tomorrow. I pray that they judges will not be too tired. I pray that our music will make them sit up straight and listen to us more attentively because we're making a difference. I pray that my students will give their best and really enjoy the performance on stage. May tomorrow's performance, albeit the short 10 minutes that they have, be the absolute BEST of all the times they've played those 2 pieces back to back.
SYF 2007, here we come!
The meeting ended at around 6:30pm. By then, I was already frantically on the phone with A as she was in school with the band. The band is very stressed up about the competition tomorrow. I am stressed too. So worried for them. I know they will do well but the current statistics of the awards given out so far are not too promising. Rumour has it that they've raised the standards this year and more than 50% of the bands who've had the judging so far actually got a bronze. Even top bands last year. Its very stressful information to digest.
Not to mention, the kids were not exactly concentrating during their only precious hour this noon (from 5pm to 6pm) and KC had to blast at them for not being focussed. I spoke to D later in the evening and she told me that almost everyone cried (the girls, that is) after they were dismissed this evening. Everyone was so stressed. They all want to do well but the pressure is just too great. B was unhappy that he was singled out for a scolding by KC as he had not been playing well. Heard from D that he was angry too. The leaders stayed back in the band room with the Sec 5s and they had a talk about it all. B was angry and upset that the band now felt it was all his fault for the sudden cancellation of practice. J tried to tell him that he needed to buck up as "it's SYF leh..." but I think he was probably too angry to listen.
Sigh... Poor kids. The pressure is just too much. I'll have to speak to them tomorrow after flag-raising... before they get out of class to go prepare for the competition. Need to encourage them and boost their morale a little. Now's the time to try to manage how they feel. The anxiety and emotions are on a high in every aspect. I can almost choke!
This band has come so so far.... when I listen to them, when I compare how they were previously to how they are now, I must say that they have been improving. Secretly, I had hoped that they would bring home a Gold award this time round. They deserve it. They're improved since the last competition. And if we got a Silver the last time, it should be natural to look towards the Gold isn't it? But judging from the statistics of the results from the past three days of competition so far.... SIGH... we'll really have alot of damage control and managing of expectations and emotions to do.
I can feel my heart in my throat. When I listen to their music, I am almost moved to tears (I fight them back). When I think about all that we've gone through together, all the effort they've put in, the practices they've had, the scoldings, the encouragement they've given to each other, the laughter shared, the sectionals where they really practice hard, over and over again... I just feel so moved. So much so that I can almost cry. My heart swells with pride when I listen to them. I am so proud of the band members. So very proud.
Tomorrow, they will be on stage as we recieve our results. We're the last band to go for tomorrow. I pray that they judges will not be too tired. I pray that our music will make them sit up straight and listen to us more attentively because we're making a difference. I pray that my students will give their best and really enjoy the performance on stage. May tomorrow's performance, albeit the short 10 minutes that they have, be the absolute BEST of all the times they've played those 2 pieces back to back.
SYF 2007, here we come!
Saturday, March 17, 2007
Still Stressed.... but its a tiny fraction less though..
5) See the P about workplans
7) Tag reports and files for SEM
9) Speak to students and run through all FAQs for EV interviews
13) Programmes to run in April.
14) MARKING (marks to be keyed in on MONDAY)
15) Set EL Exam Paper 2 (DIE)
16) Set Maths Exam Paper 1 (DIE HARDER)
17) ETC ETC ETC!!!!!
All of the above... (except no. 13) in the next 2 weeks...
After-concert thoughts... negative ones.
Fug. I left one of my favourite CDs at NAFA LFT last night. It was with the technicians in the control room. Passed it to them to play as house music before the concert began. I don't think they'll return it to me. And I don't think I'll go all the way down just to collect it. I'll just have to hunt for it and buy it again.
Good thing I've already saved the songs in my iTunes.
Concert was good. Not quite in the mood to talk about the success of it and etc though. Am actually quite upset at the loss of our refreshments. They were either misplaced... or STOLEN.
Should do an AAR for the concert. But not sure if I'm actually taking over the job of the OC if I call for one.
