I did it! I spoke to him and I asked for permission to stay at my own place in the office. I told him that I really loved where I sit and it's like my second home and that I felt as if I was being chased out of my own house. I even told him that I cried. He smiled at me and said he had no problems with me sitting at the same place. However, he did warn me that I would need to move out if the office gets too cramped because of new staff. That was fine with me (it's actually very unlikely that we get new staff you see..)

I am so happy. I felt so relieved and the thought of having to stay back in school for library duty till 9pm did not seem so bad after that. My day was better and I felt brightened. It was great.

Do you sometimes feel like you just want to sit back and relax and just not do anything at all? I mean, knowing that you have so many responsibilities and so many things to do and these are the things that have pressing deadlines.

I am giving in to myself now. I feel I have been doing so many things for other people, or for work, that I have neglected myself. I'm not taking care of myself at all. I'm not eating well, not sleeping well, not drinking enough water...I just don't feel healthy - physically, mentally and emotionally. I long for a break. I want time to just not do anything and not have any deadlines and not have any worries.

I have emails to write. Phonecalls and interviews to make to the new volunteers. I need to check if I have all the info that we need to present to TeachMe on saturday for our meeting. I need to prepare for the Frisco trip. In every aspect.I I have not planned what to pack, what I need, how much money I need to bring, what we're going to do at the school, what we're going to present to the school, what we need to ask the school about, what materials do I need to bring along for the school trip, who's laptop are we bringing along? Argh...it's so endless.

And it's not like I get to rest after I come back from the trip. We're touching down on the 17th. I have SEM presentations on 18thj and 19th. Then staff seminar (in which we present what we've learnt during this school visit) from 20 - 21st. Then graduation night for the Sec 4s on 21st. Band practices as usual, band performance at MacRitchie on 29th, HFC Camp on 5-7Dec, 4N(A) exam results release on 18th, 19-22 Dec at Bintan (the only real holiday I will have), Band practice on 26th, Staff meeting on 26th too, Department meetings on 29th.

This is only a small picture of what I will be facing. I don't even dare to think about it. It's so much work!! It's almost overwhelming.

We got out namecards today. I need to bring my namecards along for the school visit in Frisco.

I also heard that I will need to move out of the staffroom to sit in another separate room next year. This is because of my new position in the school. I think it's fucking ridiculous. I was so upset I cried in school. I feel like I'm being chased out of my own home. I love where I sit right now. My friends are all near me. I cannot imagine coming back from lessons and not talking to them. It's the little bits everyday that I will miss and I cannot bear to have it taken away from me just like that. Just because I have a new position, I need to sit somewhere else and be unhappy. What's the whole point?! I would rather, very much rather, trade what I'm given with where I'm sitting now. I don't care about being the Deputy Dean. I value happiness at work much more than rank and all that crap. I'm not interested in moving up that bloody ladder. I really don't give a damn.

But do I have a choice? No. It's decided - the position. I will speak to him tomorrow and request to stay put at where I am. I know it's almost like a losing battle, but I will still try.

I feel so stressed just thinking about the things that I have to do.

System crashed twice yesterday. Now I have to bring home all the work to do. I'm so tired. Still have not planned the games for the camp and we need to show the rest the stuff TOMORROW.

Sigh..