Ok so I'm not that angry at her joining us for the trip anymore because I have rationalized it in me and come to a conclusion that she has no power to reject it even if she does not want to come along. I am still very pissed at him because I do not know his selection criteria for such events.
By the way, I will not be going to Hongkong for the school visits. Previously, it was changed to Melbourne. Then after a few weeks, now it's San Francisco. And I believe it's confirmed becuase the tickets have been booked already. We'll be flying off on 8th November and be back on the 17th. I felt like a ball being kicked around the globe! So many changes in the location of our visit. Anyway, now it's confirmed.
Do you know that the Diners Club credit card gets you to business class airport lounges at most airports around the world for free? I am thinking of getting one. We'll have to fly for 6 hours to Japan's Niigata airport for a 1.75 stop-over, and then we'll have a 16-hour flight to the Frisco airport. Think the lounge will be good for that 1.75 hours to relax, shower, etc.
I am more positive about this trip now. Nevermind that she is joining the two of us and tagging along. I will basically handle it very professionally with her. She's no longer a friend because she basically does not treat us like one. She's the type who will make use of you when the opportunity arises or when she needs to do so. That's not what you should do to a friend. So we've decided that we will be very professional about it and well, at least on my part, it will be strictly cordial. So this is why I am able to begin to feel positive about this trip.
Besides, this is a learning journey for me and I want to learn as much as I can from this school that we're visiting. How often do we get to see other schools in other countries? I will plan the details carefully and do all these for the benefit of my own professional development.
Saturday, September 27, 2003
Monday, September 22, 2003
It was so frightening. I was watching him intently as she chided him for refusing his bottle. His face was cramped up as if he was in some sort of silent scream. My fear mounted as we watched and waited for him to let out his breathe. Those few seconds felt like minutes. Suddenly, he lurched backward and his face began to turn blue. He still had not made any noise although his mouth was wide open and his eyes were tightly shut. He looked like he was choking in his silent scream. Mother shouted at her and rushed towards her. I was so frightened that I really jumped up and the first thing I thought of was to call for a doctor. Things happened so quickly in the next few seconds. Before I knew it, he was in his father's arms and he had started letting out a long and loud scream (which was a good sign as he was finally BREATHING). Mother was still frantically trying to pat his back and was still screaming at her. She was upset too and she shouted back. With the baby crying (finally), mother almost in tears and the exchange of loud voices, the other child began to cry and I realised that in all our frenzy at the apparent life danger of the younger one, the older one witnessed a dreadful and very frightening scene. I scooped her up into my arms and took her into the room. She was crying loudly. I was trembling and was trying my best to calm her down as I struggled to calm my own frayed nerves. She sat in my arms and I rocked her through and fro, holding her close to me and I kept telling her that everything was ok and that I love her. Finally, I sat by the window and pointed out at the lights and the swimming pool below and managed to distract her. She stopped crying and I was then calm enough to sing to her. We sat by the window for quite sometime, then mother came into the room to see is she was alright.
I still feel the shivers when I recall the scene when Julian's face literally turned blue right before my eyes. I felt this sense of immense fear and hopelessness. I did not know what to do. I thought of calling for a doctor or rushing him to the nearest clinic but even that alone something told me that it would take too long. I really don't know what to do if he had not started crying at all. It was really really frightening. It's unimaginable.
After Rachel had stopped crying, I took her out to the living room. My sister had taken Julian (who had recovered) downstairs for a walk. Her in-laws came home and her mother-in-law took Rachel to bed. After some time, I decided to look for my sis downstairs. I was afraid that she too would be psychologically and emotionally affected by what had happened. She was stronger than I thought. She seemed ok when I saw her downstairs and Julian was fast asleep in her arms.