It is that hard to have like-minded people in a team??? I'm not asking for everyone to think my way or do things the way I do them...I'm asking for people to THINK. To actually think ahead and try to foresee any possible problems! I'm not the IC of the whole event. I'm not. I just happened to have taken over some roles because I'm more familiar. So once again, conveniently, Ms N will do it because she knows what to do.
So 1 member of the team cannot make it for the concert. That's ok. The other member that's supposed to take over the duties should see the entire thing TILL THE END right?!? Then how can we LOSE the food?? It's such a TOTAL WASTE OF MONEY! Not to mention, having a whole bus of thirsty and hungry kids.
Ok I try to look at things on the bright side, the kids did not really complain of hunger. They were more thirsty than hungry. So I suppose in future we don't have to cater after-concert refreshments for them?
Which brings us back to the question... are the refreshments for hunger or are they part of the welfare that is provided for the students?
I pick welfare. The kids work so damn hard for the concert, they should deserve something after the concert. I had wanted to buy everyone lollipops or something but I decided against it as I would have far too many things to handle.
I don't feel that we work as a team.
Is it me? Am I too bossy? Should I be the one standing up there thanking the Alumni or should I let the OC do it? Should I have asked the others to say whatever they want to say to the band before we dismissed them? Am I too over-powering? Who should I ask for all these answers?
I strongly suspect they don't mind because the work gets done by me.
What will I be like if I'm having a baby and I have to do whatever I am doing now? One thing is for sure.... I will not use pregancy as an excuse.
Not that she has though... she has not. I have seen others who use pregnancy as an excuse not to do work. Pisses me off.
Good thing I've already saved the songs in my iTunes.
Concert was good. Not quite in the mood to talk about the success of it and etc though. Am actually quite upset at the loss of our refreshments. They were either misplaced... or STOLEN.
Should do an AAR for the concert. But not sure if I'm actually taking over the job of the OC if I call for one.
It is that hard to have like-minded people in a team??? I'm not asking for everyone to think my way or do things the way I do them...I'm asking for people to THINK. To actually think ahead and try to foresee any possible problems! I'm not the IC of the whole event. I'm not. I just happened to have taken over some roles because I'm more familiar. So once again, conveniently, Ms N will do it because she knows what to do.
So 1 member of the team cannot make it for the concert. That's ok. The other member that's supposed to take over the duties should see the entire thing TILL THE END right?!? Then how can we LOSE the food?? It's such a TOTAL WASTE OF MONEY! Not to mention, having a whole bus of thirsty and hungry kids.
Ok I try to look at things on the bright side, the kids did not really complain of hunger. They were more thirsty than hungry. So I suppose in future we don't have to cater after-concert refreshments for them?
Which brings us back to the question... are the refreshments for hunger or are they part of the welfare that is provided for the students?
I pick welfare. The kids work so damn hard for the concert, they should deserve something after the concert. I had wanted to buy everyone lollipops or something but I decided against it as I would have far too many things to handle.
I don't feel that we work as a team.
Is it me? Am I too bossy? Should I be the one standing up there thanking the Alumni or should I let the OC do it? Should I have asked the others to say whatever they want to say to the band before we dismissed them? Am I too over-powering? Who should I ask for all these answers?
I strongly suspect they don't mind because the work gets done by me.
What will I be like if I'm having a baby and I have to do whatever I am doing now? One thing is for sure.... I will not use pregancy as an excuse.
Not that she has though... she has not. I have seen others who use pregnancy as an excuse not to do work. Pisses me off.
Tuesday, March 06, 2007
STRESSED
There's too many things!!!
1) Blood Donation Drive
2) UG Camp
3) Band Camp (4D3N)
4) Band Concert
5) See the P about workplans
6) Measure the band instruments and shelving depths and update the P
7) Tag reports and files for SEM
8) Collate FAQ for students for EV interviews
9) Speak to students and run through all FAQs for EV interviews
10) Select students for EV interviews
11) Collect $14 for Band T-shirt
12) SMC meeting in March hols
13) Programmes to run in April.
14) ETC ETC ETC!!!!!
