Lifeline, please.

The truth is, I feel very misunderstood. Maybe it's not good to talk about such issues because the message gets misinterpreted.

The truth is, I don't know how to help my class anymore. "Huey, there's only so much that you can do"... this advice has come from so many others. It's finally beginning to sink into me now.

I've learnt a few important things today :

1. I can't be a superwoman.

2. If their parents cannot control them, what makes me think that I can?

3. Even if I was able to inspire others before, it doesn't mean that it works with every student.

4. I must learn to alter my expectations so that I can protect myself from the pain and frustrations when my expectations are not realised.

5. Sometimes, they need to go through it to know it. No amount of advice, warning or scolding can prevent it.

Sigh.... A and H was simply having a good time chit chatting during the paper today. I had my exam papers to grade. I ignored them. I noticed how G was taking the paper rather seriously and I told myself to be glad that at least a small handful still bother. I really should look at those who bother and be happy, rather than look at those who can't be bothered and be angry. Doesn't make it any easier when the other teachers don't reinforce the importance of the prep exam to the kids.

Someone help me to see the light!!!! Please?

I shared my frustrations with J today and I was misunderstood. Perhaps in a fit of anger I was not very sensitive with my choice of words, but it was certainly not an attack on J. Nevertheless, it was misunderstood and taken rather badly. What can I do? I don't think the main crux of my worries and frustrations were properly communicated and understood. Perhaps I should never speak to anyone when I'm angry or frustrated.

I'm trying hard not to worry about them. Something tells me that they can't wait to be on their study leave next week. Something tells me that those 4 days will be packed with more slack and fun than with study and exercises. Well, it is beyond my control and I won't be able to know if they really studied or did they go out to play, sun tan, shop, celebrate birthdays, have BBQs, maple, sleep, watch tv, chat online, play pool, have late nights out, etc...

Oh god... why do I worry so much? Why do I even bother??

I took the attendance for the prep exam paper today. Honestly, the issue must be raised. The poor attendance and attitude should be reported. Honestly, I am tired of doing all this. Other teachers don't bother. At the end of the day, students think that they can get away with it all because their misbehaviour slips through out fingers. Should I raise the issue to their Dean? Will it make any sense? Will it work? Will it change them? Aren't I just adding on more trouble to the Dean? Creating problems for myself to handle? Having heartache and anger for nothing? Is it meaningful at all? Should I submit the attendance and let the Dean handle it? (I'm SO GLAD I'm not the Dean anymore because I will simply DIE) Why should I bother so much when the subject teacher did not even raise the issue? If I don't report this, what kind of message are we sending out to those offenders? That it's ok to skip classes? That you're going to sit for your major exams and we don't dare to scold you because we're afraid that we'll affect your mood, mindset and preparation? That all graduating students are given so much leeway?

I have to stop thinking so much.... sigh...

Throw me a lifeline, anyone.

I'm dying with all the marking. I have reports to type for the school magazine and I'm putting them on hold as far as I can. I woke up today with a splitting headache but I still dragged myself to school because I have lessons that I cannot afford to miss. Panadol extra with coffee is a saviour.

I need a break.

I'm not having a good time. No I'm not.

I can't help but feel that I'm either being taken for granted or being ignored. I do not think that my efforts with them are noticed.

To my form class : Study. Please.

OH CHRIST. I just got a phonecall. The class photo vendor is here and they want to collect the payment and orders for the class photos. I just told my class chairperson to chase after the rest for the money and to give them to me tomorrow. So now, I can fork out the additional money first but I don't have the order form with me. What the hell. What do I do?? I got to stop writing now and pop over next door to apologise. WHY AM I THE ONE DOING ALL THE DAMN ADMIN FOR THIS CLASS !?!?!?!?!

No one appreciates what I do. That's how I feel.