I almost cried too, when saying goodbye to WT. We all got so emotional. The thought of not seeing a good friend for the next 5 years because she's halfway around the globe was sad. Though we're sad, I'm so happy for her - she will have so many new experiences over there with Joel, she will be a "tai tai" staying at home while her husband works. Five years is a long time. They saved up for Joel's studies and so they have got no spare cash to fly back and forth from the States. She won't be back at all for the next 5 years....

WT was one of the few friendly faces that greeted me when I came to this school. Our friendship deepened when we were allocated to sit next to each other in the new staffroom. When I moved to sit elsewhere, I remember she cried. That really pulled my heart strings. She's one of the kindest people I have come across. She's calm and collected and she's always courteous and warm. I have never seen her break and lose her cool under stress. It's no wonder that she was promoted to be the HOD of pastoral care within 5 years of her career. I've always treated her like a big sister. Though we're not close as in we do not share details of each other's everyday lives together, she will always be a good friend. Maybe if she had left the school for another, I might not see her in the next 5 years anyway. But knowing that she's going to be in Texas for the next 5 years is different because that means even if we wanted to meet up, we woouldn't be able to.

Goodbye is so hard.

----------------------------------------------

Anyway, today i also Jay's birthday. We celebrated it at Bali Thai and I bought her a cake too. Happy Birthday Miss India!!!!! Stay Beautiful!!!!!!

Ever seen an illuminated computer keyboard?

The moment I think about school, I feel this sense of fear. I'm not kidding. I think about the things that I have to do and I really freak out. I have to tell myself to stop thinking and just handle it one at a time. I go through the entire process of thinking through about the things that I need to get done and the priority of each item. Just the thought of it all makes me feel like I really want to take an MC tomorrow to stay home, not to rest of escape from it all, but so that I can use the time at home to complete some things without having the interruptions of having to conduct lessons.

The past 2 days being away from school was pure bliss. I had no stress. I attended my course with the enthusiasm of a keen student and I met up with ex-students on both days for lunch. Chatting with the teachers from other schools was also interesting. You learn from each other that its the same stress everywhere regarding your CCA and we all face the same type of problems when it comes to teaching and planning for the subject. But this once incident got me thinking : we were talking about the subjects that we were teaching in school. The majority of these teachers wre teaching Maths ans CPA. When it came to my turn, I said "maths, english and CPA". Everyone had the same expression of shock and disbelief on their face. There stopped sipping their coffee and eating their cake for that split second. I was faced with questions like "how come like that?", "It's no joke man, how do you cope?" and all that.

I realised (once again) that I am overloaded over here. It seems stress and CCA duties are the same everywhere but 3 teaching subjects is almost unheard of. I am going to speak up this time and request that I teach only 2 subjects next year. And if I may choose, please please please give me Maths and CPA. I don't want English....but then again, BM is not likely to release me from her tentacles....she's like Ursala...

Speaking of BM, she wants to observe my English Lesson next term. I don't understand why. She's not my reporting officer. Yes I do belong to her department and so? She wants to do a routine quality check on all of us. *sigh*....the thought of it makes me sick. Term 4 is an extremely busy term for me. Being the only person in charge of the PMS, almost every week in term 4 is taken up for printing the result slips and leaving certs of each graduating level (starting with the 4NA students). I am going to just die....

Attended a course at Singapore Poly today. Will be there tomorrow again. I love missing school and I miss schooling life! *sigh*

I had so much more to blog last night but I was too sleepy. There was actually a 3rd paragraph but my finger landed on the backspace key while I dozed off for the mere few seconds and when I jolted awake, the entire paragraph was gone.

Anyway, any plans for today? I want to do something outdoor but I don't know what. Well, we'll see about that...

The concert was a success. I was running around the school till about 3:45pm, arranging and getting the guitar ensemble to rehearse with the mic system. We were all supposed to be ready at 4pm! Anyway, I excused myself and called for a short meeting at 4pm to see all the leaders of the performing groups for a short briefing. Then I ran to the staffroom to get ready for everything. I was quite amazed that I managed to wash my face, change and put on my make-up all in 15 minutes. Could tell that the guitar ensemble instructor was rather surprise at how different I look (or something). Talked to them and when done, he said," by the way, you look very pretty". That caught me. Cos I think I look more harrassed than anything else.

Anyway, I'm so proud of my band. I love their music. They were all in full uniform and so I decided that it would be a perfect opportunity to take a band photo. I was rather frustrated with the camera though. Will not bother to explain what it was that made it so frustrating. I actually missed many "golden moments" just because the camera wasn't ready at that time.

I have lost all my email contacts since I got my computer reformatted. Jen, Min or Qing, if you're reading this, could you send me an email? What are you guys busy with lately? Been some time since we met up...