All of the above... (except no. 13) in the next 2 weeks...
1) Blood Donation Drive
2) UG Camp
3) Band Camp (4D3N)
4) Band Concert
5) See the P about workplans
6) Measure the band instruments and shelving depths and update the P
7) Tag reports and files for SEM
8) Collate FAQ for students for EV interviews
9) Speak to students and run through all FAQs for EV interviews
10) Select students for EV interviews
11) Collect $14 for Band T-shirt
12) SMC meeting in March hols
13) Programmes to run in April.
14) ETC ETC ETC!!!!!
All of the above... (except no. 13) in the next 2 weeks...
Monday, January 08, 2007
Last words
Last words of some poor soul :
"I wonder if this works..."
Anyway, I'm just testing this out... see if this works.. been unable to blog for months cos something seems to be wrong...
Here goes!
"I wonder if this works..."
Anyway, I'm just testing this out... see if this works.. been unable to blog for months cos something seems to be wrong...
Here goes!
Tuesday, December 26, 2006
Cat Rescue
When I sat down at the computers at the staffroom to do my work, I heard the distant and yet distinct meowing sounds of a kitten. I went out of the staffroom to investigate. I followed the sounds and found three little kittens in an overturned dustbin at the foot of the staircase outside the Art studio. The smell of the cat pee was distinct and the kittens were cold and hungry. I went back to the staffroom and got hold of an unwanted cardboard box and took some newspapers to line the box. Our cleaning lady also gave me some cloth bits to make a soft bed for the kittens. Then, D and I put the kittens inside the box and we went out to the market nearby to but some kitten food and some towels.
When we returned, we took the kittens out one by one and I used a wet towel to wipe them. Then, after drying them with a dry towel, we fed the little kitties and put them back into the box. We put the box back at the same spot next to the dustbin where we found them, hoping that their mother would come back for them.
Then, at about 5pm. M called me and told me to come take a look at a kitten that was outside the staffroom. I was puzzled. How could those kittens escape from the box downstairs and climb all the way up 2 flights of stairs?
When I went out to the corridor, I saw Q on a stool, bending over to peer behind those lockers that were outside our staffroom. He said, "Be mentally prepared, one of them is dead." I got up on the stool and peered over as well. I was shocked. There was a tiny grey kitten who was making all that noise. Next to her, there was a much larger cat who was obviously totally squashed between the lockers and the wall. The larger cat's eyes were open and its front legs were outstretched, but it was not moving.
"The other cat's much bigger. I think its their mother." I said.
How are we going to move those lockers? They were individual blocks of 3, but they were all sitting inside a frame on the floor. I suggested that we called SPCA as they had the professional people who probably could find a way to fish the cats out of that spot. Then, as I was calling SPCA to get help, Q, F and M managed to move the lockers! I told the lady at SPCA that I would call her back. Then I helped them to move the lockers out.
Much to our surprise, Mummy Cat MOVED!
She wasn't dead! She was just trapped. But when we moved the lockers aside, she "fell" out of that spot she was trapped in and she was kind of wobbly. The little kitten was crawling all over the place and it was meowing away very loudly. Poor Mummy Cat's face was so squashed she looked as if someone was pressing her cheeks together. It must have been painful to be squashed in that position for god-knows-how-long. Luckily they were not crushed instead.
Anyway, we quickly got hold of the extra shelves and doors of the lockers and used them to "cordon" off the area so that Mummy Cat would not be able to run away. It was then that we decided that she was definitely "an animal in distress" and we decided that SPCA should take her away.
I called SPCA again and the lady over the phone explained the policies to me. Basically, their vets would examine the animals that are brought in. Once an animal is diagnosed to be suffering from disease, illness or injury and treatment and cure would take a long time, they would probably put the animal to sleep. I said I was aware of and I understood the policy and informed them that we would like them to come down to get Mummy Cat and her kittens anyway.
We did not know what else we could do. Mummy Cat was obviously injured. Both her eyes looked glazed and there seemed to be pus in them. (Probably the result of being squashed for so long) Even if SPCA only took her away, her kittens do not look well either (3 out of 4 have eye infections too) and they were too young to be nursed other than by their mother.
