I am not sure what I am pissed about now. Upon some reflection, I think he must have thought I would be supportive of the idea, since I love cats. But I have always felt that our house was not suitable for cats. I think I am mad because he simply went ahead with the decision to take in the kitten without consulting Mum and I. Well, he did consult me - through email, and I replied just a while ago. Then when he came home just now, voila!, the kitten was in the box.

This isn't the first time he has done something without consideration for the other beings who live in this same house. I am sick and tired of it.

He doesn't have the money to support a cat. It's a 6 to 10 year commitment (probably even more) when it comes to cats! I am sure it did not cross his mind at all when he brought the kitten home. By the way, its an ordinary stray kitten. The grey-with-black-stripes type that you can find everywhere. Though this kitten has got quite a remarkable background which I decline to explain any further in here.

I was so mad with him just now. Then when I walked past the dining area, I saw his shirt draped over the chair carelessly and that really made me even more angry. I went up, picked up the stinking sweaty shirt with my thumb and forefinger, and I swiftly dropped it onto the floor. I dont' give a shit.

Our living room furniture is already stained with hints of his odour (after he spent many nights "camping" out on the couch instead of sleeping in his room) and mind you, we've washed those cushion covers regularly. It's just that he will always wrap himself around the whole couch, whether or not he has bathed, and fall asleep on it. Urgh!!

Mum saw me dropping the shirt onto the floor. I just did it and I walked back into my room and closed the door. I felt guilty for doing it because I know that it must have upset her a little, but I really could not be bothered to pick up the shirt for that fellow. I hardly show my unhappiness at home in such hostile ways and tonight is one of those very rare times that she got to witness how hostile I can be. For that, I feel guilty.

But I'm still mad at him! For not considering mum and I and for simply insisting on his ways. For that, I can't bring myself to be friendly and cuddly to the kitten. It's not the kitten's fault, I know, but I also know that the minute I show affection to it, the minute he would think that he will be able to keep the cat. And the minute I show attention to the kitten, the minute I will fall in love with it and I will also find it hard to let go.

I must stay away. I will have to close my room door before I go out tomorrow. I have to protect my hamsters from being terrorized by the kitten.

He bought me so many gifts for Christmas! I got a Diesel Watch, a necklace, earrings and a bracelet from Perlini's from him. Was so excited when I opened each gift last night.

All I got him was a bottle of Armani Mania.

It's so easy to get gifts for girls isn't it? I have to crack my brains over what gifts to buy for him.

I found out that I will not be following 3e3 up to 4e3 next year to be their form teacher. I will be transferred over to 4e4 instead - for admin-constraints reasons. My students are going to be really upset. Personally, I don't really see any big dealm in the sense, I will see them the same amount of time. But I will not be handling their parents or their reports anymore. That's about it. But what I will really miss will be the things we will do together as a class. *sigh* I will miss them. The energy in 4e4 is so different from 4e3. Seriously, I will definitely prefer to follow my class up and be with them for 2 years. But it seems things are not possible. They will probably not like the 2 teachers put in for them. But they will get used to it, I believe. Audrey was lamenting away about the class t-shirt that they wanted to make and that they wanted to have my name on it and all that stuff. It's very sweet of them, but to be objective, it does not matter.

Still, I will miss them greatly.

It's Christmas and we're at home sleeping away. I tried to book for some movie tickets online but it seems like there are hundreds of others who are doing the same thing. What a chore...what a bore...

Decided not to book any tickets. We probably will not be allocated to the better seats anyway. I think we'll try to make our way down to the cinemas to try our luck instead.

Man, I'm so bored.

Mum has been going to this Traditional Javanese Massage Hut for massages to improve her shoulder. It seems to be working, though slowly. At least she gets a relaxing time there. I'm thinking of going for it myself, but I always seems to procrastinate when it comes to pampering myself. It's not cheap anyway.

Our new year resolution : to watch our diet and to exercise more. We've been eating anything we fancy and we don't count the calories nor the carbo content of what we consume. The result of it, big tummies. Both him and I. Furthermore, we don;'t exercise regularly. So for 2004, we resolve to take care of this aspect of our lives. Not to mention, to start saving money and not over-spend on the unnecessary.

I will be getting me "Connect Plan" payout at the end of next year. Its the money that they reward teachers for staying in the profession for a certain period of time. I have been teaching for 6 years now. It's amazing how much I've learnt in these 6 years and how quickly time flies. Well, I believe this Connect Plan promises something >$5K? Can't wait. I depend on these little bonuses to speed up my savings.

It's so difficult to save money. What I mean is, the rate at which your savings grows is really slow. Even if you diligently put aside a thousand a month. It's slow man.

We were in Bintan from 19 Dec to 22 Dec. It rained from 19th to 21st! I was so disappointed as I was looking forward to getting a tan from this trip. Anyway, there was a little bit of sun on Monday and I took the opportunity to sit out on the deck chairs to bake myself. I fell asleep in the cool sea breeze and I forgot to turn around. Now I am "half-cooked". Front of me is all burnt, my back is perfectly fine.

Nevertheless, I enjoyed the trip because of the beautiful beach and the buggy drives that I did.

I'm so bored I could just sit here and blog away the entire afternoon!

It was almost as if somebody had died. They were just so quiet that I really wondered if they were listening to me at all. Juliana was crying away, so was Dee. Ben looked sullen and Nicholas looked pissed. The rest...I can't explain.

I'm at my wits end. I am not sure what sort of strategy would work on these bunch of kids anymore. I've tried both hard and soft approach. I pep talked them, scolded them, threatened them, tried to made them understand...almost everything. It just does not seem to be working. They have their own cliques among themselves, to begin with, and that makes it difficult for the section to gel together. They have a ring leader, but this ring leader has an attitude problem.

I am lost. The leaders were at a lost too. I had to tell them to perservere on and not to give up. I had to tell them that they were already doing a great job and that they were not lousy leaders just based on one section of the band. The whole band looked so sullen and gloomy when I dismissed them just now. Then Libin and Andrew nearly got into a fight and they were shouting at each other. I had to talk to Libin and then I talked the Andrew. Then I talked to the percussion section.

I did so much talking tonight! I scolded, advised, encouraged, chided, pleaded...everything.

I'm so exhuasted. Physically and mentally. They drain heaps of my energy.

We brought the kids all the way to Kota Rainforest Resort to have the camp and it was a smashing success!! I am glad we did it. I am glad we took the option of taking them across that shaking bridge to have the campfire over at the campfire pit. Using the carpark would have been so very different. I lost my voice after the campfire due to the singing. Despite the loudhailer, I still had to raise my volume and I think I strained my voice too much. But it's worth it.

My brother just informed me that he managed to find a buyer for his car. I am very happy for him and I hope he will really sell it off. Expenses are just too high with this car. Hope that he will manged his finances better this time round and that he will not think of buying another car. Keeping my fingers crossed.

Kelvin just passed away this morning at 9:30am. I just found out. I feel very sad. Although I do not know him very well, the few times that we met up togther were enough for me to know him abit better.

He was so enthusiatic about volunteering for our camps. He wanted to do so much. He was enthusiastic about setting up the Amputee Club. He was enthusiastic about climbing mountains.

I don't know if he finally managed to complete that trekking trip that he talked about. I can't remember the last time we met him. We're not close friends. Maybe just acquaintances. But our acquaintance was sincere.

I hope he did not suffer too much. I pray and hope that he left with little pain.

Kelvin, Rest In Peace. We will always remember you.

Ok...will be flying off tomorrow morning at 6am. Leaving for the airport tonight at about 3am?

My luggage is half-packed. Good thing I bought that luggage bag. Looks like I will have space to put in some shopping and not have to lug extra bags home on the 17th. Will need to go out later to buy some other stuff. There is quite abit to plan for. I will need to empty the flash drive so that I can use it to store my photos in as well.

Got to go pack...

I did it! I spoke to him and I asked for permission to stay at my own place in the office. I told him that I really loved where I sit and it's like my second home and that I felt as if I was being chased out of my own house. I even told him that I cried. He smiled at me and said he had no problems with me sitting at the same place. However, he did warn me that I would need to move out if the office gets too cramped because of new staff. That was fine with me (it's actually very unlikely that we get new staff you see..)

I am so happy. I felt so relieved and the thought of having to stay back in school for library duty till 9pm did not seem so bad after that. My day was better and I felt brightened. It was great.

Do you sometimes feel like you just want to sit back and relax and just not do anything at all? I mean, knowing that you have so many responsibilities and so many things to do and these are the things that have pressing deadlines.

I am giving in to myself now. I feel I have been doing so many things for other people, or for work, that I have neglected myself. I'm not taking care of myself at all. I'm not eating well, not sleeping well, not drinking enough water...I just don't feel healthy - physically, mentally and emotionally. I long for a break. I want time to just not do anything and not have any deadlines and not have any worries.

I have emails to write. Phonecalls and interviews to make to the new volunteers. I need to check if I have all the info that we need to present to TeachMe on saturday for our meeting. I need to prepare for the Frisco trip. In every aspect.I I have not planned what to pack, what I need, how much money I need to bring, what we're going to do at the school, what we're going to present to the school, what we need to ask the school about, what materials do I need to bring along for the school trip, who's laptop are we bringing along? Argh...it's so endless.

