There's only one me...

I just read a student's blog. She mentioned something about me in it. She said I was her "inspirator" earlier this year and then somehow she can't seem to get close to me now. I won't go on to describe everything about me and her since day 1 this year, but this has sparked off some thoughts on my end.

There is only one me. This one teacher, with so many other students in my charge. I want to reach out to all of them but there will always be some that I will miss out along the way. Apart from this girl from my class, I also have this other girl from the Sec 2 class who wrote a 13-page journal to me telling me her experiences and problems, and asking me to be her companion and listening ear. Of course, I will not reject her. I replied her journal (mine was only 4 pages long) and tried to get her to understand if I am not able to reply as promptly as I would like to as I can be really busy sometimes. The same goes for all the other students of mine. How I wish I have 48 hours a day or something and that I can have time to do my work and spend time with them as well.

Kids these days don't seem to relate to their parents very well. It's strange because I would think that it would be my generation's parents that have generation gaps with us. Kids these days have parents that are relatively young and as such, they are probably better eduated and speak English as well. Shouldn't these kids relate more easily with their parents? It seems not so. They also don't seem to be able to just have friends their age. They seem to be crying out for adult attention and guidance. They question life, behaviour, emotions and moods and they need adults to explain these complicated concepts to them. It's draining to be a teacher if you're the kind whom they look to for such advice.

I can't find it in my heart to refuse them or say "sorry I've got no time to speak to you". My door is always open but I may be occupied with something and thus am unable to entertain them. It makes me wonder if I am doing what I came into teaching to do.

I won't go all out to try to reach into every one of their lives, but I am defintely not comfortable to know that there are students who feel like I have shunned them and that I do not care. I do care. A lot. It's just that sometimes my hands and either full or tied up. They need to understand this and I need to forgive myself if I can't spend enough time with them.

However, I believe in the abundance of love. I believe that I have so much love to give and to spread around and I do not need to withhold any for fear that it will run out. I must learn, in the small spaces that I have with my time now, to reach out to my students, even if it is in the smallest possible ways. A sweet, a card, a smile, a hug, a pat on the shoulder, a greeting along the corridor, a compliment, a lollipop, a wave....these are small ways of saying "I know you exist". I must learn.