Calling SPCA was the best option. Their suffering would end. SIGH.
I stayed with Mummy Cat and her kitten throughout, only leaving to pack my bags as the office was closing. (D accompanied the cats while I went to pack). When SPCA finally came, Mummy Cat seemed to have sense the presence of the "strangers" and she hissed fiercely at the guy from SPCA. He put a large brown blanket over her and managed to take the kitten away first (Kitty was put into the large animal carrier). Then he gently rubbed her and calmed her down. Eventually, he was able to catch her by the scruff of her neck and he lifted her into the animal carrier too. Then, one by one, the other 3 kittens were also put into the carrier with their mummy. United at last.
Here are some pics of Mummy Cat and the Little Grey One :
When we returned, we took the kittens out one by one and I used a wet towel to wipe them. Then, after drying them with a dry towel, we fed the little kitties and put them back into the box. We put the box back at the same spot next to the dustbin where we found them, hoping that their mother would come back for them.
Then, at about 5pm. M called me and told me to come take a look at a kitten that was outside the staffroom. I was puzzled. How could those kittens escape from the box downstairs and climb all the way up 2 flights of stairs?
When I went out to the corridor, I saw Q on a stool, bending over to peer behind those lockers that were outside our staffroom. He said, "Be mentally prepared, one of them is dead." I got up on the stool and peered over as well. I was shocked. There was a tiny grey kitten who was making all that noise. Next to her, there was a much larger cat who was obviously totally squashed between the lockers and the wall. The larger cat's eyes were open and its front legs were outstretched, but it was not moving.
"The other cat's much bigger. I think its their mother." I said.
How are we going to move those lockers? They were individual blocks of 3, but they were all sitting inside a frame on the floor. I suggested that we called SPCA as they had the professional people who probably could find a way to fish the cats out of that spot. Then, as I was calling SPCA to get help, Q, F and M managed to move the lockers! I told the lady at SPCA that I would call her back. Then I helped them to move the lockers out.
Much to our surprise, Mummy Cat MOVED!
She wasn't dead! She was just trapped. But when we moved the lockers aside, she "fell" out of that spot she was trapped in and she was kind of wobbly. The little kitten was crawling all over the place and it was meowing away very loudly. Poor Mummy Cat's face was so squashed she looked as if someone was pressing her cheeks together. It must have been painful to be squashed in that position for god-knows-how-long. Luckily they were not crushed instead.
Anyway, we quickly got hold of the extra shelves and doors of the lockers and used them to "cordon" off the area so that Mummy Cat would not be able to run away. It was then that we decided that she was definitely "an animal in distress" and we decided that SPCA should take her away.
I called SPCA again and the lady over the phone explained the policies to me. Basically, their vets would examine the animals that are brought in. Once an animal is diagnosed to be suffering from disease, illness or injury and treatment and cure would take a long time, they would probably put the animal to sleep. I said I was aware of and I understood the policy and informed them that we would like them to come down to get Mummy Cat and her kittens anyway.
We did not know what else we could do. Mummy Cat was obviously injured. Both her eyes looked glazed and there seemed to be pus in them. (Probably the result of being squashed for so long) Even if SPCA only took her away, her kittens do not look well either (3 out of 4 have eye infections too) and they were too young to be nursed other than by their mother.
Calling SPCA was the best option. Their suffering would end. SIGH.
I stayed with Mummy Cat and her kitten throughout, only leaving to pack my bags as the office was closing. (D accompanied the cats while I went to pack). When SPCA finally came, Mummy Cat seemed to have sense the presence of the "strangers" and she hissed fiercely at the guy from SPCA. He put a large brown blanket over her and managed to take the kitten away first (Kitty was put into the large animal carrier). Then he gently rubbed her and calmed her down. Eventually, he was able to catch her by the scruff of her neck and he lifted her into the animal carrier too. Then, one by one, the other 3 kittens were also put into the carrier with their mummy. United at last.
Here are some pics of Mummy Cat and the Little Grey One :
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