Anyway, today's Annual Award Ceremony in school. My band is reporting at 1pm. It's going to be a busy busy day.

I went to Ikea last night to buy some box files for the different sections to store their music files in the band room. Stayed back in school till 6pm yesterday to do the final bits of cleaning up in the band room and I finally managed to neaten up the place a little and to clear up some things around. Some of the kids were in the room with me, helping me and playing around with their instruments at the same time. It's these times that I get to chat with them on a more personal level and get to know them a little bit more. Cai Jing asked me "why you so good?" (as in, why did I bother to clean up the room and clear unwanted stuff and all that). I just told her that I'm the band teacher and this room belongs to the everyone in the band. I'm only doing my part. Besides, I'm such a neat freak. Of course, I didn't tell her that.

Desmond has shown so much more improvement in his attitude towards the band this year. I used to have to chase after him to get him to turn up for practice. He used to promise me over IRC that he would want to be a good boy and come for practice regularly but he disappointed me many times. Now, his attitude is really different and he is starting to feel that sense of belonging to this band. Maturity level in a student is one big factor how some of them eventually learn to be responsible and reliable. Must remember to mention about him in my speech during our POP in August.

The construction right outside my window is driving me nuts. I'm going to shower and get to school before I go crazy....

I've decided...I'm going to wear my white cheongsam to school tomorrow...that punjabi suit? I wore that last year...

Happy Racial Harmony Day!

We had the Annual Awards Ceremony rehearsal today at 4pm. It was rather chaotic. I found at the very last minute that the PA supplier was not employed to supply the sound system for the concert in the concourse for today's rehearsal. How then can you call it a REHEARSAL when you don't even have the most important item? I mean, the PA system was the main reason why we needed to rehearse today....*sigh*...I'm so tired of this crap in school. Somebody somewhere not directly involved with the item making the decision without knowing what is really required and what the problems are. And worse, making the decision known only in the very last minute so that the people directly involved have got no way of making other arrangements. This place is like this. Decisions are made by people "up there" who are not aware of what's really happening "down here".

To top it off, I had to discover for myself that I had 4 students who did not have a band coat to wear for our performance this Saturday. They did not even have the decency to inform me. How irresponsible! I was SO mad because they really gave me a BIG headache. It was unimaginable. I scolded the whole group and my blood really boiled when one of the 4 students was distracted as I was lecturing them. I really raised my voice this time and I could feel the blood rushing to my head. I nearly exploded. I had to walk off to cool down.

So yeah, I had a super day, minus the events above, which make up about 70% of today.

*aching feet*

Monday blues are setting in. I was having a game of mahjong with Pei, John and Jonathan when I realised that tomorrow's a working day. Wow, my mood was immediately dampened man.

So Limin turned 21 this year. Looking at her, man I think she looks like she turned 21 long ago. No offence but the trend seems to suggest that girls are growing up and maturing much faster and are going way beyond their true age. I have met my 17-year-old students on the streets and you wouldn't think that they were only 17. Their dressing, make-up skills and all that make them look much older. Like my age! Sometimes I feel like I'm younger than them...younger at heart, I mean. Do I look my age? (I hope not.)

She's the typical "little royal highness" brought into the world with a silver spoon in her mouth. Youngest in the family with a doting elder brother and another sister. Her mother fetches her everywhere, even when she wants to go for a movie with her friends, or even when she goes clubbing at zouk. Her mother will fetch her there and if she wants to, her mother would fetch her home too. What a lucky girl, everyone says. But frankly, I think she's spoilt. Her poor mother's been slogging her ass off for her birthday party. She apparently had one last night at her home with her friends and tonight's party is for family and relatives. So her mother was "lamenting" that tonight's crowd isnt as difficult to serve as last night's. I could imagine her running in and out of the kitchen, preparing and topping up the cordial, making sure there's enough serviettes to go round and cleaning up after the guests have left. Yeah, they have a maid too, which is why her little royal highness need not lift a finger to do anything. After all, it IS her birthday party.

I wonder if I will pamper my own daughter like this next time.

Isn't there a regulation to prevent contractors from exploiting their foreign workers? There are more than 5 workers who are still downstairs moving sacks of cement and sand down from a lorry onto the pavement. (One of the units in my block is undergoing renovations.) Working?! At 3am in the morning?!

The computer at home is down.

I am sitting in Computer Lab 2 waiting for my students to come in for lesson.

Broke a glass plate in the staffroom just now. Was trying to cut up at slice of pizza but I accidently let the plate slide off the table and it crashed into many pieces on the floor. Hmmm...did not get any cuts, otherwise I might have an excuse to leave school to seek medical treatment or something.

