Depressed with my Shitload.

I'm real depressed man...was just lying in bed thinking of all the things that I have to do and I just burst out crying! I am so frustrated. I don't know why I have so many things to do that others don't. I don't see why I have to be so responsible. Can I try to be inefficient and irresponsible for once and let some of these things fall? Why do all these things depend on me so much? It's like everything depends on whether or not Ms N has done this part or that part yet. I mean, hello, don't forget that Ms N is also a teacher who has the normal teaching load and MARKING LOAD ok. It's not like I have alot of free time to do all these things?! Stop loading me with work just because you know I am efficient and I will get it done.

I've had it. I'm sick and tired of work. I wonder what will happen if I run away from all of this. Oh come on huey, you don't even have a choice so why bother day dreaming about running away from it all? It's not like there's a choice you know. You know that you will have to move on and DO IT ALL when you get back to work tomorrow. So shuddup and finish your marking now so you can at least have some rest tonight.

Should I use the mc for tomorrow? Doctor gave me 2 days to rest but I am not even sure if I can afford two days of rest?! Isn't this ridiculous?!

I'm so tired of it all. So tired. I don't see any motivation at all. Nothing motivates me. I used to think that what I do will benefit the students. True, this NZ trip will be good for them and they will have fun and have an experience. But who appreciates all the shitload that Ms N has to do so that they have have a good time? Who even KNOWS about the shit that she's standing in right now?

Haha...even if they knew, they can only stand and watch. No one can help me. Absolutely no one. At the end of the day, its still Ms N's Shit and its something she has to go through and to clear up. I can't throw them on another person to handle can I? I can't just stand in that pile of shit and let it creep up my legs can I? I can't just pull myself out and run away and hope that it evaporates into thin air can I?

So you see, I am stuck.