And it's not like I get to rest after I come back from the trip. We're touching down on the 17th. I have SEM presentations on 18thj and 19th. Then staff seminar (in which we present what we've learnt during this school visit) from 20 - 21st. Then graduation night for the Sec 4s on 21st. Band practices as usual, band performance at MacRitchie on 29th, HFC Camp on 5-7Dec, 4N(A) exam results release on 18th, 19-22 Dec at Bintan (the only real holiday I will have), Band practice on 26th, Staff meeting on 26th too, Department meetings on 29th.

This is only a small picture of what I will be facing. I don't even dare to think about it. It's so much work!! It's almost overwhelming.

We got out namecards today. I need to bring my namecards along for the school visit in Frisco.

I also heard that I will need to move out of the staffroom to sit in another separate room next year. This is because of my new position in the school. I think it's fucking ridiculous. I was so upset I cried in school. I feel like I'm being chased out of my own home. I love where I sit right now. My friends are all near me. I cannot imagine coming back from lessons and not talking to them. It's the little bits everyday that I will miss and I cannot bear to have it taken away from me just like that. Just because I have a new position, I need to sit somewhere else and be unhappy. What's the whole point?! I would rather, very much rather, trade what I'm given with where I'm sitting now. I don't care about being the Deputy Dean. I value happiness at work much more than rank and all that crap. I'm not interested in moving up that bloody ladder. I really don't give a damn.

But do I have a choice? No. It's decided - the position. I will speak to him tomorrow and request to stay put at where I am. I know it's almost like a losing battle, but I will still try.

I feel so stressed just thinking about the things that I have to do.

System crashed twice yesterday. Now I have to bring home all the work to do. I'm so tired. Still have not planned the games for the camp and we need to show the rest the stuff TOMORROW.

Sigh..

Ok so I'm not that angry at her joining us for the trip anymore because I have rationalized it in me and come to a conclusion that she has no power to reject it even if she does not want to come along. I am still very pissed at him because I do not know his selection criteria for such events.

By the way, I will not be going to Hongkong for the school visits. Previously, it was changed to Melbourne. Then after a few weeks, now it's San Francisco. And I believe it's confirmed becuase the tickets have been booked already. We'll be flying off on 8th November and be back on the 17th. I felt like a ball being kicked around the globe! So many changes in the location of our visit. Anyway, now it's confirmed.

Do you know that the Diners Club credit card gets you to business class airport lounges at most airports around the world for free? I am thinking of getting one. We'll have to fly for 6 hours to Japan's Niigata airport for a 1.75 stop-over, and then we'll have a 16-hour flight to the Frisco airport. Think the lounge will be good for that 1.75 hours to relax, shower, etc.

I am more positive about this trip now. Nevermind that she is joining the two of us and tagging along. I will basically handle it very professionally with her. She's no longer a friend because she basically does not treat us like one. She's the type who will make use of you when the opportunity arises or when she needs to do so. That's not what you should do to a friend. So we've decided that we will be very professional about it and well, at least on my part, it will be strictly cordial. So this is why I am able to begin to feel positive about this trip.

Besides, this is a learning journey for me and I want to learn as much as I can from this school that we're visiting. How often do we get to see other schools in other countries? I will plan the details carefully and do all these for the benefit of my own professional development.

It was so frightening. I was watching him intently as she chided him for refusing his bottle. His face was cramped up as if he was in some sort of silent scream. My fear mounted as we watched and waited for him to let out his breathe. Those few seconds felt like minutes. Suddenly, he lurched backward and his face began to turn blue. He still had not made any noise although his mouth was wide open and his eyes were tightly shut. He looked like he was choking in his silent scream. Mother shouted at her and rushed towards her. I was so frightened that I really jumped up and the first thing I thought of was to call for a doctor. Things happened so quickly in the next few seconds. Before I knew it, he was in his father's arms and he had started letting out a long and loud scream (which was a good sign as he was finally BREATHING). Mother was still frantically trying to pat his back and was still screaming at her. She was upset too and she shouted back. With the baby crying (finally), mother almost in tears and the exchange of loud voices, the other child began to cry and I realised that in all our frenzy at the apparent life danger of the younger one, the older one witnessed a dreadful and very frightening scene. I scooped her up into my arms and took her into the room. She was crying loudly. I was trembling and was trying my best to calm her down as I struggled to calm my own frayed nerves. She sat in my arms and I rocked her through and fro, holding her close to me and I kept telling her that everything was ok and that I love her. Finally, I sat by the window and pointed out at the lights and the swimming pool below and managed to distract her. She stopped crying and I was then calm enough to sing to her. We sat by the window for quite sometime, then mother came into the room to see is she was alright.

I still feel the shivers when I recall the scene when Julian's face literally turned blue right before my eyes. I felt this sense of immense fear and hopelessness. I did not know what to do. I thought of calling for a doctor or rushing him to the nearest clinic but even that alone something told me that it would take too long. I really don't know what to do if he had not started crying at all. It was really really frightening. It's unimaginable.

After Rachel had stopped crying, I took her out to the living room. My sister had taken Julian (who had recovered) downstairs for a walk. Her in-laws came home and her mother-in-law took Rachel to bed. After some time, I decided to look for my sis downstairs. I was afraid that she too would be psychologically and emotionally affected by what had happened. She was stronger than I thought. She seemed ok when I saw her downstairs and Julian was fast asleep in her arms.

I sigh a huge sigh of relief within me. Had anything major happened just now, everyone would be devastated. I realise that the life of a young baby is so very fragile. Little accidents like that can happen anytime and help would be too far away. I asked my sister if she knew any basic first aid like CPR for babies. She said she knew. I think it is of utmost importance for any parent to have basic first aid skills. I cannot imagine myself every put in such a situation - I would be totally lost and frantic. My sister said something was very true. She said that the situation was a crucial one but the adults need to try to stay calm. If the adults are frantic and start shouting, the child would be even more frightened and that might worsen the situation.

This is one lesson that I have learnt today. Quite a few lessons in fact.
(1) Basic First Aid skills must be learnt and never be forgetten, especially when we become parents
(2) Always try to stay calm in an emergency
(3) Ensure that the child/children are taken care of too, as they are equally traumatised.

On the way home, I discussed the situation with mother and got her to understand that we must not over-react when something like that happens. I realised that she was traumatised too and I tried to calm her and to tell her that this was not the first time that Julian has "pulled such a stunt". It was the first time we were witnessing it for ourselves but I told her that my sister had handled this before and we should try to stay calm in future.

Today, I realise (or rather, I am reminded of) how much I love Julian and Rachel. And I felt the strong sense of sisterly support for my sister.

Mum's down with stomach flu and he's also down with flu. There's a virus going around! I hope I don't fall ill too cos I just cannot afford to miss any lessons this term.

The meeting went pretty well. I'm glad I know quite a good bit about outfoor activities, campfires and stuff so I could ask appropriate and direct questions to get what I need and also so that the vendor cannot smoke me at all.

I did so much housework just now so that mum can rest without having to worry about the laundry and the kitchen being in a mess. Feel so tired now. Had wanted to type out the content discussed in the meeting just now and then email it to the rest of the comm but I think I am too tired for that.

Will be sleeping soon...sweet dream baby...

She's pregnant! And I'm not even sure how long the babies will stay in her. Been told that there could be as many as 20 babies at one go(!) What am I to do with all the babies?

Anyone keen on having hamsters as pets? They're clean, noiseless, odourless, small, space-saving, cuddly, fascinating, responsive and not to mention extremely adorable!!

Gooooood morning!

It's a beautiful day. Life is beautiful.

Funny how sometimes I can allow myself to dwell in depression and then bring myself out of it so easily. Like I said before, it's all the mind. I can choose to be like this or like that. At times it's so hard to exercise that power of choice because sometimes we just feel so powerless.

Love is a natural emotion. When it is allowed to be expressed, and received, normally and naturally, without limitation or condition, inhibition or embarrassment, it does not require anything more. For the joy of love expressed and received in this way is sufficient unto itself. Yet love which has been conditioned, limited, warped by rules and regulations, rituals and restrictions, controlled, manitpulated, and withheld, becomes unnatural.

I want to go out but I don't know where to go. I need to take a walk but I can't think of anywhere nearby that is peaceful and not crowded. I have too many thoughts and I don't know who to share them with.

I have let myself be so consumed by all these that I have lost myself in it. A part of me tells me that I must be strong and not to falter. It tells me to look at others and then see and realise that my problems are not really problems. I don't have to be so bothered by them. I just need to unlearn and relearn.

I feel that no amount of counselling or talking can get me out of this because I know all the "textbook answers" to my "problems". (but then again sometimes I have been given advice that helped)

I think I just need to know one thing. Just one thing. I'm too afraid to ask for it because sometimes when you ask for something and you're told the answer, you can't tell whether it is said with sincerity or said for the sake of saying and for the sake of assurance. And sometimes you don't want to ask certain questions because you're not prepared for the worst case scenario.

What shall I do with the time I have tonight? I want to get out of here, but honestly, there isn't anywhere that is barely convenient to go to. I want to be at peace, but shopping centres and the streets are not peaceful places. I could take some loud thumping music, but no one (among my friends) frequents such places so often now.

I think I will sleep.

Pirates of the Carribean is VERY good. Was totally entertained from top to bottom.

We had so much fun today...let's do this more!

I tried to hold back my tears as she pressed and prodded my body. I am dead sure there are blue black marks on my back now. The price to pay to take away the constant back aches...so I grit my teeth and endured the pain. She twisted my neck too and there were cracking sounds coming from my neck from places where I never thought would produce such loud sounds. It felt good.