Been having bad gastric problems. I don't skip food. In fact, I've been gorging myself. Everyone tells me its stress. Well, maybe. The pain gets worse whenever I think of work. Might have to see a doctor soon if this persists.

Post-mortem of the TeachMe camp tonight at 6pm. All the way at Ang Mo Kio. I really don't feel like going. It's such a drag (I have to drag myself all the way there), especially since the camp took place a month ago. If it was a dead body, the decay would render the post-mortem useless by now.

Ok, got to go prepare for the lessons now. Bell will go anytime soon....

I'm running on Windows NT now....thanks dear for doing it up for me...I will try to be very careful in dealing with this virus crap!

I need new clothes. I have not been shopping for any clothes since November last year. Reason? I had to sacrifice shopping and all other luxuries in order to meet the credit card payments that I had set aside for myself.

I'm sick of wearing what I have. I may have 2 cupboards of clothes, but less than half are interesting enough to be given a second glance. They were pretty ok last year but you know clothes, they tend to get worn out after too many wears. Everytime I open my cupboard and pick a skirt or a top out, I would have an ideal matching item to it on my mind and wish I had it. My clothes are so boring.

Times like these, I wish I was rich. I wanted to go somewhere to shop after school today but then I remembered that I don't have enough money, so I came home instead.

Everytime I open my cupnoard to select clothes for the next day, I take at least 20 minutes...to select the clothing. A ridiculously long time, maybe, but I really cannot seem to decide on which piece to wear. I even have to think of matching shoes and bags (which I hardly buy). Stressful!!

The smell of success...ah....

I came home at 6:30pm. I've been rotting in the living room till now. What a beautiful way to spend my time. Just sitting, entertained by the tube. I didn't lift my ass off from the couch until 10pm. Have not done this couch-potato thing for some time now. What fun!

Ok. I'm at home. I'm typing this using my (suspected to be virused) computer. Let's see if this blog will appear on the webby after I scratch that orange "publish" button. Let's just see, shall we?

After this, I will log off, pack my room and clear the junk, and then back up the files in my computer....if I still have the energy, that is.

Okie....publishing of this blog begins NOW....

I'm not going to do any work today. I'm too tired to think.

I'm STRESSED. I'm so PISSED by this place and the people "up there" who have the final say. So what if you booked the meeting room way beforehand? I didn't know that I was the PE of the LC exam until last week. I couldn't have booked the room before you. Yeah, on BnW you have the right to use the room for your cluster meeting, but what we're having on Saturday is the O LEVEL Mother Tongue LC EXAM! I believe that should take precedence over your bloody meeting! Use the library? Find me a cupboard where I can lock the exam papers in then. Yes, I know you have emailed all your cluster who-ever to meet you in the meeting room, but you can just put up signs in the school telling them to detour to another room, can't you? Hey, this is the Mother Tongue Listening Comprehension exam ok. YOU are the Head of the MT department for goodness sake! What the hell are you doing?? Stop laughing in the sickening manner when you tell me about this. You know you should let the examiners have the room and yet you're hanging on to it. You just don't want the trouble of having to prepare signs to inform those people of the change in venue, right? Lazy!

And you! Who do you think we are? We are already stressing over the national day parade and that bloody march pass thing. We have our own concert to be focussed on. We have to be in school ONE HOUR before any other people for EVERY SINGLE rehearsal and on that actual day itself. We have to CARRY our instruments AND chairs down that highly-inconvenient spiral staircase from the THIRD floor down to the carpark and set up, just to play those 2 pieces for everyone. We already have THREE practices a week. Yet you still want us to put up a performance of any kind for the National Day concert in the school hall?? Are you out of your mind? Or is it too stupid to think? Or are you just simply cruel? Your arrows come flying at any convenient target! Just because my students are a talented lot does not mean that they can be asked or ordered to do anything for you! What about the other performing groups in the school? Why don't you ask them? We have not time to carry our instruments down to the carpark, play for you, carry everything back upstairs again, and then rush to the hall to perform. You're talking about 80 kids here. Not just a handful. EIGHTY kids to run around like mad chickens for you?? We have no time to practice or rehearse for your bloody concert. We have our own priorities here. You can forget about the concert. We're not performing. If you insist, then all 80 of us will see and know what kind of leadership qualities you have and how good you are at allocating duties and dividing workload.

This place is full of shit.

"The Art of Happiness."

I bought this book by Bertrand Russell a couple of years back but did not get past the first 2 pages. The language is too deep and the ideas, too philosophical. Maybe there's no such thing as "too philosophical". Maybe I was not mature enough to grasp the deeper meanings of it. I wonder if I will read it again. Sometimes, I do ask myself if I know how to make myself happy. Am I doing enough for my spiritual well-being? Am I taking care of my mental growth? It seems I have to conciously think of all these issues because if I don't, I will probably be where I am now for the next 20 years. Now that's a scary thought.