I sigh a huge sigh of relief within me. Had anything major happened just now, everyone would be devastated. I realise that the life of a young baby is so very fragile. Little accidents like that can happen anytime and help would be too far away. I asked my sister if she knew any basic first aid like CPR for babies. She said she knew. I think it is of utmost importance for any parent to have basic first aid skills. I cannot imagine myself every put in such a situation - I would be totally lost and frantic. My sister said something was very true. She said that the situation was a crucial one but the adults need to try to stay calm. If the adults are frantic and start shouting, the child would be even more frightened and that might worsen the situation.
This is one lesson that I have learnt today. Quite a few lessons in fact.
(1) Basic First Aid skills must be learnt and never be forgetten, especially when we become parents
(2) Always try to stay calm in an emergency
(3) Ensure that the child/children are taken care of too, as they are equally traumatised.
On the way home, I discussed the situation with mother and got her to understand that we must not over-react when something like that happens. I realised that she was traumatised too and I tried to calm her and to tell her that this was not the first time that Julian has "pulled such a stunt". It was the first time we were witnessing it for ourselves but I told her that my sister had handled this before and we should try to stay calm in future.
Today, I realise (or rather, I am reminded of) how much I love Julian and Rachel. And I felt the strong sense of sisterly support for my sister.
I still feel the shivers when I recall the scene when Julian's face literally turned blue right before my eyes. I felt this sense of immense fear and hopelessness. I did not know what to do. I thought of calling for a doctor or rushing him to the nearest clinic but even that alone something told me that it would take too long. I really don't know what to do if he had not started crying at all. It was really really frightening. It's unimaginable.
After Rachel had stopped crying, I took her out to the living room. My sister had taken Julian (who had recovered) downstairs for a walk. Her in-laws came home and her mother-in-law took Rachel to bed. After some time, I decided to look for my sis downstairs. I was afraid that she too would be psychologically and emotionally affected by what had happened. She was stronger than I thought. She seemed ok when I saw her downstairs and Julian was fast asleep in her arms.
I sigh a huge sigh of relief within me. Had anything major happened just now, everyone would be devastated. I realise that the life of a young baby is so very fragile. Little accidents like that can happen anytime and help would be too far away. I asked my sister if she knew any basic first aid like CPR for babies. She said she knew. I think it is of utmost importance for any parent to have basic first aid skills. I cannot imagine myself every put in such a situation - I would be totally lost and frantic. My sister said something was very true. She said that the situation was a crucial one but the adults need to try to stay calm. If the adults are frantic and start shouting, the child would be even more frightened and that might worsen the situation.
This is one lesson that I have learnt today. Quite a few lessons in fact.
(1) Basic First Aid skills must be learnt and never be forgetten, especially when we become parents
(2) Always try to stay calm in an emergency
(3) Ensure that the child/children are taken care of too, as they are equally traumatised.
On the way home, I discussed the situation with mother and got her to understand that we must not over-react when something like that happens. I realised that she was traumatised too and I tried to calm her and to tell her that this was not the first time that Julian has "pulled such a stunt". It was the first time we were witnessing it for ourselves but I told her that my sister had handled this before and we should try to stay calm in future.
Today, I realise (or rather, I am reminded of) how much I love Julian and Rachel. And I felt the strong sense of sisterly support for my sister.
Tuesday, September 16, 2003
Mum's down with stomach flu and he's also down with flu. There's a virus going around! I hope I don't fall ill too cos I just cannot afford to miss any lessons this term.
The meeting went pretty well. I'm glad I know quite a good bit about outfoor activities, campfires and stuff so I could ask appropriate and direct questions to get what I need and also so that the vendor cannot smoke me at all.
I did so much housework just now so that mum can rest without having to worry about the laundry and the kitchen being in a mess. Feel so tired now. Had wanted to type out the content discussed in the meeting just now and then email it to the rest of the comm but I think I am too tired for that.
Will be sleeping soon...sweet dream baby...
The meeting went pretty well. I'm glad I know quite a good bit about outfoor activities, campfires and stuff so I could ask appropriate and direct questions to get what I need and also so that the vendor cannot smoke me at all.
