I can't sleep tonight. Maybe its the coffee I drank just now (I drank it cos I thought I was going to chat with him online and I wanted to make sure I could keep awake, but as it turned out...) Maybe its the stress. My mind is whirling with so many things I wonder if I have enough space left, any part that is still untouched and unused, that I can retreat to. I guess not.

All the theories about "you can choose how you feel" etc , yes I know all of them. Read a self-help book? Don't need to because it will just tell me the things that I already know. I'm not saying that I'm smart. I"m saying that I've gone through reading those books and thinking things out rationally enough times to know the theorectical way of getting out of this situation. Yeah the method has worked. Mind power over everything else. Just CHOOSE how I want to look at things. I know. But right now, its just so hard. All the problems are coming on too fast that I cannot keep up. Problem? Is there a problem in the first place? Maybe not. Just too many things to do and I'm tired in every sense of the word.

Why do I feel the competition? Its very subtle, so subtle that I could be over-sensitive. But neverthelss, I trust my instincts quite abit and yes I do feel the competition. In the most subtle ways that I cannot describe and I will not elaborate on it here. Dear, you're the only one who knows what I'm talking about.

Maybe its because of my current state-of-mind that makes me feel this way. On normal occasions I may be perfectly ok. But honestly right at this very moment the feeling is becoming more and more negative towards this whole "competition" thing and I'm afraid becuase I know it's not good that I feel the negativity. Help me.