I took a walk from Beach Road to Bugis after that. I walked with a faint sense of direction and found myself along Arab street and Jalan Sultan. Came across some very old shophouses and wished I had my camera with me. I also came across the YKK Zipper wholesale store (well, it looked like the wholesale store) and I bought a large supply of blue and cream coloured hair ribbons for my band members.

It felt good to be walking with that faint sense of direction, not knowing exactly where you're headed and yet knowing that you're not completely lost. It felt good to just walk and feel the breeze in your face (admist the exhaust fumes from the buses and motocycles along the road). It was a very "touristy" feel. In fact, I was disappointed to have to enter Bugis junction and to be walking in the shopping complex, to have to be on the MRT instead of walking. But I needed to get to west mall and my back was really sore so I guess I had not much of a choice. Being in more populated places like the shopping complex, the bus and the mrt was very claustrophobic for me. I very much prefer to be walking out on the street (it mustn't be a busy one, though) feeling the sun in my face and taking in the occasion fragrance of the roti prata and curry when I walk past a coffeeshop.

I understand what I means to want some solitude space. I've been having it now and then, whenever I am alone (like for today) and I enjoy it quite abit. (That is why I like to shop alone.) To just go where I want to go and to not have to talk at all. True you can do this (walk around aimlessly and not talk) with someone next to you but it's not entirely the same. It's fun with some company when both enjoy doing the same things, but sometimes we just want to be with ourselves, by ourselves.

I realise that I have this space whenever I am on holiday and he's at work. I have the whole day to myself and I very much do whatever I want to do with it. I could stay in bed all morning, watch tv all afternoon or do housework, or type worksheets, or go out and walk around town aimslessly, get a manicure, or go for a facial. Anything at all. And when he knocks off at 5pm, I'd be waiting for his call or calling him to arrange to meet up. The balance, for me, is just right ( I think, for now)

I realised that it's not exactly the same for him. While I have and enjoy my solitude and space, he's at work. When I've spent enough of the day on my own and I'm ready for some company, he's just knocked off and things fall in place for me. In fact, I look forward to meeting him at the end of the day. Coupled with the personal space I had in the day, it's pretty much just right for me. When I think through his schedule, I think I have more of such space than he does, especially right now during my holidays. Maybe in the past he did not really feel that he is occupied with other things 24/7 because he used to have rather long-term MCs to stay home and rest. That was time where he could be with himself while I was busy at work. Although it's time spent at home, it's time spend alone, nevertheless.

Oh well, these are just some thoughts that ran through my mind while I was out on my own today. I think it's a healthy thing for my mind too. Am I keen to see him at the end of the day - sure! But if we do not, I'm fine and I think it's a good thing too. Like I told him last night - maybe we spend too much time with each other (?)

By the way, last night was good dear...

I think I am going to just burst.

They say knowing a person is like peeling an onion. Ypu discover a different colour gradient and texture at each layer that you peel off. Layer after layer.

Sometimes I just want to go back to being the raw, unpeeled union. Mysterious, safe, maybe intriguing, sheltered. Is it a good idea to allow yourself to be peeled? Am I too transparent and predictable?

I think I am facing an identity crisis. I don't know who I am sometimes.

I feel so sad now.

Somehow, it's not the same anymore. I guess things change, life changes, nothing stays the same.

I think I'm afraid. But I also think that I can be brave. But one thing is certain - I'm not sure.

KKY

I know you're suffering inside. You have not told many others but those whom you confided in are concerned enough to tell me about you. Please don't do anything that will harm yourself even more. I am here. Let's go out and breathe in the fresh air together? You can share your burdens with me and I will try to find a way out for you. You shouldn't have to go through so much at your age. Life should be full of laughter for you. Don't cry. Don't hold it all inside. Don't wallow in your own little mind and think that everything is going down. I'm here. I can sit at the rock bottom with you and we can talk it out. Or I can throw you a rope and pull you out of the pits. Whatever it is, I'm here.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

I checked out the websites and found out that I will need some sort of visitor card in order to see you. It seems only family members have the card and I need to accompany your mother in order to be able to see you. I will call up and ask again. I'm not even sure where you are exactly because I found out that there are so many other places like these in Singapore. I pray that you will learn your lesson while you're there. I hope that you will extend the kind of commitment you have proven to me to your life and to those who love you. You've hurt your mum deeply. Your family seems to have gone into seclusion. Anyway, I believe in you. I believe that you are inherently a good person deep inside because I've seen that side of you. Because I know this, I have shed tears for you on many occasions when I hear that you are not being who you can be. You seem so schizo to me. I've never been able to see the side of you that got you where you are now. I only pray now that you are remorseful for whatever that has happened and that you are waiting to be out again to begin a new life. I hope that you are not resentful towards what has happened and I hope you're not angry or still blinded by your follies. We are all here waiting for your return, ready to extend our friendship, care and concern to you again. Be patient. Be humble

I did it! I finished setting the year-end exam papers! Now I just need to get it vetted and make the minor adjustments here and there. Phew...it's a load off my mind now and at least I know I can concentrate on other things during the Sept holidays. I feel so empowered, so disciplined, so on-the-ball! Woohoo!

I seem to blog more when I'm sick and trapped at home. Got the loose shits this morning and need to monitor it all very closely now. If it's still the same in the noon, I need to see Dr Tay again.

I am so worried about school. I thought I would be able to go to work today but my fever was still there this morning and I could not wake up. *sigh* How am I going to complete the syllabus? Got to do some planning tomorrow and get the 2 classes to come back for mass lectures in the AVT. But there are several problems...

1) I do not have any free period tomorrow to do the planning
2) I'm not too sure if I can use the AVT as it may be logistically not feasible to conduct maths lessons there
3) I need to make arrangements so that ALL the students can come for the lesson.
4) I need to plan it in such a way that I will somehow be able to steal on or two days of absolute leave.
5) I can't plan it on band practice days/times as many of the students in these 2 classes are band members.

Argh...the constraints I face.

Things to do tomorrow :
1) Fax Karmen and Yu Kun's NCO Camp forms to CCA Branch
2) Arrange extra lessons for next week
3) Speak to Mrs G and Mdm Y about cutting syllabus for exam (though I think its unlikely cos they're so fast! They probably completed theirs..)
4) Look for Zafirah to get her Edusave Deduction form and pass her the ticket
5) Find another 2 people to attend the concert so that I can get rid of the last 2 tickets.
6) Submit all edusave forms to Mr Singh
7) Call Mr Yap of Kreta Ayer CC to discuss fund-raising concert in Dec.
8) Call Victoria Concert Hall to book dates and time of concert.
9) Sign CA Reports and issue them to my class
10) Teach.

I am on 2 days of medical leave. Felt awful last night. Was shivering uncontrollably under 2 blankets and my whole body was aching. Had a fever too. Shivers were gone this morning but the fever measured at 38.4. Dr Tay gave me only panadol, vitamin C and cold medicine and sent me home to sleep. I feel better now after the rest. But fever is still here...though lower at 37.3.

This reminds me of my fever days during the sars period. *shivers* don't ever want to go through that again man...

M messaged me just now and said that our trip to Hong Kong has been changed to Australia instead. I do not know why and I am waiting for her reply. See? This school changes things at the blink of an eye. I feel like a puppet being pushed here and there.

Anyway, they're having the UG meeting in school right now and I'm glad I'm not there. Let HT go take the minutes and type the stuff out. She loves working for him and carrying balls.

How am I going to complete the syllabus now that I'm down with flu and need to stay home? I'm so worried.

I am feeling chills all over my body and am also feeling sore all over. Body aches. Wonder why.

I have mixed feelings about my professional life for the coming year. I feel as if I'm being pushed into a corner where I can decide what I want for myself. I feel robbed of my well-deserved rest in December. I am fearful of the immense stress that I will face having to juggle so many things at a time. I feel repulsive having to carry out duties for the sake of it being a duty and to have no personal desire nor motivation to work at it. I am also excited to be able to be in a position where I could possible affect the way certain things are done in my school (but then again, this might just be an illusion...I could just be another of the boss's pawn)

Right now, I am having a headache and my body is aching all over. My hands and feet are icy cold and I don't know why. I think I will go to bed soon.

Had a good time catching up with you girls tonight.

Tonight's the only night in 60 thousand years where you can see Mars when you look up into the sky. My students were the ones who told me about it and they said it would be beside the moon. Somehow I was given the impression that it would look as big as the moon. It all sounded so exciting!

I was so happy that he actually made plans to go planet-gazing with me tonight. We had dinner and then went to east coast to catch Mars. He said that we should look out for something bright and red and that got me even more excited..can you imagine!? Something as big as the moon, very bright and red in colour somemore!! Woo hoo!! I was all prepared to catch this phenomenon that will only happen again in 284 years.

You should have seen the sheer size of that planet in the sky. It was awesome. So awesome that it took us a couple of seconds to decide and conclude that we were looking at the right thing. Man...was I disappointed....it was bright - yes, it was red - yes, but it was so insignificantly tiny! (as compared to what I was prepared to feast my eyes on...) Anyway, he took out his camera and we used the super zoom lens to get a clearer look at the planet. Then it wasn't so bad cos it looked better on zoom because I could see the round shape. It looks like red peanut.

We sat there for awhile just star-gazing and spying on the ships out at East Coast with the zoom. Then this group of guys came along and walked pass us. The first thing one of the guys said when he looked up at Mars was "So small ah!!??" and that really tickled us. I guess everyone's expecting some special planet show or something...the newspapers might have played it up a little too much...cheat my feelings!

Nevertheless, I had a great time tonight. I love him.

It's been such a long time since I last posted anything in here. More than a month!