I did so much housework just now so that mum can rest without having to worry about the laundry and the kitchen being in a mess. Feel so tired now. Had wanted to type out the content discussed in the meeting just now and then email it to the rest of the comm but I think I am too tired for that.
Will be sleeping soon...sweet dream baby...
Monday, September 15, 2003
She's pregnant! And I'm not even sure how long the babies will stay in her. Been told that there could be as many as 20 babies at one go(!) What am I to do with all the babies?
Anyone keen on having hamsters as pets? They're clean, noiseless, odourless, small, space-saving, cuddly, fascinating, responsive and not to mention extremely adorable!!
Anyone keen on having hamsters as pets? They're clean, noiseless, odourless, small, space-saving, cuddly, fascinating, responsive and not to mention extremely adorable!!
Saturday, September 13, 2003
Gooooood morning!
It's a beautiful day. Life is beautiful.
Funny how sometimes I can allow myself to dwell in depression and then bring myself out of it so easily. Like I said before, it's all the mind. I can choose to be like this or like that. At times it's so hard to exercise that power of choice because sometimes we just feel so powerless.
Love is a natural emotion. When it is allowed to be expressed, and received, normally and naturally, without limitation or condition, inhibition or embarrassment, it does not require anything more. For the joy of love expressed and received in this way is sufficient unto itself. Yet love which has been conditioned, limited, warped by rules and regulations, rituals and restrictions, controlled, manitpulated, and withheld, becomes unnatural.
It's a beautiful day. Life is beautiful.
Funny how sometimes I can allow myself to dwell in depression and then bring myself out of it so easily. Like I said before, it's all the mind. I can choose to be like this or like that. At times it's so hard to exercise that power of choice because sometimes we just feel so powerless.
Love is a natural emotion. When it is allowed to be expressed, and received, normally and naturally, without limitation or condition, inhibition or embarrassment, it does not require anything more. For the joy of love expressed and received in this way is sufficient unto itself. Yet love which has been conditioned, limited, warped by rules and regulations, rituals and restrictions, controlled, manitpulated, and withheld, becomes unnatural.
Friday, September 12, 2003
I want to go out but I don't know where to go. I need to take a walk but I can't think of anywhere nearby that is peaceful and not crowded. I have too many thoughts and I don't know who to share them with.
I have let myself be so consumed by all these that I have lost myself in it. A part of me tells me that I must be strong and not to falter. It tells me to look at others and then see and realise that my problems are not really problems. I don't have to be so bothered by them. I just need to unlearn and relearn.
I feel that no amount of counselling or talking can get me out of this because I know all the "textbook answers" to my "problems". (but then again sometimes I have been given advice that helped)
I think I just need to know one thing. Just one thing. I'm too afraid to ask for it because sometimes when you ask for something and you're told the answer, you can't tell whether it is said with sincerity or said for the sake of saying and for the sake of assurance. And sometimes you don't want to ask certain questions because you're not prepared for the worst case scenario.
What shall I do with the time I have tonight? I want to get out of here, but honestly, there isn't anywhere that is barely convenient to go to. I want to be at peace, but shopping centres and the streets are not peaceful places. I could take some loud thumping music, but no one (among my friends) frequents such places so often now.
I think I will sleep.
I have let myself be so consumed by all these that I have lost myself in it. A part of me tells me that I must be strong and not to falter. It tells me to look at others and then see and realise that my problems are not really problems. I don't have to be so bothered by them. I just need to unlearn and relearn.
I feel that no amount of counselling or talking can get me out of this because I know all the "textbook answers" to my "problems". (but then again sometimes I have been given advice that helped)
I think I just need to know one thing. Just one thing. I'm too afraid to ask for it because sometimes when you ask for something and you're told the answer, you can't tell whether it is said with sincerity or said for the sake of saying and for the sake of assurance. And sometimes you don't want to ask certain questions because you're not prepared for the worst case scenario.
