Do you sometimes feel like you just want to sit back and relax and just not do anything at all? I mean, knowing that you have so many responsibilities and so many things to do and these are the things that have pressing deadlines.

I am giving in to myself now. I feel I have been doing so many things for other people, or for work, that I have neglected myself. I'm not taking care of myself at all. I'm not eating well, not sleeping well, not drinking enough water...I just don't feel healthy - physically, mentally and emotionally. I long for a break. I want time to just not do anything and not have any deadlines and not have any worries.

I have emails to write. Phonecalls and interviews to make to the new volunteers. I need to check if I have all the info that we need to present to TeachMe on saturday for our meeting. I need to prepare for the Frisco trip. In every aspect.I I have not planned what to pack, what I need, how much money I need to bring, what we're going to do at the school, what we're going to present to the school, what we need to ask the school about, what materials do I need to bring along for the school trip, who's laptop are we bringing along? Argh...it's so endless.

And it's not like I get to rest after I come back from the trip. We're touching down on the 17th. I have SEM presentations on 18thj and 19th. Then staff seminar (in which we present what we've learnt during this school visit) from 20 - 21st. Then graduation night for the Sec 4s on 21st. Band practices as usual, band performance at MacRitchie on 29th, HFC Camp on 5-7Dec, 4N(A) exam results release on 18th, 19-22 Dec at Bintan (the only real holiday I will have), Band practice on 26th, Staff meeting on 26th too, Department meetings on 29th.

This is only a small picture of what I will be facing. I don't even dare to think about it. It's so much work!! It's almost overwhelming.

We got out namecards today. I need to bring my namecards along for the school visit in Frisco.

I also heard that I will need to move out of the staffroom to sit in another separate room next year. This is because of my new position in the school. I think it's fucking ridiculous. I was so upset I cried in school. I feel like I'm being chased out of my own home. I love where I sit right now. My friends are all near me. I cannot imagine coming back from lessons and not talking to them. It's the little bits everyday that I will miss and I cannot bear to have it taken away from me just like that. Just because I have a new position, I need to sit somewhere else and be unhappy. What's the whole point?! I would rather, very much rather, trade what I'm given with where I'm sitting now. I don't care about being the Deputy Dean. I value happiness at work much more than rank and all that crap. I'm not interested in moving up that bloody ladder. I really don't give a damn.

But do I have a choice? No. It's decided - the position. I will speak to him tomorrow and request to stay put at where I am. I know it's almost like a losing battle, but I will still try.