The Beaufort was excellent! We checked in and prepared our BBQ food in the hotel and left them all in the fridge before ee went out for a walk down the hotel staircase that leads to Tanjong Beach. We walked across the bridge to the Southern-most point of the Asian Continent and decided that that would be a good spot for our BBQ. Then, we took the monorail round the island and decided to visit the cheapest attraction on the island - Fort Siloso. ($5 per person only) It was raining but we still went ahead ('cos we already paid, that's why! haha...)

Our BBQ was fantastic. We found a good spot with a shelter, a table and benches, and 3 little (fake) tree stumps. We put out little portable, disposable pit on one of the stumps and sat on the other 2 to BBQ. No hassle! No groundsheets needed! Everything was perfect. The food was delicious, the amount was just enough, the beer tasted SO good with the BBQ food. (Baron's Strong Brew -- good stuff) and we even had sparklers.

I burnt my left index finger while trying to light one of the sparklers. So much for coordination...ouch.

We woke up at about 9:30am for breakfast, thinking that we were the latest people to turn up. But it seems the entire hotel guests slept late! It was full house and we were lucky to manage to get a table......

OOps, I'm late....
Got to go...going out to buy things with R. Things for the first 2 days of school. No time for now....

We saw Lord Of The Rings again just now. Yes, it's that good and we like it that much. :-)

Suddenly the thought of having school to start again next thursday is really scary. Now I know what it means to actually go for a holiday to feel that you have had your holiday before school starts. I seem to have been busy most of this holiday! It's either band stuff, or Happy Friends' Club stuff, or school stuff. Where's my holiday? Where's my break? We will be going to Beaufort to spend Christmas Eve and Day. I hope that somehow I will have that feeling of having a holiday abroad when I'm there.

We're going to do our outdoor picnic thingey at Sertosa on Christmas Eve. It's kind of like a "tradition", since we did the same last year. We went to Giant at Turf City today to get the stuff we need, minus the perishables. We even bought a little cooler box to put our raw food in! It was fun planning for it.

We agreed that being at Turf City made us feel as if we were in Malaysia. Maybe it's the sheer size of the entire mall, maybe its the lack of proper facilities like shelters, taxi stands, wide escalators, ample trolley ramps, or maybe its the lack in numbers in the crowd in comparison to the mall. The whole food mall outside looked like it was going to close down soon. Business looked bad for a place that should be popular.

I bought Diana Krall's "Live In Paris". There is one song in it that I really love -- "Just the way you are". It's so romantic and the lyrics are so meaningful.

Since I went through that bad patch with the previous relationship, I've always wanted to be loved for who I am. I wanted someone to see who I really was inside and to love and appreciate me for all that, the good and the bad. I wanted someone who would not take advantage of my weaknesses nor to use them against me. I had enough of that from the previous experience, in which I was deeply hurt. It took me a long time to get over it and to put it behind me. I told myself that I will not allow another person to make me feel less than I am. I will not allow another to put me down and to take away my self-esteem and self-believe. It took me a long time to collect all the bits back and to piece them together again.

This is partly why this song is so special to me. I have found someone who can see who I really am and who loves me for all that. It's magical. We just came to each other over a cup of coffee and it all started from there. We were honest about ourselves and I fell in love with whom I saw.

Don't go changing, to try and please me
You never let me down before
Don't imagine you're too familiar
And I don't see you anymore

I wouldn't leave you in times of trouble
We never could have come this far
I took the good times, I'll take the bad times
I'll take you just the way you are

Don't go trying some new fashion
Don't change the color of your hair
You always have my unspoken passion
Although I might not seem to care

I don't want clever conversation
I never want to work that hard
I just want someone that I can talk to
I want you just the way you are.

I need to know that you will always be
The same old someone that I knew
What will it take till you believe in me
The way that I believe in you.

I said I love you and that's forever
And this I promise from the heart
I could not love you any better
I love you just the way you are.

We caught Lord Of The Rings just now! I am absolutely overwhelmed by the whole movie. It's fantastic. Go watch it quick!! We might catch it a second time with a group of friends this weekend. It's worth it man...