What shall I do with the time I have tonight? I want to get out of here, but honestly, there isn't anywhere that is barely convenient to go to. I want to be at peace, but shopping centres and the streets are not peaceful places. I could take some loud thumping music, but no one (among my friends) frequents such places so often now.
I think I will sleep.
Thursday, September 11, 2003
Wednesday, September 10, 2003
I tried to hold back my tears as she pressed and prodded my body. I am dead sure there are blue black marks on my back now. The price to pay to take away the constant back aches...so I grit my teeth and endured the pain. She twisted my neck too and there were cracking sounds coming from my neck from places where I never thought would produce such loud sounds. It felt good.
I took a walk from Beach Road to Bugis after that. I walked with a faint sense of direction and found myself along Arab street and Jalan Sultan. Came across some very old shophouses and wished I had my camera with me. I also came across the YKK Zipper wholesale store (well, it looked like the wholesale store) and I bought a large supply of blue and cream coloured hair ribbons for my band members.
It felt good to be walking with that faint sense of direction, not knowing exactly where you're headed and yet knowing that you're not completely lost. It felt good to just walk and feel the breeze in your face (admist the exhaust fumes from the buses and motocycles along the road). It was a very "touristy" feel. In fact, I was disappointed to have to enter Bugis junction and to be walking in the shopping complex, to have to be on the MRT instead of walking. But I needed to get to west mall and my back was really sore so I guess I had not much of a choice. Being in more populated places like the shopping complex, the bus and the mrt was very claustrophobic for me. I very much prefer to be walking out on the street (it mustn't be a busy one, though) feeling the sun in my face and taking in the occasion fragrance of the roti prata and curry when I walk past a coffeeshop.
I understand what I means to want some solitude space. I've been having it now and then, whenever I am alone (like for today) and I enjoy it quite abit. (That is why I like to shop alone.) To just go where I want to go and to not have to talk at all. True you can do this (walk around aimlessly and not talk) with someone next to you but it's not entirely the same. It's fun with some company when both enjoy doing the same things, but sometimes we just want to be with ourselves, by ourselves.
I realise that I have this space whenever I am on holiday and he's at work. I have the whole day to myself and I very much do whatever I want to do with it. I could stay in bed all morning, watch tv all afternoon or do housework, or type worksheets, or go out and walk around town aimslessly, get a manicure, or go for a facial. Anything at all. And when he knocks off at 5pm, I'd be waiting for his call or calling him to arrange to meet up. The balance, for me, is just right ( I think, for now)
I realised that it's not exactly the same for him. While I have and enjoy my solitude and space, he's at work. When I've spent enough of the day on my own and I'm ready for some company, he's just knocked off and things fall in place for me. In fact, I look forward to meeting him at the end of the day. Coupled with the personal space I had in the day, it's pretty much just right for me. When I think through his schedule, I think I have more of such space than he does, especially right now during my holidays. Maybe in the past he did not really feel that he is occupied with other things 24/7 because he used to have rather long-term MCs to stay home and rest. That was time where he could be with himself while I was busy at work. Although it's time spent at home, it's time spend alone, nevertheless.
Oh well, these are just some thoughts that ran through my mind while I was out on my own today. I think it's a healthy thing for my mind too. Am I keen to see him at the end of the day - sure! But if we do not, I'm fine and I think it's a good thing too. Like I told him last night - maybe we spend too much time with each other (?)
By the way, last night was good dear...
I took a walk from Beach Road to Bugis after that. I walked with a faint sense of direction and found myself along Arab street and Jalan Sultan. Came across some very old shophouses and wished I had my camera with me. I also came across the YKK Zipper wholesale store (well, it looked like the wholesale store) and I bought a large supply of blue and cream coloured hair ribbons for my band members.