So much has happened since then. Mostly to do with work and how unhappy most of us are at work. The management is changing and we can't seem to feel where the school stands now and what direction it's heading towards. I am being offered (or rather, being pushed into it) a higher position next year (at no extra pay) and I am also going to be sent to Hong Kong for about 2 weeks to learn from the schools there.

Some may say it's a great thing. When else in your teaching career will you get to be sent abroad? Getting promoted? Just take it! It's an opportunity and etc etc...but you don't know the shit that I'd be going into. I'm not going to discuss these in detail here for the fear of getting my ass burnt should any net savvy friend of my boss read and finds out about my personal thoughts. Yes, it's THAT terrible now...

2 colleagues are no longer with the school. MOE has ordered for their immediate exile from the school grounds and they are now at home waiting to be judged for their wrongdoings. I do not pity them for what they did was wrong. However I do feel sorry for their family members for they are the ones who will suffer.

Wow there's just so much to write I think I can't blog all the juicy details down or I will not be able to sleep tonight!

It's quality, not quantity.
It's togetherness, yet individualistic.
It's opening, not bottling.

I had a great time tonight.

We went back to his place after work so that he could take a shower. Devoured 2 durians before we went out for dinner. Had a hard time searching through the Makan Sutra that we bought and deciding where to eat. Finally, we chucked the Sutra aside and decided to go to Cafe211 at Holland V for dinner. Too bad we could not sit in the al fresco area as the sky was threatening to rain. But we managed to get a seat in the sheltered area outside for my coffee after dinner. I learnt that it takes this certain fixed amount of seconds, after you see lightning flash across the sky, for the thunder to be heard. It comes in "sixes", as in, 6 seconds, 16 seconds, 26 seconds, etc. We sat there and counted the seconds till we heard the thunder roll after the lightning. IT was almost accurate! Now that's cool man...

After dinner we went downstairs and he bought his usual magazine. We went for a drive and drove all the way to MacRitchie reservior where we saw one of the most beautiful full moons against a picturesque foreground of trees. It was romantic...but we did not saty long cos we were parked in a one-way lane and had to go off after one car drove in as well. Nevertheless, it was beautiful.

We drove into Caldecott Hill after that. Actually, we were just driving around the private estate there and we were looking at the huge bungalows there. There was this one particular one that really made my jaw drop. It was someone's house but it looked more like some country club. The high roman pillars and the driveway, the balcony and those ceiling fans, the carefully maintained garden with the articifial waterfall and pond...it was really breathtaking. We just sat in our car and stared in awe at the majesty of the house. My god ,what do these people do for a living to earn that kind of money to afford that kind of house?? Not that we're envious or jealous or what...we're realistic and we know what we can and cannot afford. But it's just quite nice to daydream and fantasize about these houses. Hehe...

I was so sleepy after that and he told me to take a nap while he drove me home. Then I woke up and we were on the top of Bt Batok Hill (decided to name that place that). He just sat there and let me nap...it was very sweet of him and I felt very comfy and safe. Then at about 11pm, he drove me home...

I had such a great time tonight...

It feels so good to be near you, to be able to see you at the end of a tiring day.

Bad things are happening in school now. Bad bad things regarding the staff. I feel very sad. It's an emotionally draining day...mentally draining too... I spoke to 2 parents and 3 students separately and there was just so much counselling to do. So much listening and so much counselling. And I am at the same time rather affected by what I learnt about some of my students. I see some of them in need to guidance and assistance and they are so lost in their growing up that its coming out all wrong for them. I believe I can help if I get to talk to her but right this moment, she's not even coming to school, not going home. I just feel so sad that such a bright girl is so affected by her problems that she is doing this to herself. She really has no one to turn to.

I don't claim myself to be the teacher with the biggest ears or the widest embrace, but whenever my students need help, I try my best to make sure I am there. I feel sad when I see them so lost.

It will be a hectic day tomorrow. Really hectic. I don't look forward to school...

I spent $70 buying coloured pens and chocolates for my form class. I pepped talk them today about their results, which were not good at all. They were rather affected. I guess they needed to see how serious it was and how badly they performed as a class to realise that they needed to pull up their socks this semester. Anyway, will be giving out the pen together with the report book tomorrow. The top 10 in class will get the chocolates. After the scolding...must give some encouragement. I thought I writing a little note for them, drawing a little card or something...but I think I don't have that kind of energy tonight...so, just the pens will do...

We saw T3 today. Not impressive. Nothing new nor different from the past 2 episodes. The machines "die" in almost the same ways! Would have liked to see a battle between man and machines or something, but it was still the same plot. Mercury Woman (not man, cos T2 was Mercury Man) runs after John Conner to kill him, Arnie the corny machine saves the day although he is (as always) the 286 compared to the Mercury's Pentium4.

We overslept last night! We were supposed to take that quick nap, and then wake up at 11:30pm so that I could go home. When he woke me up in the middle of the night, it was already 2:45am. Nevertheless, he sent me home because it's a school day today (how we wished it was still the hols).

The rehearsal at VCH just now was good. I think the morale of the band has gone up because they sounded good in the concert hall. The rehearsal at NYP was no where near how we played today. The money (for booking the hall for 2 hours, which is about $536) was well-spent! Not only did we gain the experience of playing at the hall, our confidence was boosted and everyone went home happy. Now we're all praying hard and keeping our fingers crossed real tightly for the SYF. Honestly, I think the band is a bronze. If we're lucky and play exceptionally well on the competition day, we could even hit a silver! But I'm not counting the chickens till they hatch....not going to stress the band up just for the award and stuff.

It's normal school day tomorrow, although we only dismissed the kids at about 10:45pm from the school gate. I had to sit and wait till the last students' parents came to fetch her home. And that was about 11:00pm. Surprisingly, I don't feel so tired now. Not even the least bit sleepy! But I think I will go to bed early cos he will be coming to pick me up to go to work tomorrow morning.

He finished his last hyperbaric treatment at the NDU today. The little ulcer/blister/sinus actually responded to the treatment and it healed! The strangest thing was, about 2 weeks ago, a small black piece of surgery thread actually came out of that sinus! It was amazing! It must have been this little dislodged thread that was causing all the pus and making it impossible for the wound to heal. Well, now that it is out, the wound actually closed up and right now, there isn't any more open blister at all! The skin has grown over the wound and it's healing well, though its still quite tender. This is SO wonderful!! No more putting of the gauze on the wound, no more worries about whether it's safe to swim or not, no more worries about whether it will get any worse, or whether it was a more serious infection or whatever. It's healed!

Pack Pack Pack!!!

It's Youth Day today and its supposed to be a school holiday. But I am still going to school because I have band practice from 8am till 10am. The SYF competition is coming and we simply cannot afford to miss any practice anymore.

I can't believe I am working on a holiday! But then again, I will be able to do alot of the things that I did not get to do over the holidays...

Life comes to a standstill when you do not have any certainty about the future. Do we feel more comfortable knowing what's going to happen tomorrow? Or will life be more exciting if we lived it just for today and not bother about tomorrow? Plans. I think we can live life on the edge and not be bothered about what will happen tomorrow, but we cannot do without making plans. You can't just decide to spend every single cent today in the name of "living for the day" and not care nor plan about what you will need for tomorrow, can you? The uncertainty lies in the unexpected twist of things happening. It doesn't lie in not making any plans on purpose.

I have so much to say but I don't know where to begin. Will it be a good thing to record it all down here or should we just let time help our memory of it fade away? After all, it wasn't something pleasant that I want to remember about. I guess I'll just talk about my feelings here.

It's an uneasy feeling and definitely one that does not feel good. I hate to feel this way. There are so many things I do not understand. Is it a "Men are from Venus and Women are from Mars" issue? I tried to control myself but I could not do so last night. I couldn't be natural if I was bothered. I can't act and go against my true feelings. At times like these, I suddenly find that whatever I say comes out wrong and words can be mistaken easily. It was difficult trying to search for the correct phrases to truely convey my thoughts, because all the wild questions and "petty thoughts" were going through my mind like crazy. It was almost a feat to be able to control my mind and let it be calm.

We talked about things for hours last night. We both got emotional about it too. He promised that he will remember everything that we talked about last night. We agreed that what we had was special and neither one of us want to let it go at all. A small matter like this won't tear us apart. Basically because it's still a small matter at the current stage. I think, on one hand I may be oversensitive about it all, but on the other hand, if things continued the way they were going, the issue would become one that will be so great that we, our relationship, would be terribly wounded from it. Was it the right thing to do to nip it in the bud? I certainly think so.

I'm not prepared to go through the whole thing about "Let it go and if it comes back it's truely yours" That's bullshit. I've been there before and I know its all bullshit. You let it go and it runs wild. Who's hurt? You. Who's waiting? You. Who's remaining faithful and hopeful? You. Who really cares about the relationship? You. And then there will be a point on time you will realise that while the other party is out in the field having a ball, you're still sitting in your little nest waiting hopefully for him to fly back. You will realise, "Why wait when you have wings to fly too?". This little story stretched over one year for me in 2000. Now that I know how the story should end, I'll probably just go straight to the end if it ever has to happen. Isn't that the most logical thing to do, anyway?

I was touched last night. We realised how important we are to each other.

I've not been blogging for so long. I might never do so again.

It's independence day today.

Hmmm...new template I see here for blogging...

I spent the whole day in school today preparing for the camp items. I'm exhausted man...I did the camp booklet, the name tags, the food order, the finalized camp participant list...everything. But the great feeling is that everything for the camp is 90% done! What a relief...

