I tried to hold back my tears as she pressed and prodded my body. I am dead sure there are blue black marks on my back now. The price to pay to take away the constant back aches...so I grit my teeth and endured the pain. She twisted my neck too and there were cracking sounds coming from my neck from places where I never thought would produce such loud sounds. It felt good.

I took a walk from Beach Road to Bugis after that. I walked with a faint sense of direction and found myself along Arab street and Jalan Sultan. Came across some very old shophouses and wished I had my camera with me. I also came across the YKK Zipper wholesale store (well, it looked like the wholesale store) and I bought a large supply of blue and cream coloured hair ribbons for my band members.

It felt good to be walking with that faint sense of direction, not knowing exactly where you're headed and yet knowing that you're not completely lost. It felt good to just walk and feel the breeze in your face (admist the exhaust fumes from the buses and motocycles along the road). It was a very "touristy" feel. In fact, I was disappointed to have to enter Bugis junction and to be walking in the shopping complex, to have to be on the MRT instead of walking. But I needed to get to west mall and my back was really sore so I guess I had not much of a choice. Being in more populated places like the shopping complex, the bus and the mrt was very claustrophobic for me. I very much prefer to be walking out on the street (it mustn't be a busy one, though) feeling the sun in my face and taking in the occasion fragrance of the roti prata and curry when I walk past a coffeeshop.

I understand what I means to want some solitude space. I've been having it now and then, whenever I am alone (like for today) and I enjoy it quite abit. (That is why I like to shop alone.) To just go where I want to go and to not have to talk at all. True you can do this (walk around aimlessly and not talk) with someone next to you but it's not entirely the same. It's fun with some company when both enjoy doing the same things, but sometimes we just want to be with ourselves, by ourselves.

I realise that I have this space whenever I am on holiday and he's at work. I have the whole day to myself and I very much do whatever I want to do with it. I could stay in bed all morning, watch tv all afternoon or do housework, or type worksheets, or go out and walk around town aimslessly, get a manicure, or go for a facial. Anything at all. And when he knocks off at 5pm, I'd be waiting for his call or calling him to arrange to meet up. The balance, for me, is just right ( I think, for now)

I realised that it's not exactly the same for him. While I have and enjoy my solitude and space, he's at work. When I've spent enough of the day on my own and I'm ready for some company, he's just knocked off and things fall in place for me. In fact, I look forward to meeting him at the end of the day. Coupled with the personal space I had in the day, it's pretty much just right for me. When I think through his schedule, I think I have more of such space than he does, especially right now during my holidays. Maybe in the past he did not really feel that he is occupied with other things 24/7 because he used to have rather long-term MCs to stay home and rest. That was time where he could be with himself while I was busy at work. Although it's time spent at home, it's time spend alone, nevertheless.

Oh well, these are just some thoughts that ran through my mind while I was out on my own today. I think it's a healthy thing for my mind too. Am I keen to see him at the end of the day - sure! But if we do not, I'm fine and I think it's a good thing too. Like I told him last night - maybe we spend too much time with each other (?)

By the way, last night was good dear...