I cannot tell if I am complaining in the usual way or am I really under stress. I have gone through stressful periods before but have pulled through. I woke up on Monday morning feeling extremely negative. I was up early and was actually rather awake when I sat up on my bed. Then I muttered a very sincere "shit..." and I proceeded to the bathroom.

This morning, I woke up in a jolt and actually felt this sense of fear. The kind where you feel your whole body shiver as if you've woken up late on the day of your O Level English exams. It took me awhile to look at the clock and to register the time and recognise that I was not late for school.

Dear Diary, I worked so hard in school today. People pissed me off and there were many halts to the smooth flow of my work as I needed to gather my information from many different people who could not give me exact answers on the spot. I was frustrated but I knew I only had one direction : ahead. I could only move ahead. I could not pause to take a breather (or even to take my lunch) as every free period that I had was precious and had to be used wisely and as efficiently as possible. I was in the constant fear of things not turning out right should I not get this issue settled by the deadline. The responsibility on my shoulders is far too great and there is no way I can shake it off or lighten the load. I am tired. I wish I had 48 hours a day. We had a half-day yesterday to celebrate our school's good O level results last year and everyone could leave at 11am. I had wanted to leave early too, to take the day off and really enjoy the benefits of the half-day given. But on and on I worked, settling each of the many different areas that I was in charge of. I finally left at 6pm. I was the last person to leave the school. I left without managing to clear all the work. In this line, you can never finish clearing everything.

Am I stressing myself too much? Am I managing my time badly? Am I being too much of a perfectionist and therefore giving myself all this undue stress? I don't know. But what if I do not do all those work? What if I slowed down my pace and strolled along instead? I wouldn't meet the deadlines on time. And who will suffer the consequences? Other people who are depending on the efficiency and speed on my part to get the job done.

Life is not fair. Who said it was meant to be fair in the first place? Some of us have to work harder for our bread and butter. I think I am turning into a robot. I think I have little or no more passion or positivity in the adminsitration duties that I have.

But I am not a robot. I am human. I have feelings. I tire out too. I feel fatigue too. I have limitations to the maount of work that I can do at one time. It's getting harder and harder to prioritize as everyone tells me everything that I am doing now is a top priority.

Tell me, should I see a shrink for help?