Jeffrey emailed and said he would like to withdraw from the HFC committee. Ian called me this noon to talk about it. He thought that I knew about it beforehand. I did not. Anyway, I would like to know what are his reasons for withdawing. Ian also mentioned that Pam might know some things and that his fear was the big group of volunteers might just go along with Jeff. He asked me to talk to Pam to check out how things were. All these, I do have the intention of doing, even before Ian called.

It just dawned on me that this is a responsibility for me now, since I am supposed to have officially taken over the position from Ian. It's up to me to make those phonecalls and to do such PR things. The thought of having such a big responsibility falling on my shoulders is really quite a scary thought. Ian's phonecall was kind of like a reminder that "Hey, it's your call now. You call the shots, so you got to handle this."

All of a sudden, there's this little conflict in me with the "want to do it" vs the "have to do it". It's a thin line to draw. I suppose with the first one, I still have the choice. I want to do it but if I have no time, then my "wants" change and I won't do it. But if I have to do it, then the whole thing becomes very different. Almost a dread.

I wonder if I am this kind of...well...what do you call it...PR(?) person. Some people love to make phonecalls and chat over the phone, even if it's something serious to discuss about. Personally, I hate making phonecalls. I can chat with you for hours over the phone if you call, but I won't actually sit down and pick up the phone and make a call to anyone just for a chat.

So as much as I hate to make phonecalls, I want to speak to Jeff about his withdrawal from the committee and etc. So, I have to make that phonecall anyway.

Ming Keong's brother, Ming Hui was admitted to NUH A&E on Saturday evening. I got a shock when Ian called me to tell me about it. I am worried and this has been on my mind. My heart would skip a beat if I see Ian's name on my handphone when it rings. I just pray hard and hope that Ming Hui will be fine. He experienced difficulty breathing at home and his mother sent him ot the hospital. At NUH, he had another seizure. I hope he will be strong. In his condition, to give up is simply too easy and if he gives up, it will be difficult for him to will his weak muscles to work for his body.

I try not to think about what can be going on in his mind. To have experienced and seen your own brother pass away from the exact same condition just about 2 weeks ago is already truamatic enough. Ming Hui has always been the stronger of the 2 brothers. He has never had any complications to his condition. This is his first time to experience something like that and to be sent to the hospital. He is under close observation right now. If I have the time later, I will go and visit him. (It's my cousin's wedding lunch today at Shangrila Hotel)

I hope the Tan family will be strong and pull through this together. I really do not know if there can be anything that I can do to help them. I thought of brewing coffee and bringing it to them in a flask. I also thought of buying some snacks for them. My own family has been through such ordeals when we kept close watch over my father in the hospital. Not only does the patient need the encouragement, moral support, love and care, the immediate family is also under alot of stress. Lack of sleep, constant worrying, lack of proper meals and mealtimes...it all leads to fatigue.

I pray hard that they will pull through this together. If anything happens to Ming Hui, it will be another terrible blow to his sister and his parents.

Our own problems are so trivial.

We brought mum to Kinara for dinner tonight. It was a good dinner. I had wanted to take my mum to Kinara for a long time. After dinner, we introduced her to Jazz@Southbridge and we sat there and listened to the music for some time. Louis seemed to be able to recognise her as my mum! I was wondering, do I really resemble my mum so much? I never thought so...anyway, Louis was very sweet and he made us very comfortable and even bought my mum a drink.

Met Alwyn on my way to the ladies. He was shocked that my mum was with me. He thought she was very happening.

Merlin came by later on. She also said my mum was very happening.

Hey man, cool...you must see who her daughter is man....

Jay once said that she could see my purpose in life. She said she saw that I was here to do something for others. Volunteering was in me.

Perhaps it's true. But I do not see volunteering as helping. Volunteering is a duty. It's my duty as a person.

Maybe because of Ming Keong, I explored the possibility of going into special education. Or rather, I am exploring the possibility. I found out that I am not adequately equiped with the skills nor the appropriate credentials to contribute significantly to special eductaion. I need to have studied psychology or something like that. NIE offers training for special education but I don't trust NIE. A good friend of mine advised me recently :

Ian : Do you want to hold a higher role in planning and policy making or do you want to be directly involved with the kids?
me : Directly involved. I don't even see myself being a HOD or any other higher "rank" in teaching, mainly because I want to be directly involved.
Ian : But if you hold a higher role, you call the shots to whether you will be directly involved at the same time. Special education is not currrently well-runned.
me : I suppose, but I do not have any relevant background.
Ian : exactly. You give yourself some time, go and take a masters in the relevant area, and then when you go into it, you can take the bigger roles. People will listen to you.