It felt good to be walking with that faint sense of direction, not knowing exactly where you're headed and yet knowing that you're not completely lost. It felt good to just walk and feel the breeze in your face (admist the exhaust fumes from the buses and motocycles along the road). It was a very "touristy" feel. In fact, I was disappointed to have to enter Bugis junction and to be walking in the shopping complex, to have to be on the MRT instead of walking. But I needed to get to west mall and my back was really sore so I guess I had not much of a choice. Being in more populated places like the shopping complex, the bus and the mrt was very claustrophobic for me. I very much prefer to be walking out on the street (it mustn't be a busy one, though) feeling the sun in my face and taking in the occasion fragrance of the roti prata and curry when I walk past a coffeeshop.
I understand what I means to want some solitude space. I've been having it now and then, whenever I am alone (like for today) and I enjoy it quite abit. (That is why I like to shop alone.) To just go where I want to go and to not have to talk at all. True you can do this (walk around aimlessly and not talk) with someone next to you but it's not entirely the same. It's fun with some company when both enjoy doing the same things, but sometimes we just want to be with ourselves, by ourselves.
I realise that I have this space whenever I am on holiday and he's at work. I have the whole day to myself and I very much do whatever I want to do with it. I could stay in bed all morning, watch tv all afternoon or do housework, or type worksheets, or go out and walk around town aimslessly, get a manicure, or go for a facial. Anything at all. And when he knocks off at 5pm, I'd be waiting for his call or calling him to arrange to meet up. The balance, for me, is just right ( I think, for now)
I realised that it's not exactly the same for him. While I have and enjoy my solitude and space, he's at work. When I've spent enough of the day on my own and I'm ready for some company, he's just knocked off and things fall in place for me. In fact, I look forward to meeting him at the end of the day. Coupled with the personal space I had in the day, it's pretty much just right for me. When I think through his schedule, I think I have more of such space than he does, especially right now during my holidays. Maybe in the past he did not really feel that he is occupied with other things 24/7 because he used to have rather long-term MCs to stay home and rest. That was time where he could be with himself while I was busy at work. Although it's time spent at home, it's time spend alone, nevertheless.
Oh well, these are just some thoughts that ran through my mind while I was out on my own today. I think it's a healthy thing for my mind too. Am I keen to see him at the end of the day - sure! But if we do not, I'm fine and I think it's a good thing too. Like I told him last night - maybe we spend too much time with each other (?)
By the way, last night was good dear...
Monday, September 08, 2003
They say knowing a person is like peeling an onion. Ypu discover a different colour gradient and texture at each layer that you peel off. Layer after layer.
Sometimes I just want to go back to being the raw, unpeeled union. Mysterious, safe, maybe intriguing, sheltered. Is it a good idea to allow yourself to be peeled? Am I too transparent and predictable?
I think I am facing an identity crisis. I don't know who I am sometimes.
I feel so sad now.
Sometimes I just want to go back to being the raw, unpeeled union. Mysterious, safe, maybe intriguing, sheltered. Is it a good idea to allow yourself to be peeled? Am I too transparent and predictable?
I think I am facing an identity crisis. I don't know who I am sometimes.
I feel so sad now.