Then again, I must DO something. There's no point sitting here thinking about what I should do and I what I can do. I have to MOVE. I'm so tired everyday (physically). I wonder how he, and some of my friends, can actually attend night classes without falling asleep, not to mention, learn and absorb?

A driving license. I will start with that. Expensive as it may be, but it's money that's going to be spent one day anyway, so why not now? The thing is, I have to pay by credit and that turns me off a great deal. I am sick and tired of credit card bills. A souple of nights ago, I dreamt that I was driving. I had so much fun in that dream that when I woke up, I wanted to go back to sleep to continue that dream. All my friends have got their licenses. Jen, Min and Qing can drive. Biqing, Weiqing and Donna can drive. The guys from my class can drive too. I think I will start by getting that basic theory test date. Soon.

There. Done.

It's one of those days where you feel that nothing, absolutely nothing can motivate you to do anything. I'm feeling so lethargic. Even eating chocolate does not make me feel better. I already popped a few into my mouth today, not to mention the number of butter cookies that I have taken. No use. Just feel fatter, that's all.

Maybe it's PMS.

I'm thinking of re-vamping my room. Taking out the little bits and pieces here and there that make it look cluttered. I seem to have so many little knic-knacs. The candles I bought for that little corner on top of the chest of drawers are all collecting dust. I do not burn them. I was just thinking, maybe I should wrap them up and give them away as gifts. They're brand new anyway.

The archive links do not work. I'm getting rid of them.

Chatterbox is a waste of space. I'm getting rid of it too.

Now.

I missed the Wolrd Cup finals, but my Sunday was more meaningful than any other that I normally had.

We brought about 18 handicap youths out to Suntec City. After that, we took a walk over to One Fullerton. Along Nicoll Highway, we stopped to enjoy the sea breeze and to let them feast their eyes on the view of the sea and of Benjamin Sheares Birdge. We had dinner at Lau Par Sat. Everyone was exhausted, but happy.

Sherena was telling me that some of these youths have never been to Suntec City, nor One Fullerton, nor Lau Par Sat before. One of the guys (he's 20 years old) had never been out of this home alone without his family. We hoped that the outing would open their eyes and help them on their first independent step into the society, instead of cooping themselves up at home all the time. We wanted to show them that there were many places in Singapore that were wheelchair-friendly and that they could visit these places on their own in future.

I'm glad we gave them something special that day. Somehow, some doors were opened. Despite their difference in intellectual level, in medical condition, in mobility and in race, everyone was able to have a good time with each other. I enjoyed myself very much too.

I've learnt so much from them. My awareness level is heightened everytime I work with these people. It's different with them and with HFC. At HFC, I'm the organizer. Ian and I "run" the show and do the background preparations. On Sunday, I was a volunteer. I simply interacted with the people and I was in charge of pushing Sherena from Suntec to Lau Par Sat. It was no mean feat. We had to manouver the wheelchair up and down the curbs and over the bumps and holes in the ground. I had to ensure her safety and make sure that I did not topple the wheelchair as I pushed her up/down the curbs.

Sherena and Judy are 2 very special people. If possible, I would like all my friends to meet them and even my mum to meet them. Their positive attitude to life, never-say-die spirit is so inspiring. Despite being wheelchair bound, they are still giving their time and effort to helping and guiding Singapore's handicap society.

When you know that what you do will bring smiles to their faces and their lives, when you know that with every outing and every be-friending you are opening a door, even if it is by a little creak, then everything, even a friendly hello, is worth all the effort, all the energy, all the time.

There's something very wrong with my computer these past few days. That's why I could not blog. The system refused to accept and who my "published" blogs.

Contracted the Klez Virus. Found out that it's low-risk but I'm still very irritated by it. Curse those computer nerds who have nothing better to do with their miserable lives than to create viruses and cause inconvenience to so many innocent people. They should be banished to a secluded island where no form of technology is available. Rot their freaking lives away. Or get electrocuted as they are trying to "grow" their next worm. Suffer from radiation from exposure to computers. Wear thick glasses (wait a minute, they already do). Lose their sight. Whatever.

We had fun during dinner last night. I have not been spending much time with them for quite awhile and last night's dinner felt good. We joked and laughed and made a big commotion at the restaurant. All 13 of us. I even "conducted" a mini chior to sing the birthday song for Sam. He was so embarrassed by it.

SS will be coming back for her practicuum of 10 weeks. I will be her CT again. I agreed as I was thinking of the glorious 14 free periods that I will have if she took my English classes. Woohoo!! BM told me that I will be given other duties to handle, since I will have more time in my hands at that time. I had no objection at all. I mean, anything is better than stressing over "what to teach" for my English classes.

huh???? WIERD

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