Working with the 2 female staff from the organization is so much easier. I think the rapport seems to have been built over the past few phonecalls and emails. It really seems to me that the REAL camp commandant, this B guy, is so terribly out of the picture that he may jolly well be considered as redundant. He dictates during the meetings and he's so good at shooting arrows out that he has nothing to do for the camp at all, or at least from my point of view over here - everything seems to be done by either F or S!

Have a wedding dinner to attend tonight. Wei Qing, my acjc-cum-nus friend. She's the second in our "group" to get married, the first was Joyce. Let's hope there will be something different for her wedding and not the usual boring procedures and all...

How will YOUR wedding be different?

It really nagged at the back of my mind when I realised that something was going on, something that I was not supposed to know until later. When I found out about it, my hands and feet turned cold. That's a normal reaction for me when I'm nervous. I tried to stay calm and I tried not to think about it. I tried not to imagine things at all. I tried not to let it happen but it really awoke this part of me that has been asleep for a long long time. I was faced with a situation of "being the last to know". Of being stupid to believe something else when the real thing was happening.

I really don't like this feeling. I don't see why I have to be made to feel this way. I don't see why things have to be done this way. I can think of so many other alternative ways in which the whole thing can be replayed and everything turns out well and everyone is happy, so why do things have to happen in this way? The same way it has happened to me so many times in the past?

I was wondering to myself after the movie just now - is it the situation, or is it just me? Do I have the "Hey over here!! Hurt ME!!!" look? Or do I come across as someone whom one can afford to hurt over and over again and "she will just come back"? All these thoughts ran through my mind and I kicked myself for treating myself this way, for allowing, time and again, such things to happen to me. Do I allow it to happen, or is it just my luck that it always happens this way to me?

I don't ask for much. I don't demand for things to be done my way. In fact, I don't demand for anything at all. I'll consider myself as a very easy-going and low-maintenance kind of girl. I just want to be treated fairly. I want to be treated the way I treat you. I don't want to hurt. I know it's inevitable and that hurts are part and parcel of couple-life, but hurt can come in many forms and can be caused by many factors. I don't ever want to be hurt because of another person, because I think I had enough of such hurts from the past to last me a lifetime.

I tried hard to control myself over the phone just now. I tried to make you understand and I hope you understand what I was/am trying to say. I think I did not do such a good job in handling the phonecall and in handling my emotions. It wasn't supposed to come out that way. This is actually such a small matter and I didn't want to make it like some big fat deal. But I had to let you know how I felt about the whole thing. I don't want to bottle things up because it's not healthy for the both of us.

I feel so better after talking ahout it.

I received the following article through an email from Prakash, my Nepali friend whom I met while I was in Nepal in 2000.

If you've been to Nepal before, you'd be able to fully understand what he means when he talks about the people and especially the children.

Betraying the American Revolution in Nepal:
The Hypocrisy and Harm of US Policy
By Ramesh Burathoki
Student, Tribhuvan University
Nepal

Few Americans are aware of Nepal, much less that it is the site of a civil war. The American media, when they report on my country at all, serve up misleading propaganda in support of US imperialism. Nepal is not, as reported, a democracy. The army and police answer only to the King, who has the power to dismiss the democratically elected parliament and, did so in October 2002. There has breen armed struggle between the Royalist Forces of the Shah dynasty and Maoist rebels. George W. Bush, Dick Cheney, Colin Powell, Condoleeza Rice, Christine Rocca and the other architects of US foreign policy would like the world to believe that the King and his forces are the 'good guys' and the Maoists the 'bad guys.' For those who wish to see through the distortions, simplifications and self-serving lies, here is the truth.

A ceasefire is now in effect and negotiations between the Maoists and the Palace are ongoing, but the constitutionally elected officers dismissed last October are not permitted to participate.

His Royal Highness King Gyanendra Bir Bikram Shah Dev took the throne a year and a half ago after his brother, King Birendra, his wife, sons, daughter and dog were slain at the palace. Gyanendra's son Paras, himself previously implicated in several murders and rapes and having been dismissed from university in the UK for drugs offences, and his mother were present but miraculously survived the carnage that killed Birendra's entire family. The official version is that Crown Prince Dependra slaughtered his family and shot himself in the left temple, although he was right handed, then hid the pistol 10 metres away; no Nepali believes it. Gyanendra then obtained the crown and the family's estimated $650 million private fortune, as well as
the 20% of our national budget devoted to his stylish upkeep.

Nepal is one of the world's poorest nations, with a per capita GDP of $210. In purchasing power parity, this would be the equivalent of $1327 per person for Nepalis, against $35,401 for Americans and $2358 for Indians. Most Nepalis live in rural villages without electricity, telephones, plumbing, education or health care. Life expectancy in some areas is 36 years; overall it is 59, against 63 for India and 77 for the US. Babies often die from polio, tetanus and other diseases, and 91% are born without medical assistance. Nepali women face a lifetime risk of 1 in 21 of death while giving birth, while Indian women have a 1 in 55 risk and Americans 1 in 470.
People often have to walk miles up and down mountains to fetch water and live several days' walk from the nearest road. Half are illiterate. A house is an unheated hut with no glass or screens upon the windows, and the toilet is the field. Most Nepalis are subsistence farmers who till their tiny fields by hand or with oxen, living medieval lives in the 21st century.

Foreign aid pours in, mostly from Europe and Japan, but less than 5% ever reaches the people. Government officials steal the rest. Roads, irrigation projects, schools, health clinics and other facilities never find their way from the grandiose plans, used by our government to bamboozle donors, to the backward villages. Our poverty is their sales pitch. Donated medical equipment is sold on the black market, so the few hospitals we have lack even the most basic equipment. The US has over 100 times more doctors per capita than Nepal, and most of the ones we have are greedy and incompetent, and live in the cities where they treat only those few who can pay. Bribery is the lubricant without which nothing in government happens.

Our police and army extort money from villagers. They visit weddings and rape the brides. They gun down groups of children and summarily execute suspected Maoist collaborators, usually on the flimsiest pretexts. They torture suspected Maoists or collaborators, often by forcing them to watch soldiers rape their wives or daughters. All this is done to force upon the people a King and government that over 90% fear and detest. American and Belgian arms companies greedily supply the weapons used for such human rights abuses, and the US funds the King's attempt to maintain his hold on power and frustrate the will of the people. Now, the US and Nepal have signed an agreement to shield one another's nationals from the International Criminal Court, assuring that the torturers, murderers and rapists will never be brought to justice, giving further incentive to the brutal antidemocratic royalist forces. Over 150 journalists have been jailed or murdered to keep the world from knowing the truth. My writing this essay could lead to my imprisonment or death, but my silence would contribute to the veil of ignorance behind which those who exploit and abuse the gentle people of my land operate. Despite condemnation of the atrocities by Amnesty
International and the EU Parliament, westerners continue to support the oppression of Nepal. While the well-publicised use of adolescent soldiers and attacks on military personnel by the Maoist forces are regrettable, they pale in comparison to the large-scale, hushed-up atrocities of the Royalists.

The Royal Nepal Army has announced that it will "use any means necessary against those who insult the King." The police were ordered by the royally appointed Home Minister to "break the bones" of peaceful unarmed protesters, and recently shot down a group of students, provoking weeks of strikes and protests which were also dealt with cruelly.

The King and government officials lead lives of luxury while children die for lack of a few rupees' worth of medicine. They drink champagne while children drink water tainted with bacteria and arsenic. Sixty percent of Nepalis lack safe drinking water, and 54% of children are chronically malnourished. The children of the elite go to the US or Europe to school while village children go to work at age 5, never learning even to sign their names. I was fortunate: my father was a mercenary in the British army, so I was able to have a western education. Joining the British or Indian armies for men, and prostitution in India for women, are the only ways out of poverty so dire that most Nepalis would gladly trade places with an American dog or cat. The high-caste, Indo-Aryan Hindu Brahmins and Chhetris dominate commerce, education and the professions, systematically excluding the lower castes, people of Mongolian heritage, and Buddhists. There is now great alarm within the government over conversion of Dalits, or untouchables, to Christianity. Proselytising for Christianity is a crime in Nepal, but the 25% of the population constituted by the Dalits has suffered
horribly at the hands of the officially Hindu government, with an average annual income of $39. Meanwhile the King, who claims to be, and demands to be worshipped as, a god bestows favor upon his cronies.

So why did US Ambassador Michael Malinowski object when the King expressed an interest in negotiating with the Maoists to allow multi-party rule and bring peace to his impoverished, war-torn kingdom? Could it have anything to do with the recent contract with American oil companies to drill in south Nepal? Is that why the US government labeled the Maoists 'terrorists' and told the King to fight on? Given the fact that Mr. Bush's dread 'axis of evil' seems always and everywhere to run parallel to oil pipelines, it's a safe wager. After all, Saddam Hussain, the Bushes' erstwhile client and current demon du jour, has done far more good for his people in a few years than the Shah family has for ours in two centuries. Before you bombed their power and water plants and hospitals and imposed your sanctions, he had developed the kind of impressive educational, health care and utilities infrastructures that we can only dream of. Saddam is a thug and tyrant by anyone's reckoning, but your newfound concern for his ethical shortcomings has yet to extend to Gyanendra. The US is repeating its pattern of support for such brutal dictators as Pahlavi (the Shah of Iran, whose cruelty gave rise to Muslim militancy), Somoza, Noriega, Marcos and Pinochet.