Saturday, September 06, 2003
KKY
I know you're suffering inside. You have not told many others but those whom you confided in are concerned enough to tell me about you. Please don't do anything that will harm yourself even more. I am here. Let's go out and breathe in the fresh air together? You can share your burdens with me and I will try to find a way out for you. You shouldn't have to go through so much at your age. Life should be full of laughter for you. Don't cry. Don't hold it all inside. Don't wallow in your own little mind and think that everything is going down. I'm here. I can sit at the rock bottom with you and we can talk it out. Or I can throw you a rope and pull you out of the pits. Whatever it is, I'm here.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
I checked out the websites and found out that I will need some sort of visitor card in order to see you. It seems only family members have the card and I need to accompany your mother in order to be able to see you. I will call up and ask again. I'm not even sure where you are exactly because I found out that there are so many other places like these in Singapore. I pray that you will learn your lesson while you're there. I hope that you will extend the kind of commitment you have proven to me to your life and to those who love you. You've hurt your mum deeply. Your family seems to have gone into seclusion. Anyway, I believe in you. I believe that you are inherently a good person deep inside because I've seen that side of you. Because I know this, I have shed tears for you on many occasions when I hear that you are not being who you can be. You seem so schizo to me. I've never been able to see the side of you that got you where you are now. I only pray now that you are remorseful for whatever that has happened and that you are waiting to be out again to begin a new life. I hope that you are not resentful towards what has happened and I hope you're not angry or still blinded by your follies. We are all here waiting for your return, ready to extend our friendship, care and concern to you again. Be patient. Be humble
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
I checked out the websites and found out that I will need some sort of visitor card in order to see you. It seems only family members have the card and I need to accompany your mother in order to be able to see you. I will call up and ask again. I'm not even sure where you are exactly because I found out that there are so many other places like these in Singapore. I pray that you will learn your lesson while you're there. I hope that you will extend the kind of commitment you have proven to me to your life and to those who love you. You've hurt your mum deeply. Your family seems to have gone into seclusion. Anyway, I believe in you. I believe that you are inherently a good person deep inside because I've seen that side of you. Because I know this, I have shed tears for you on many occasions when I hear that you are not being who you can be. You seem so schizo to me. I've never been able to see the side of you that got you where you are now. I only pray now that you are remorseful for whatever that has happened and that you are waiting to be out again to begin a new life. I hope that you are not resentful towards what has happened and I hope you're not angry or still blinded by your follies. We are all here waiting for your return, ready to extend our friendship, care and concern to you again. Be patient. Be humble
Thursday, September 04, 2003
I did it! I finished setting the year-end exam papers! Now I just need to get it vetted and make the minor adjustments here and there. Phew...it's a load off my mind now and at least I know I can concentrate on other things during the Sept holidays. I feel so empowered, so disciplined, so on-the-ball! Woohoo!
I seem to blog more when I'm sick and trapped at home. Got the loose shits this morning and need to monitor it all very closely now. If it's still the same in the noon, I need to see Dr Tay again.
I am so worried about school. I thought I would be able to go to work today but my fever was still there this morning and I could not wake up. *sigh* How am I going to complete the syllabus? Got to do some planning tomorrow and get the 2 classes to come back for mass lectures in the AVT. But there are several problems...
1) I do not have any free period tomorrow to do the planning
2) I'm not too sure if I can use the AVT as it may be logistically not feasible to conduct maths lessons there
3) I need to make arrangements so that ALL the students can come for the lesson.
4) I need to plan it in such a way that I will somehow be able to steal on or two days of absolute leave.
5) I can't plan it on band practice days/times as many of the students in these 2 classes are band members.
Argh...the constraints I face.
Things to do tomorrow :
1) Fax Karmen and Yu Kun's NCO Camp forms to CCA Branch
2) Arrange extra lessons for next week
3) Speak to Mrs G and Mdm Y about cutting syllabus for exam (though I think its unlikely cos they're so fast! They probably completed theirs..)
4) Look for Zafirah to get her Edusave Deduction form and pass her the ticket
5) Find another 2 people to attend the concert so that I can get rid of the last 2 tickets.
6) Submit all edusave forms to Mr Singh
7) Call Mr Yap of Kreta Ayer CC to discuss fund-raising concert in Dec.
8) Call Victoria Concert Hall to book dates and time of concert.
9) Sign CA Reports and issue them to my class
10) Teach.
I am so worried about school. I thought I would be able to go to work today but my fever was still there this morning and I could not wake up. *sigh* How am I going to complete the syllabus? Got to do some planning tomorrow and get the 2 classes to come back for mass lectures in the AVT. But there are several problems...