Hmm...that's a thought....

Anyway, Ian introduced me to the Director of TeachMe services yesterday evening before our meeting with the other volunteers. Our meeting lasted from 7pm to about 10:45pm. But it was a good feeling to have ironed out some issues and to have a certain structure in place. The next meeting is on the 30th.

Following this link and scroll to the bottom of the page to look at the group photo. Ming Keong is the 2nd one from the right. His brother Ming Hui is the 2nd from the left....

I attended the funeral at Singapore Casket this afternoon with Ian, John, Min Jie and Mun Hin. Mok Jia Yong's mother and sister, Jia Min, attended too.

I was very sad. I cannot imagine how much worse his family must be feeling, if I, just a mere volunteer who have only met them on a few occasions, am already feeling the grief and the sense of loss. His mother looked distraught and his dad was trying to hold back his grief. Ming Hui tried to be strong too and he was in fact very strong. I hate to even imagine what might be going on in his mind. When the monk came for the final round of chants, the only person that could stand at the altar to hold the incense was his younger sister, Yoke Min. When the monk told everyone to move forward to take their last look and to pay their last respects, all their relatives huddled beside his casket and wept. His mother broke down, so did his father. And then Ming Hui cried too.

Ming Keong was cremated at Bright Hill Crematorium. His sister did not speak at all from the moment I saw her this morning till the time I left. She just moaned softly and cried. She's only Pri 3.

His father told us that he really enjoyed the Malacca trip and was looking forward to the next trip. His demise was sudden, although the family was aware that this was the final outcome of DMD.

I am glad that we did the Malacca trip. I am glad that the brothers attended our camps. I remember them on their first camp about 5 or 6 years ago at Sembawang Sea Sports Club. Ming Keong was the shy one. Both brothers could not sleep and wanted to sit up on their mattresses. It was their first camp and the first time they slept away from home without their parents and slept out in the open. We even took them on boat rides around the Seletar Islands. I am glad that HFC did this for them.

The reason why I have been and am still in HFC for such a long time is simply because I believe that we made a difference. No matter how small, we made a difference. This alone is my drive to want to stay in the club. The friendships we have fostered with our Happy Friends may not be a close one, but it certainly is a significant one. I have learnt more from these kids than they have from me or from us, for that matter.

I cried today, not because of the emotional scene at the funeral, but because Ming Keong is a friend. Someone whom I see coming back for subsequent camps. Someone I would look forward to meeting for whatever other of our MD camps. Someone I will miss for future camps. I felt the grieve of having to say goodbye to a friend.

Rest In Peace, Ming Keong.

Ah Huay jie jie

Ming Keong passed away on Sunday morning. Ian woke me up with his phonecall and told me.

I cried in the bathroom.

*sigh*.......

The concert is over!! It was good. I was really so very nervous in the beginning because of the excitement of the whole event becoming a reality. Relaxed a lot after the first half. In fact, after the first part of the piece that I was playing with the jazz ensemble. I played the piano for the jazz ensemble. Many of the other teachers who attended the concert did not even know that I could play the piano. Haha. Why should I tell you? So that you can exploit me and ask me to play for school functions? hehe...I'm not that dumb! Hmmm...but then again, NOW they know....hmmm

Anyway, I had a great time. The feeling of the whole completion of the event, the concert, is just GREAT. I look back at the past months of hard work, the rush I had to go through to produce the design of the concert logo, to get the tickets printed out and the frantic search for the perforation of the ticket...and then getting hte band ready, making sure they all ahd their uniformas, getting hte tailor to come down to take the measurements for the kids, getting the programme sheet ready, buying the paper and the string, printing it etc etc.

One word to describe : PHEW!!!!!!!

Guess what, it's 1st December! We have been together for ONE WHOLE YEAR! We have not had any quarrels in this year. Believe it or not, its true. Maybe little tiffs, in fact only one...but NO quarrels. Well, it says something doesn't it?

I love you baby....happy anniversary....*hugs*