I miss hamham

Hamham's gone to the rainbow bridge to join Mimi and Wenwen. He passed away yesterday, sometime in the afternoon. No one was home when he left, so quietly. I hope he went peacefully without any pain.

It pained me so much to see him in such suffering. He was staggering around in the cage and seemed to be dragging his hind legs around as he walked. Despite his illness, he still made weak attempts to bite me when I tried to carry him. I fed him his medication yesterday morning and also fed him his mixture of Nestum and honey. After he ate, he fell asleep in my hands, all wrapped up in the blue towel. I just let him sleep and sat there looking at him, cradling him in my hands. I was almost confident that he would survive cos he seemed to be better than he was 2 weeks ago.

I couldn't contain my tears when I came home. Mudder and Bro were sensitive enough to leave me alone to look at him and to just be in my room by myself. I locked the door, sat next to Ham and cried my eyes out. I did not move him at all. I just stroked his fur and told him how much I love him. I kept calling him. *heart break*

When I lifted him out of the cage to hold him in my hands, I saw some blood on the tissue paper. He had bled a little from his nose. When I saw that, I started crying all over again. My poor little hammie bled just before he died...he must have been in such pain, such breathing difficulty.

We buried him at the nature park, near where Mimi, Wenwen and Chips have been buried. I wrapped him in a small yellow towel, put lots of food for him and I also put in a little card that I wrote for him. Here's what I wrote in the card :

Dear Hamham
I’m sorry I wasn’t with you when you left for the rainbow bridge. I hope you weren’t in any pain. I hope you know I tried my best to make you as comfortable as possible during this time. I want you to know that I love you very very much. Think of me sometimes when you’re at the bridge ok? I’m going to miss you so much. I love you hamham. I always will.
With love and kisses
Your mummy

Sigh....just reading that again brings tears to my eyes.

I cleared some of the hamster food in the shelf. As I was doing so, I was bending down and I was quite close to Ham's cage. Suddenly I remember how it was like in the past when he would scurry around the cage and nearest to where I was and just stay there as if he was observing everything that I was doing. I would talk to him, ask him about his day, tell him about mine and all that. Then I sat in front of the empty cage....memories and images of him running around in the cage, biting his favourite part of the bars, coming to the door of the cage when I call his name, climbing out eagerly whenever I open the cage door, exploring and sniffing at everything, etc etc etc.......

Oh boy....I miss him SO MUCH. Three years of companionship and cuddly fun-times don't just get forgotten in one night.