1) I do not have any free period tomorrow to do the planning
2) I'm not too sure if I can use the AVT as it may be logistically not feasible to conduct maths lessons there
3) I need to make arrangements so that ALL the students can come for the lesson.
4) I need to plan it in such a way that I will somehow be able to steal on or two days of absolute leave.
5) I can't plan it on band practice days/times as many of the students in these 2 classes are band members.
Argh...the constraints I face.
Things to do tomorrow :
1) Fax Karmen and Yu Kun's NCO Camp forms to CCA Branch
2) Arrange extra lessons for next week
3) Speak to Mrs G and Mdm Y about cutting syllabus for exam (though I think its unlikely cos they're so fast! They probably completed theirs..)
4) Look for Zafirah to get her Edusave Deduction form and pass her the ticket
5) Find another 2 people to attend the concert so that I can get rid of the last 2 tickets.
6) Submit all edusave forms to Mr Singh
7) Call Mr Yap of Kreta Ayer CC to discuss fund-raising concert in Dec.
8) Call Victoria Concert Hall to book dates and time of concert.
9) Sign CA Reports and issue them to my class
10) Teach.
Wednesday, September 03, 2003
I am on 2 days of medical leave. Felt awful last night. Was shivering uncontrollably under 2 blankets and my whole body was aching. Had a fever too. Shivers were gone this morning but the fever measured at 38.4. Dr Tay gave me only panadol, vitamin C and cold medicine and sent me home to sleep. I feel better now after the rest. But fever is still here...though lower at 37.3.
This reminds me of my fever days during the sars period. *shivers* don't ever want to go through that again man...
M messaged me just now and said that our trip to Hong Kong has been changed to Australia instead. I do not know why and I am waiting for her reply. See? This school changes things at the blink of an eye. I feel like a puppet being pushed here and there.
Anyway, they're having the UG meeting in school right now and I'm glad I'm not there. Let HT go take the minutes and type the stuff out. She loves working for him and carrying balls.
How am I going to complete the syllabus now that I'm down with flu and need to stay home? I'm so worried.
This reminds me of my fever days during the sars period. *shivers* don't ever want to go through that again man...
M messaged me just now and said that our trip to Hong Kong has been changed to Australia instead. I do not know why and I am waiting for her reply. See? This school changes things at the blink of an eye. I feel like a puppet being pushed here and there.
Anyway, they're having the UG meeting in school right now and I'm glad I'm not there. Let HT go take the minutes and type the stuff out. She loves working for him and carrying balls.
How am I going to complete the syllabus now that I'm down with flu and need to stay home? I'm so worried.
I am feeling chills all over my body and am also feeling sore all over. Body aches. Wonder why.
I have mixed feelings about my professional life for the coming year. I feel as if I'm being pushed into a corner where I can decide what I want for myself. I feel robbed of my well-deserved rest in December. I am fearful of the immense stress that I will face having to juggle so many things at a time. I feel repulsive having to carry out duties for the sake of it being a duty and to have no personal desire nor motivation to work at it. I am also excited to be able to be in a position where I could possible affect the way certain things are done in my school (but then again, this might just be an illusion...I could just be another of the boss's pawn)
Right now, I am having a headache and my body is aching all over. My hands and feet are icy cold and I don't know why. I think I will go to bed soon.
Had a good time catching up with you girls tonight.
I have mixed feelings about my professional life for the coming year. I feel as if I'm being pushed into a corner where I can decide what I want for myself. I feel robbed of my well-deserved rest in December. I am fearful of the immense stress that I will face having to juggle so many things at a time. I feel repulsive having to carry out duties for the sake of it being a duty and to have no personal desire nor motivation to work at it. I am also excited to be able to be in a position where I could possible affect the way certain things are done in my school (but then again, this might just be an illusion...I could just be another of the boss's pawn)
Right now, I am having a headache and my body is aching all over. My hands and feet are icy cold and I don't know why. I think I will go to bed soon.
Had a good time catching up with you girls tonight.
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