Yes, there are some good Americans in Nepal, teachers and doctors and Peace Corps workers, whose courage, sacrifice and compassion inspire us, but their contributions cannot begin to offset the damage done by your foreign policy. It is interesting that American conservatives rightly condemned the Taliban's persecution of Christian missionaries, but Nepal's religious policies are met with a stony, dishonest silence. Consider this: the grievances that led the founders of your country to rebel against King George III were downright trivial compared with the grievances of the Nepalese people. A modest tea tax and quartering of troops are nothing compared with the privations and miseries of my country. You elect your leaders (well, usually), while ours are forced on us. Although I'm merely abrown-skinned, slanty-eyed, low-caste Buddhist, I learnt about Jesus in the UK. I read with admiration the Gospels your Mr. Bush says changed his heart. But I'm confused. He cannot possibly be talking about the same chap who said to love your enemies, love your neighbour as yourself, turn the other cheek, feed the hungry and care for the sick.

We do not want your SUVs (although your highly paid NGO officials here tool around in them), shopping malls, palatial houses, nuclear weapons and colour TVs. We would consider ourselves very blessed to have enough goat milk, rice and lentils to keep us alive, an open air school so our children could learn essential skills, a doctor to deliver and immunise our babies and a well to provide clean water in our village. Compared with your need to exploit any oil we might have to fuel your petrol-guzzling behemoths and massive homes, do the lives of our humble people count at all in your geopolitical and economic calculus? Did you learn anything in Vietnam about trying to force an undemocratic, elitist government on an unwilling populace? Are the ideals of liberty so stirringly enunciated in your Declaration of Independence for you only, or for all of God's children? Do the words of your Jesus mean anything at all? If so, and if you are unwilling to help us, at least leave us alone and let us govern ourselves as we see fit. We do not want your military advisors and CIA agents and M-16 rifles and night vision goggles; we would rather have doctors and teachers and medicines and books. What would George Washington and Jesus do?

If you want to help, write letters to the editor in your publications , let your elected officials know that you are concerned about the disappearance of democracy in Nepal, and spread the word that the Nepalese people want to leave the middle ages and join the world of the free.

I have many things to do!! My exam papers have come in today for marking. That can still hold out for some time.

I am stressed and worried about the coming camp! Don't seem to get very good support from the other side. Have been asking for updates on the participant's details as they are crucial for planning of activities. But they have not responded back to me! What's going on man!? I am working too and I do not have the time during office hours to call them to ask for such things. After all, this is not my job and I should not be using my office hours to do my volunteer stuff! And when I want to settle down in the evening to do all these at home, I don't have the neccessary information that I need.

Camp is in about 1 month's time. Stressed!!!!

I was so exhausted today. Practically had lessons from 7:30am all the way till 5:30pm. Non-stop! My only free periods were the first 2 of the day and I spent it coaching one of my students who had to be sent home for a high body temperature. This girl has a regular high body temperature and she is not ill. But according to the MOE regulations, she had to be sent home as her temperature was at 37.7 today. She was already sent home yesterday for having a temperature of 37.6. Anyway, I sat down with her in the canteen and went through the maths past-year papers with her before she went home - so that she would lat least have some revision and time with me for questions and all that.

After spending those 2 periods with her, she was sent home and I began going to class for lessons. That was 9am. At 2pm, I was really feeling the exhaustion from standing and speaking for such a long time. I did not have any break - even recess was filled with students who had problems and papers to clear, marks to key in and so on. At 2pm, I told my students that I would see them at 2:15pm and I quickly rushed back to the staffroom to have a quick coffee and 2 slices of bread. Then I went back to the classroom to sit down with a small group of students who wanted to go through revision for the exams. I brought my coffee along with me and managed tro stay awake. It wasn't a bad session - I wasn't feeling so exhausted. I was sitting down with them and we were going through problem after problem for ttheir Emaths exams on Thursday.

When I finally finished with them at 5:30pm, I went back to the staffroom to work. I had to key in all the CA marks for Term 2 into the computer system and I had to get it done by tomorrow since I won't be around.

What a day.....

Oh, what was really nice about the day was that we had breakfast together before he sent me to school! :-)

Exams start on Thursday!! Whooppee!!! That means no more teaching until July! Woohoo!!!! What a relief!

My papers come in this Thursday too. Big thank you to the Exam Committee for arranging for the Emaths paper for that day! This gives me lots of time to complete my marking and I can do it at my own pleasure and pace. Got the whole of June to mark! I don't think I will ever get such a luxury again in my entire teaching career - all thanks to sars.

My UPA leave for this Wednesday was approved by the P. Tomorrow will be the final day for any revision for Maths and I have yet to let my students know. I think they will panic. Then again, they mustn't be too reliant on me, right?

Meeting Jonathan and Boon Hiong tomorrow evening at West Mall to discuss Jonathan's wedding ceremony details. With me and Boon Hiong being the emcees, I think we'll have a good time disturbing the couple! But then again...hmm...don't know his wife too well so it may not work out. Besides, the rest of the invited guests from our group (colleagues from my school) are not the type that will be game for games. It may even be boring...you know, the usual stuff and the usual procedures. I think weddings should be fun and lively! Provided the couple is sporting...

It must have been PMS. It distorts my rationality. I feel much better now! :-)

I have 3 weddings to attend in June! This is a record for me. I can't attend one of them and that is kind of a relief on my pocket. Jonathan has asked me to be the emcee for his wedding dinner. He had wanted me to do the Mandarin part and I nearly freaked out. Anyways, we've settled that I will do the English part.

The flow's been pretty heavy these 2 days. Don't think I've had such heavy going flow in the recent months.

Mum's going for the day surgery at Mt Alvernia this coming Wednesday. I will apply for UPA leave to be with her. Hope it will be a smooth and simple one. Just realised that we're doing the staff training for the resutls entry in the school cockpit system on Wednesday. Some of my students will also be looking for me for last minute revision for their maths papers on Thursday. Wednesday does not look like a good day to be away from school. But my mum's more important than all else!!

I feel as if we've not really spent quality time with each other over the past 3 days or so although we did meet up. I think it's because we've been meeting up after work and rather late too and I am always very tired and drained of energy. My period is giving me the cramps and I don't like this feeling. It's uncomfortable and painful. I feel bloated and my lower abdomen just feels swollen and tight. My thighs are aching too and so is my back.

Think it's PMS I've been having over the past 2 days...all the unnecessary but very real and very "me" kind of anxiety was just coming at me.

Sometimes I cannot tell if it's my past or is it just me that makes me feel all this anxiety and fear. If I had not gone through all that in the past, would I feel this way and feel like that? Would I have more confidence than now?

I miss you baby....

How shall I put it? hmmm....

I am happy and excited about the new lifestyle now, but at the same time I have fears too. I think that sometimes I am just too affected by my past. These old familiar feelings come back to haunt me and I keep trying to tell myself that I should not worry and that I must look ahead and not back. I should take everything positively and I should not fear. When he asked me that question just now, I tried to be rationale and I had to tell myself that it was nothing at all. I should trust him. In fact, it's not that I don't - I do. But the old familiar feeling of having the trust betrayed when you gave in too much just came back and I felt so fearful of having to face situations like those in the past again.

What is with some people? I have a colleague who lives in the block next to mine and he drives too. He's married and has a daughter and he's Malay. There shouldn't be any problem or suspicions to be aroused if he gives me a lift to work everyday. But despite the clarity of it all, I will not ask for a lift. I doesn't even cross my mind at all. I don't understand how some people can blatantly and thick-skinly ask to be driven to work. Are they really that helpless? Don't they feel that they will always be oweing that colleague a favour? I mean, I'm the girlfriend and I don't even ask to be driven, I don't even expect to be driven to work, and I have no problems travelling to work myself. So, what is with these people? Sometimes I cannot understand the female of the species myself....

I'm not angry or bitter or pissed or anything about this whole thing. He himself decided that he would not be her driver and he did ask for my opinion after all. I guess I am just appalled at how some thickskinned some people can be. Reminds me of some of my own colleagues at work. Absolutely no consideration for others at all.

He got the car today! We went for our first spin together. It was also his first time on the expressway in a car. We drove all the way to Changi beach and than had dinner at Changi Village. Then we were saying....we drove all the way here to eat "zhi cha"? (It wasn't even tasty)

It was great. He was relaxed and cool throughout the journey. There were times I gave little instructions here and there. But I think I get carried away to easily and he told me that I need not tell him exactly what to do for everything. :-) heh..naggy me....

I am starting a car expenses spreadsheet for him so that we can track and monitor our expenditure on the car.

Very tired now...got to go to bed cos he will be coming by to send me to work tomorrow. Better not be late...

Been exercising fhe past 2 days in the school gym. Hope this will carry on....

We went to Little India last night. We wanted to go to Serangoon Plaza as he found a listed branch of Auto-Bacs there. It seems that that particular branch is closed now. Anyway, we managed to buy some of the accessories at the one-and-only Mustafa Centre. Speaking of which, its really a HUGE store will almost everything that you can think of under its roof for sale! From pink-coloured gel pens to car perfumes, branded watches to tiger balm oil, handphones to PDAs, carpets to branded sports wear, imported Indian rice to maggi mee....it's really "a store and more"!

We had thosai, chappatti and masala chicken at a little coffeeshop opposite Mustafa's. After which I requested for a walk down the red light district of Desker. As we walked along the dimly-lit back alley, there seemed to be an eerie silence in the air as shadows and silhouettes passed us. Men stood in front of the open doors, arms folded, checking out the lady sitting inside watching television. Some gathered at makeshift stalls selling x-rated VCDs under a small white flouroscent lamp. The ladies seemed undisturbed by the staring men. Some leaned forward with interest, fanning themselves coyly with a paper fan. Some just sat and watched television, oblivious to the roving eyes. Some looked like women, but were not.

