Do I have the strength to stand up against the bitching from below up? Am I able to withstand the workload coming from top down?
It's so hard to be in the middle.
Today, someone messaged J and told her quite alot of things. They were about the structured remediation schedules that J, D and MC proposed to the staff yesterday. It was a plan that I fully supported and feel quite strong and positive about.
I think I was a tad defensive about the entire thing. I feel I only spoke in that insistent tone because of the tone in which the queries (or rather, objections) were raised. That, I am very sure. I know I would not speak in that manner if it was some other person who raised the same points. I was somehow fired up by this person's inate negativities and tone of voice and I reacted (rather impulsively) with a pretty forceful tone of voice.
So it had now become an issue. This person claims that no one else dared to speak up because of how I said what I said. I feel so wronged. My intention to tell them that other schools were having remedials till 6pm and their teachers only leave the school at 9pm was to alert them to how other schools were preparing their graduating students. To tell them that if we wanted out students to do well, we have to have some form of plan to help them revise their work. My intention was not to make our school teachers work till 9pm everyday. My intention was not to make lives difficult for our teachers.
The personal attack came in a pretty hurtful manner. Apparently, others see me as someone who does not have a life (because I work late everyday) and does not respect other's needs to have their own lives.
"Also, if she wants to work herself to the point of burnt out, please respect others and leave us out of her way of life. We all get our jobs done. Don't micro manage the teachers like we can't even plan our times to see our students." <--- this teacher was the one who claimed she could not find time to see her students for remedials at all because her students always had remedials for other subjects. It was because of her statement that J thought of the structured remediation schedule for a fairer distribution of remedial slots for subjects.
"If she has no life outside work respect mine. Most importantly, respect the kids time with their families." <--- most of the students have working parents who aren't home till 6 or later everyday. So what is this "time with families"? Parents would actually be glad that we're keeping their kids meaningfully engaged in the noons. At least they won't have to worry if their child is out at some mall window shopping of simply hanging out and wasting time in the face of the major exams this year. This person does not know me well enough to know that I have no life. This person has no right to put her own yardstick against my life to measure and conclude that I have no life. If she wants to do this, then I can also place my own yardstick of what a teacher should be like against how she is like as a teacher. When will this end?
"Leave me out of politics, fancy titles, insecurities and big egos." <--- obviously, our friend means all this to be targetted at me. Insecurities and big egos. I do have a rather fancy title, don't I? Leave her out of the politics? How to leave her out when she wants so badly to be heard?
To begin with, why is it even politics? I don't get it... we are TEACHERS. Like it or not, this job WILL be demanding of your personal time and space. Want a 9-5 job so you can "have a life" after work? Go corporate. Like it or not, being a teacher in itself is supposed to be an altruistic job. It's a selfless job because you cannot afford to be selfish of your knowledge or your love and care towards the students you teach. We are teachers because we WANT to teach our students. We WANT to give them the best of what we can. It's for the STUDENTS.
So if we are all in teaching for a common cause.... why are there conflicts? If we all want to do things for our students and we all spoke in that same language... why would there be politics?
I'm sleepy. Will try to record more things here when I am more awake.
I cried today because I felt so misunderstood. It's just tough being where I am.
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