Everytime I quickly glanced into the rooms, I would always feel a mixed feeling of wonderment, curiousity and embarrassment. Why do I feel embarrassed? I guess it's because I do not know how these women feel to see another of their species looking in at them. I was obviously not there to give them business. I was there to gain an eye-opener. How do they feel when they see me? Many times I looked into the eyes of these women and I quickly looked away. I guess I was afraid that they would not like the idea of me looking at them.

On hindsight, I think it's because I am judging them already. I think that they would be uncomfortable when I look at them. I think that I might have made them ashamed when they see me looking at them. But all these is just what I think! I am judging them. I think that's why I am embarassed.

Vrrroooooooommmmmmmm!!!!!!!!!!!!!

In the next one or two days, our lifestyle will change (almost) forever.

I slept from 10pm last night till 11am this morning! It's been a long long time since I had such a good rest.

I was dreaming about him. In my dream, we were sort of sitting at a table and he was on my right. Then suddenly I woke up and he was kissing me goodnight. It was so nice....

I bought a a new hair-dryer and a new fan for my room. Figured that I need a good hairdryer that can blow cold air too. Too much heat is not good and it will give split ends one day. At the moment, my hair is very healthy! No split ends or dry ends despite its length! The fan is something that I've always wanted to get. The old one can still be used but I need to turn it on full blast for it to work - it's too cold for me! So that one can be left in the living room. This new one is compact and can fit into the corner snugly.

Tomorrow, we will issue thermometers to all our students and we will carry out temperature taking twice a day. Once at 7:30am in the morning and another at 12:15pm. The procedures were spelt out very clearly to us, teachers. We will not have any flag raising ceremonies except on Mondays. From next week onwards, all students will report to school and go straight to their classrooms. When the teachers come into class, they are supposed to have their thermometers, a piece of tissue paper and their temperature log book with them. Once they greet the teachers, they will put the thermometer into their mouth and take their temperatures. When they remove the thermometer, they must record their temperature and have their buddy next to them counter-check that the temperature recorded is correct. Then, they must use the piece of tissue paper to wipe their thermometer clean and then drop the tissue into the white plastic bags issued to the class vice-chariperson. The vice-chairperson will then tie up the plastic bag and dispose of it in the big bin outside the toilet and wash their hands really clean before they come back to the classroom.

Any student with a temperature of 38 and will be sent home. Those with a temperature of 37.5 - 37.9 will be sent to the canteen where they will rest and then have their temperatures taken again. If it falls to below 37.5, they will be sent back to class. If it is still at 37.5 - 37.9, they will be sent home.

I believe, no matter how very systematic the procedures are, there will be hiccups along the way. Let's see about it tomorrow...

Amazingly, I don't feel the monday blues at all. I think it's because I have all my lessons planned and my materials are all ready for the week.

The pressure of the coming examinations are building up. I am so worried that I will not be able to complete the syllabus with my students. The Maths tests that I gave last week were disastrous. Especially the A Maths test! Out of a class of 40, only about 5 passed. The rest scored less than 5! These kids have not been revising their work well enough and this makes me so worried for them. The interesting thing is, there was one student who had a PERFECT score!

It's Vesak Day this coming Thursday. That means we miss school again. I am so pressed for time and I am trying so hard to squeeze out time to see my students after school for extra lessons.

I bought my mum a new handphone for Mother's Day. :-)

Oh, I have extra lessons with my 2 maths classes tomorrow from 7:30am to 10am. Was browsing through Cold Storage just now trying to think of what I could get for them. I found it!! Sunmaid Raisins!! It's a good deal because it's cheap ($2.90 for 12 small boxes) and its nutritious food! Also bought sweets to give away as prizes for my CME class this coming monday. Giving them a quiz and prizes to go with it! :-)

HEY!! The my left speaker suddenly went bust! So irritating! This is the 2nd time this has happened! I thought I really did a good job in sticking those wires into the sub-woofer that time?!?! I made sure it was really inside and really secure! It SO troublesome to have to crawlk under my table, drag out the subwoofer and then fiddle around with all the wires again. What a chore!

Argh....feels as if my left ear is deaf...

Speaking of deaf, the sign language lessons are real fun!

So I queued at M1 for more than an hour thinking that I was going to get the super deal of the nokia 6610 at $68 for my mum. To my utter disappointment, I was told that the promotion was only applicable to prime plans and above crap. So hers being the family 1+1 line, I cannot get the phone at that price. In the end, I got the simple 2210 at $198 for her.

Queued for 1hr 15min to get something that I can get on any other normal day.

Oh well, it's Mothers' Day... :-)

Look. I can't help it if I'm fat. It's not like I've ever been slim. I don't appreciate anyone telling me how fat I am, thank you very much.

I don't like to go to bed feeling angry and upset.

Sometimes, I don't have a choice.

What do you do when you got a sibling who keeps sucking off your parents? A sibling who's old enough to take care of himself/herself? And who is already a working adult?

Oh, and what do you do when your parents seem to allow themselves to be taken advantage of by that bugger?

You go to bed feeling angry and upset.

Have been living like a workaholic for the past 2 days. I actually feel happy to "do my stuff" at work. It's taht satisfaction that you're getting things done and clearing up future time. But then again, I always clear future time...but the the so-called future comes, there'll always be something to take up that time. Vicious...

Will be conducting extra lessons every saturday until the exams. J and I went to see the P yesterday to ask about the sars measures that that the school is taking for Saturdays. A plan has been made out. Then, we thought about why there seemed to be insufficient time for us (in particular, me and J) to complete our syllabus on time. We explored other options and even went up to talk to the HODs together (the P and us) about reducing the exam syllabus. Then, when I went to speak to the other Maths teachers of the same level, they told me, to my horror, that they are almost completing their syllabus! And I'm like about 3-4 chapters behind!? Then Mrs G reminded me that I was away on MC for an entire week after the sars break.

I actually forgot all about that.

And that on miserable week os MC is causing me all this headache now.

Anyway, life at school now is on the whole pretty good.

One more thing - I am attending an informal sign language course at a friends' place every Wednesday. She has 3 very big and wonderful cats! I love those feline creatures!! Her cats are huge and very tame. The only thing now is, I just discovered that I could be allergic to cat hairs. I sneeze non-stop when I'm at her place!! I had to wear a mask the last time I was there and amazingly I did not sneeze. Then when I took the mask off to drink water, I began sneezing immediately! It's unbearable. I find it so difficult to concentrate when my eyes are tearing away. How can I be allergic to cat hairs? I had a cat once and I was fine. I think it's basically because her cats shed ALOT. And I mean ALOT. There was SO MUCH cat hairs stuck on his pants when we went home after the last session! And he was sitting on her sofa...

Tomorrow is lesson 3 of our course. I have not been practicing....

What a great feeling to wake up and then go back to sleep, and then wake up, and then go back to sleep, and then wake up again to find that you still have time to do what you need to do before you go out. Ahhhhh.....

Meeting at Awwa at 2pm later. I am printing out all the stuff that we prepared on out part. Will blow their socks off later. I don't think they expect us to be so damn organized. Haha. Make them eat their own comments back. Hmpf!! Mess with the HFC volunteers?!?! Just you wait...I emailed "Mr Ego" that day asking them what's already been done on their part. MY GOD. They have not even sent out the pamphlets to the kids. He has not yet contacted "The Ex-Commando" for that "motivational talk".

Ok before I start blowing up, I must give them the benefit of the doubt. Maybe it was sars that caused everything on their end to slow down (or even stop). I might be a good idea that the pamphlets are not out yet because we should add the extra bit about us taking proper sars measures during the camp so as to allay the parental fears about this camp. Hmm...but that would mean that "Deadly Stare" will have to do the pamplets all over again. Hah! Better be careful later...she might shoot her stares at me...

I feel horrible now. I am sure I had a fever this afternoon and my head threatening to break into one major headache. I just measured my temperature just now and its ok. But my whole body is aching like crazy! I am having muscle pains...feel as if my entire torso, back and front, is blue-black. The slightest press or rub hurts like I've been punched. I am in pain.

Maybe it's got to do with the hangover from last night. It's been a long time since I downed my body with so much alcohol. What a horrible feeling. I don't ever want to subject myself to tuch torture anymore. It certainly isn't worth it. Well, I go hope what I have now is due to the excessive alcohol and not anything else. Headache, fever, muscle aches....to be honest, I'm a little worried.

I was reading this and tears welled up in my eyes...my heart goes out to those who lost their loved ones in the war against sars.

Printed out the article on Dr Chao from the Straits Times Interactive. Intend to just paste it on my class's noticeboard and then talk to my students about it.

There were a series of thefts in school this morning. Some of my girls came running to me telling me that their handphones and money got stolen while they were having their PE lesson. How ironical as the head prefect had just warned the whole school this morning about safekeeping your valuables. Some of the girls were very upset and were crying. The whole class was affected and they were quite frantic when they came for me. Anyway, we stayed back after school to discuss the matter and to come up with more stringent preventive measures as a class. Sad that it takes something like this to happen before these kids can realise their vulnerability and carelessness. (stupidity too)

I am being asked to do a one hour presentation to six Sec 3 Express classes on the volunteer work that I do and how I have learnt and benefited from it. I have spoken to the entire lower secondary students before and actually, I don't feel too good giving that speech because despite the good intentions behind it, telling people about what I do as a volunteer does seems like self-glorification. Will work it out so that it does not come out that way.

Weilin's grandma is warded at Alexandra Hospital now. She had a stroke. I am worried...

Just had another "sars meeting" today and we were all told to expect things to get worse in terms of dirsuptions to regular school activity. We were told to accept whatever that was happening now in school as "the norm" and that it will be considered mild in comparision to the bigger headache that is coming our way - the twice-a-day measuring of temperatures by ALL students in the school. You know MOE is giving free thermometers to ALL students and teachers and also all SAF personnel right? That basically means almost every household in Singapore will have a thermometer. And Singapore is the only country (capable of ) doing this. According to my principal, the thermometers meant for school are being manufactured right now in Japan. Anyway, the headache comes when we have 1400++ students all measuring temperatures at the same time, and then all going to the toilet to wash their thermometers. No little plastic covers will be supplied as they are costly, so the thermometers will have to be washed with soap after use. So logistically, we're probably going to have a big problem. This also means that about 2 periods a day will be taken by temperature-taking. That means cutting down on curriculum time! How do we complete our syllabus then?

Beats me.

Had the meeting with the rest of the gang just now and we managed to come up with the camp schedule and programmes. Also divided the workload so that we could do little bits on our own. Will be having another recce of the camp location this coming Sunday so that we all have a better idea of the place. I am hoping that the campers will be of higher mobility status, so that it will be easier to plan the activities for them. Not that I am discriminating - but to be practical, a sports camp should be for more mobile kids. There really is hardly anything that a DMD child can do if he is extemely weak already. We can always have an MD camp just for them in future. It's just too diverse to plan a camp that caters to all forms of mobility.

I completed my marking yesterday and I'm so glad that I do not need to do anything for school today. It's such a relief!! The best thing is, I hardly have any monday blues now! And I know why - I have everything planned already, so I need not worry at all! It's a wonderful feeling. I suppose this is the advantage of being confined at home during those feverish days...

Had an unpleasant thing happen to me yesterday. It's about work. I was innocently dragged into something that should not involve me at all in the first place. Anyway, I've spoken to her and everything is fine now. It's just how we tackle and handle these "people on top", I feel. I have kept myself free from office political issues and I intend to keep it that way.

I did a search for people with my surname just for fun and I got to see some very cheesy websites of some. Funny.

We went to a very cosy cafe located at the end of Mhd Sultan yesterday. Nice ambience and good music. Quiet, peaceful and very relaxing. After that we went for a beer at U bar. While walking along MS, I saw people queuing up to get into the pubs. That brought back some memories of the good ol' days of clubbing. Now, I don't really see the point in doing that anymore.

Read about the man whose wife and 2 kids drowned at Kranji a year ago. The verdict was misadventure and he could not accept it. It seems he believed that the flood gates opened to let water from the reserviour flow into the sea and he believed that his wife and 2 children, who were standing on the beach, got swept away by the sudden increase in water level there. Whatever it was, I feel very sorry for him and more so for his 14-year-ikd daughter who was with him when the accident happened.

He put down the deposit for a Honda Fit yesterday! Will probably get the car next week - we're excited!! We were talking about where we would go and all that.

Sometimes this car-thing kind of scares me a little because it brings back some bad memories about my previous relationship. I will try not to think about all that. We talked about last night and I told him about my fears. Anyway, the past is the past.

I have tons of marking to do. Got to finish it by tonight....

I get so tired just reading the news online. It's so scary. It really is.

I just saw a Chinese man standing outside that flat as I walked past it just now while coming home. He was standing nearer to the railings and was watching the construction of the condo on the opposite side of the road in front. He was waiting for someone or something. There was a trolley at the door and there were 2 boxes wrapped tightly in clear wrapper. They were sealed with thick yellow tape with the words "SECURITY" all over.

One of our neighbours confirmed that an indian man living in that unit was escorted into the ambulance. Some of my neighbours are saying that they will take the lift to the sixth floor and then walk up to their floor instead. (our lift serves only the 1st, 6th and 11th) I think they are a wee bit too paranoid. Not everyone who gets sent to TTSH in an ambulance is confirmed to have sars. I mean, had my fever gone up to 38 last week, I would have been escorted to TTSH in an ambulance too, and it wouldn't mean that I have sars. Still ,it's good to be cautious. Now my neightbours will actually have a little bottle of disinfectant spray with them all the time and they will squirt some on the lift buttons before using them.

Suddenly, I feel very afraid of sars.

Dr Chao died on Tuesday. KC told me that he had low grade fever and was suspected to be having dengue fever. Then on Good Friday (last friday) he seemed to have recovered and messaged one of their friends to say that he was fine. Then on Monday he was warded for high fever and then pushed into the ICU. It happened to quickly for him. The (scary) thing is, they are still investigating to find out if he had contact.

I had a low grade fever for 2 weeks.

Ma just told me that there was an ambulance at the foot of my block and some policemen visited a unit on the 11th floor of my block on Sunday night. We're not sure what happened but for the past few days since Sunday night, policemen have been seen visiting my block and particularly that unit. It's the first unit nearest to the lift and I need to walk past it in order to get to my flat. I suppose its reasonable to suspect that there's someone with fever or symptoms in that unit who was sent to TTSH? However, I don't think there's a need to panic. Had my fever hit 38 that time, I would have had an ambulance downstairs too. That does not mean that I have sars, right?

Still, there's still abit of fear in me now.

School was good today. I actually felt OK at work. Not that stressed. Maybe its the preparation that I have already made. Anyway, am expecting worse things to come. Hmm...kind of sad, isn't it?

I have put on so much weight over the last 2 weeks of staying home!! My clothes are ONE SIZE too small. I can just die. It's so difficult to choose what to wear to work! Imagine having to select clothes from a rack that has all size S when you're an M? What can you buy? Nothing right? Precisely. Urgh. I cannot imagine that I was ever even fatter than I am now. How did I fit into those clothes? Man....I must NOT allow history to repeat.

By the way, my class was really really sweet today. They actually bought a cake for me and celebrated my birthday (though its super belated) for me during recess in the canteen. I tried to tell them to keep a low profile for it but they refused and were practically yelling out the birthday song in English and Chinese. They also insisted on sticking the candles on the cake and crowding those candles in the centre of the cake so my cake looked like it was "on fire". Yeah...that's how old I am...
Well, what's nice was through this, I also got to see another side of some of my students and I realised that some of them have impecable manners and good family upbringing. Many actually waited for me to finish cutting the cake. Once I was done, they took the plastic knife from me and said "Ok Ms N, you sit down and eat your cake, we'll clean up." I thought that was really pleasant. We don't get many such children anymore. Most are too self-centred or pampered so it was really a very good feeling to see some of the these kids exhibiting such good behaviour. I must make it a point to mention it to their parents when I meet them.

Ma said that Weilin's grandma appears to be getting more and more tired lately. She's also getting slower in her daily movement and she's also been eating less. My aunt and uncle are making mental preparations in case anything were to happen.

I feel sorry for Weilin...she's just recently gone over to Australia with Jimmy. Not too sure if she will fly back if anything happens....

I'll be reporting for work tomorrow!!

Finally, after such a long long wait, I am going to school again. Been a long time since I actually feel excited about school. I actually feel like a student now, getting my books and bags ready, preparing my clothes, setting the alarm clock - its all done! Now all I need to do is to wash my face, change the pad to a night-safe one, and sleep!

Btw, I have not been taking my temperature very regularly for the past 2 days. First, its because I'm sick of doing it. Second, I think I get too paranoid when I do it. Third, I feel well, so why do it?

Anyway, the temperature yesterday was pretty good. I measure it a couple of times and they were all below 37. And I was out. I was out the whole day. We went shopping, movies, dinner and the jazz at southbridge. I was perfectly fine.

We had mongolian buffet at Park Mall yesterday. It was about $34.00 each but the spread was bad. I mean, variety was not there and portions were not sufficient too. It looked pathetic. The restaurant claimed that it was "international" buffet - you get chinese, japanese, mongolian, cantonese, etc but really, they just provided abit of everything and they called it "international". At the end of the meal, full as we were, I think we both felt we would not go back for a second time.

Temperature measured was 37.4 (!!!) at about 9 pm just now. An hour later, it dropped to 37.1. Now, its 37.1. I'm not contagious - my mum and bro are fine and its been more than 10 days. So, I'm going to school!

I was reading blogs from people in Hongkong and this guy has got a rather extensive personal review of the sars situation there. And through him, I managed to get connected a Singaporean doctor's blog. She works at CGH. Very insightful to read about the sars war from a doctor's perspective and also how she feels about what the media is reporting about medical staff here.

It's Rachel's birthday today and my mum is baking a cheesecake for her. It's a new recipe she's trying from this cookbook she borrowed. It's a chocolate oreo cheesecake. Too bad I won't get to try it this time because Eddie is coming over to collect the cake later. But my brother has gone out to buy fresh cream for my mum so that she can bake 2 more of her regular cheesecakes (just like the new york cheesecake at NYDC or Coffeebean). Yippee!! There's also spaghetti for lunch.... yum

I was trying to use my old bottle of perfume oil from Body Shop on a small basket of old potpourri, then I accidently spilled some of the oil onto my table and it dripped to the floor. Now my whole room smells of fuzzy peach....actually, its not that strong, so its quite nice. That basket is now on top of the shelf.

Fever now at 37.1.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY RACHEL!!!!!!!!

Look!! The cutest little girl (to me)!!